Monday, 13 November 2017

Rules To Ride The Bus By

Now since starting my new job in September, I have become a bus wanker a fully paid-up member of the club of users of public transport.

Now, don't get me wrong. Buses are nice, I get to sit in a seat and someone else drives me to my destination, kindly picking up other bus wankers passengers along the way. It works.

A west Yorkshire Metro bus

BUT, I've noticed that since my daily commute began, I have become a creature of habit and this can be a bit of a problem. I have realised that I now have MY SEAT. This seat is perfect for me, I sit on the back row, on the lower deck, on the left hand side of the bus and it is the way I like it, until one day, SOMEONE SAT IN MY SEAT.

If you ever want to know what betrayal feels like, it is knowing that the bus driver didn't stop the bus immediately, get out of his cab and go up to the seat stealer and say, "Awfully sorry, but you must be new to this route, this seat is actually reserved for Kellie" The seat thief would have immediately apologised and MOVED OUT OF MY SEAT. Everyone would have laughed and we would all have lived happily ever after.

Instead, the driver DID NOTHING. NOTHING, he just carried on driving the bus, knowing FULL WELL that I would be boarding his chariot at exactly 6.53 and be left with a complex decision to make that NO-ONE should have to make pre-7am.

Do I ask them to move out of my seat? Obviously I have paid for it, it is not my fault that unlike trains, the bus service do not allow us to reserve our seats, (If you ever want to make that happen WY Metro, I will be the first to sign up) Do I sit somewhere else? But what if I inadvertently sit in someone else's reserved seat, what happens then? Anarchy, Anarchy is what will happen, I can tell you. Do I NEXT to the person who is sitting in my seat, making them feel uncomfortable enough so that they move at the first opportunity, fleeing the scene, leaving me free to slip into MY seat, or do I just accept the fact that they have overthrown my reign and it is their seat now. The Queen has been ousted, long live the Queen.

Decisions, decisions.

Who knew that riding the bus every day would be filled with such rules?

If you think the ride into work is bad, you should see my journey home, people are packed onto my bus like sardines, I am lucky enough to get onto the bus before the bus turns into a tin can filled with fishy treats but that just means that at some point, SOMEONE WILL SIT NEXT TO ME.

I cannot bear it. Especially if they don't follow the No 1 rule which goes,

If there are no spare 2 seats and you have to sit next to another passenger you don't know, the SECOND a 2-seat becomes free, YOU MOVE TO IT.

THIS IS A RULE AS OLD AS TIME, and yet I have lost count of the amount of people who sit next to me on the bus, sharing my seat as the bus empties out, leaving space for them to move and they still don't move. It makes me uncomfortable, MOVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Is using public transport every day destroying me, do we think?

Should I learn how to drive and save myself the stress of bus rules and non-reserved seating or do you fully understand where I am coming from?

Let me know.


Friday, 3 November 2017

Off The Eaten Path, Tasty Tips, Snacks And Recipes.

Since I have started my new job back in September, I have basically been eating on the run. Two months later and I am craving quick tasty meals and delicious snacks that I eat because they taste nice rather than to just fill a hole.

Luckily, Off The Eaten Path have teamed up with chef and food blogger Deborah Thompson to create three tasty lunch recipes and Deborah has been sharing her top ten tips to create fun, tasty meals. I am hoping that I will be able to use her tips to put the adventure back into my lunch.

Top Tips For Adventurous Eating.

1. Get your adventure on by updating classics like the egg salad sandwich. Deconstruct it and add some exotic spices like dukkah to liven it up. 

2. Swap out traditional ingredients like noodles and lettuce for courgette and kale to
keep things light and full of vitamins and minerals. 

3. Pack snacks that you will actually want to eat. Off the Eaten Path is perfect for this. They’re delicious and great for popping in a lunch bag or a handbag for that snack craving. 

4. Blend sauces and infuse flavours to create new salad dressings and marinades, like the Thai peanut dipping sauce – but keep them on the side until you’re ready to eat. 

