Firstly, I am far too busy for this shit and deeply resent that I have to even write about this crap, it is 2015, Glamour Magazine. Twenty-Fucking-Fifteen, not Nineteen-Fifteen.
So let us address the issues of Glamour Magazine and their 13 little things that you can do to make a man fall in love with you. Bear in mind that this is the U.S version of Glamour mag so I will TRY to forgive their spelling of words like "favourite" and here is a link to the Glamour article because people keep tweeting me saying that it CANNOT BE REAL. http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2015/07/how-to-make-a-man-fall