5. Pair fruit with savoury foods to create a whole new flavour profile and make the most of seasonal fruit. 

6. Pick foods that can withstand a few hours without refrigeration, like kale for salads and veggie noodles rather than pasta that can go soggy, so that you can get out there adventuring and still enjoy a stellar lunch. 

7. Add micro greens to your dishes. Usually reserved for fancy restaurants, these micro greens, widely available in supermarkets now, pack a flavour and jazz up your meal. 

8. Incorporate baby vegetables and multi-coloured veggies into your lunches such as candy beetroot and rainbow carrots. These all have different flavours than the regular varieties that are widely available. 

9. Use things like carrot tops or beetroot tops to make sauces like pesto. Eliminate waste and create a totally different and adventurous dip/sauce. 

10. Add sliced cucumber and mint to water, rather than lemon for a change.  

These are the sort of tips that I can use. All straightforward, helpful and quick and easy. Perfect for days when I need to nourish myself but have to eat on the run. 

And for those days when you do have a bit of extra time, why not make one of Deborah's delicious recipes to enjoy.

Six Minute Dukkah Egg Salad Box
An exciting (deconstructed) take on the boring old egg salad sandwich. Made with mixed baby greens, a boiled egg, and pistachio dukkah dressing with slices of rye bread.

     Cook an egg in boiling water for 6 minutes and cool in a bowl of cold water for 2-3 minutes.
      Whilst its cooling, pull together a pistachio dukkah dressing by mixing together
1 tbsp. sesame seeds
2 tbsp. coriander seeds
1 tbsp. cumin seeds
50g chopped pistachios
2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
The juice and zest of half a lemon

Set aside the dressing and toss some baby greens, cucumber, onion, baby radish and baby beetroot together.
Slice the boiled egg in half, drizzle with the dukkah dressing and serve with fresh rye bread.

Pairs perfectly with Off The Eaten Path Sea Salt Rice and Pea Chips

Spicy Mango and Cranberry Courgetti Noodle Bowl

This sweet, sour and spicy noodle bowl is fresh and flavoursome to get you through the rest of the day.

●      Spiralise 1 courgette and heat the courgetti noodles in a pan for 2 minutes.
●      Add 1 tsp of grated fresh ginger, ½ a red chilli pepper, 1 tsp of sesame oil and 1 tsp soy sauce to add flavour.
●      Remove from the heat, and place in a bowl. Toss with ½ a mango, peeled and cubed, with 1 tsp of dried cranberries and 2 tbsp. of chopped coriander.
●      Add some sesame seeds to finish the dish.

Pairs perfectly with Off The Eaten Path Sour Cream and Black Pepper

Rainbow Veggie Wraps with Thai Peanut Dipping Sauce

Vibrant, colourful and perfectly packable, this handheld lunch to take to work or for when you’re on the go.

●      Prepare all your vegetables by slicing carrots, cucumber and red cabbage
●      Blend together a sauce ingredients in the blender or in a bowl with a whisk with a combination of Thai peanut dipping sauce, 3 tbsp. smooth peanut butter ½ tbsp. red Thai curry paste, 1 tbsp. lime juice and a dash of fish sauce
●      Set aside and lay some chard leaves flat ready to fill
●      Layer 100g of pre-cooked brown rice, then the veggies and roll the leaves up. Into wraps
●      Slice in half and dip into the peanut sauce

Pairs perfectly with Off The Eaten Path Sea Salt Pea and Pinto Beans

I'm definitely going to be making the Noodle Bowl. 

Do you have any tasty tips for a quick and easy lunch? Which one of the tips above was your favourite? 

Let me know. 


Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Bristol Piano Man. This is NOT romantic.

You know those newspaper reports that a week or so later, still make you mad?

The man in Bristol who was refusing to stop playing the piano until his ex-girlfriend returned to him is still boiling my piss, over a week later.

I'm seething at his sense of entitlement. I'm seething that people think that what he did was romantic, and I am seething that in 2017, women are not allowed to make a decision to end a relationship without a self-entitled dick deciding that it isn't over and what she wants, doesn't matter.

Can we start with the people who were defending him.

"It is romantic"

No it fucking isn't. It is creepy as hell.

"Can't fault a man for trying to win back his woman"

Er, I can. I will. She is not his woman. She decided that the relationship was over. She is entitled to make this decision.

"I wish someone would make grand gestures like this for me"

No one needs this. Making a grand gesture is lovely. Refusing to accept that a relationship is over and then acting like a child and declaring you will not stop playing the piano until she comes back is not a grand gesture, it is a scary, stalker manoeuvre that he has no right to do.

Apparently he has now stopped playing the piano as someone punched him in the head.

I HOPE it was one of his friends. punching some sense into him. I don't believe in violence but what he was doing was wrong, what the media did, glorifying and romanticising his dickish move was wrong. There is no winner in this sorry tale.

I hope that it stops other men from thinking that what they do is "romantic" and realise that it is wrong. But I don't think that it will. And perhaps that is what is annoying me.

What do you think?

Was the Bristol Piano player romantic, misguided, or exhibiting behaviour that was both frightening and manipulative?

Let me know.


Thursday, 10 August 2017

Films That Make You Cry

Yesterday, I sat down and watched The Fault In Our Stars for the VERY FIRST TIME.

(I know, I'm late to the party, just wait till I get round to watching Harry Potter.)

I cried. I mean I ugly cried. I cried so much that it actually HURT, bloody hell. Now I know that I am a complete wimp when it comes to films, (I cried at Moana) but this film? DAMNNNNNNNNNNN.

I can't even LOOK AT THEM without sobbing.

So I asked some friends on Facebook what films made them ugly cry and the answers were varied.

Ranging from

Marley & Me - Penny, Steph, Tracey

Okja - Georgina, Lex

Green Mile - Kirsty, Hayley, Pip

A Monster Calls - Penny, Jade


Toy Story 3 (SECONDED)



No-one said The Champ, which I remember breaking my heart to when I was younger, and Hachi A Dogs Tale, WHICH BROKE ME INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES.

But what film makes you absolutely sob? What film do you remember making you ugly cry?

Let me know in the comments, So I know to avoid them, because honestly, I don't think I have any tears LEFT.


Monday, 7 August 2017

Not #AllGirls Boohoo, Not even close

Inclusivity is such an important thing in 2017. We all deserve to be included, it shouldn't even be an issue but here we are, in 2017, still picking up brands for their lack of inclusivity.

And then along come Boohoo, saying "Hold my Diet Pepsi, While we try to make the most god-awful commercial of the 21st century whilst claiming to be all about inclusivity and girl power"

Boohoo, are you fucking kidding me? Using the word inclusivity as if it is an accessory you wear around your neck is one thing, claiming inclusivity whilst being anything but? Well that's just spitting in the face of people who are not included.

What is inclusivity to Boohoo? Because it doesn't include, Plus size women. It doesn't include disabled people, Trans women, all people who have every right to see themselves represented in an advert that claims to be inclusive.

Oh Boohoo, you included a pregnant woman, a woman with tattoos, how EDGY are you?

Let me tell you, if you want to claim inclusivity,  INCLUDE PEOPLE.

All types of people, not just the people that YOU think deserve to be included,

You want to be inclusive, BE INCLUSIVE, don't just say you are.

Just because you finally included some women of colour, do you think you can wear inclusivity like a badge of honour? THAT ISN'T HOW INCLUSIVITY WORKS.

Boohoo actually have a plus size collection, you wouldn't think they did by the advert that they have just released. There is not one plus size woman in the advert.

I cannot find the advert on Youtube to link it here, but here is a link to the Boohoo Twitter page where they are throwing this bullshit advert around like a child doing it's first piss in a potty. Ever so proud of the mess they have created. Here is the link if you want to have a look.

What are your thoughts on the Boohoo advert? Are you thinking like me? To truly claim inclusivity you have to actually be inclusive? Or do you feel it is a step in the right direction?

Let me know.


Sunday, 16 July 2017

Dr Who?

It's been a while since I've had a rant on here but you know what? A day like today kind of deserves one. This afternoon, a new Dr was announced and from the furore on social media, you would think that Jeremy Hunt got the job. Although to be fair, it would be the nearest he ever fucking got to a doctor, that's for sure.

The new Dr is a woman, and people are SHOOK.

You have people out there celebrating, you have people out there who are reserving judgement until they have watched an episode and then you have people who swear blind they are never going to watch it again, purely because the new Dr has a vagina and not a penis.

You know, the character in a TV programme that can regenerate and fights aliens and is ACTUALLY an alien, but isn't actually real, people are throwing their TV remotes out of the window and requesting a refund of their licence fee.

What is the betting that these people currently outraged, read the Daily Mail and complain about immigrants online on a daily basis, but HEAVEN FORBID you mess with their own beloved alien.

"It is pandering to the PC brigade"

"Dr Who is a man, always has been and always will be

"Feminists ruin everything"

are just some of the comments online today, and I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

I for one, welcome our new female Dr and I will be tuning in at Xmas to see how it all goes, how about you?

What are your thoughts on the new Dr, let me know your thoughts.

Big Fashionista x x x


Monday, 19 June 2017

Why Festivals Might Not Be For Me

Firstly, how I got to 41 without going to a music festival is beyond me, I probably should have spent some of my teens and twenties going to music festivals, but I didn't. Which is why now, after going to my first music festival, it is time to realise that perhaps music festivals may not be for me.

Don't get me wrong, I had a fantastic time. I went to Let's Rock Leeds and I saw some of the people I missed the first time around, like, Dr & The Medics, Tony Hadley, Kid Creole and The Coconuts and Human League and they were fab.

But I need my creature comforts, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE TOILETS??? Every time I needed the loo, (Quite often, I have the bladder of a toddler) I wanted to cry. The words CESS PIT were muttered under my breath more times than when I walk into my teenagers bedroom, the smell. OH MY GOD, the smell! Is that normal? Why is it normal?

Is this why people drink? So they don't have to smell the portaloos?

Flags against blue sky

The weather was fantastic, I have never experienced weather like it, so so so hot, the kind of day you want to either hide away and eat ice cream or be out with friends and eat ice cream, UNLESS, like me, you are concerned about the sun safety of others. I managed to burn one arm, (I'm a twat, but I'm a safe twat) but some people were topless or wearing bikini tops and I was flinching as they walked past, it looked like a Lobster convention where the beer was cold and in plentiful supply, (If you didn't mind queuing for an hour)

I kept flinching at people and thinking, "They are going to feel that in the morning"

Mum Mode Level 10.

I also don't like crowds, so we sat on the grass, well out of the way, high on the hill to get a great view of the stage and listen to the music.

Music stage

Which is great at first, until another 10,000 people descend on Temple Newsam and pretty much all of them decide to sit in front of you/beside you/on you. 

It was at this point I wondered who I should have sold my soul to, to upgrade to the VIP section. 

They had posh loos, at this point, I would have sold everything I own, just to get access to the posh loos. 

red head wearing face paint

Face paint helped. Face paint always helps, right?

Slush puppies helped, but then, Slush puppies always help too.

I have come to the conclusion that festivals are perhaps not for me, unless I get either A, A VIP pass, or B, a posh loo pass.

There is no shame in admitting that perhaps festivals are not my thing, I had a great day out with my husband, but would I do it again?

I'm not sure.

How about you? Are you a festival fan? Do the toilets always smell that way? And where does one get one of those inflatable things you lay in? They looked fab.

Let me know.

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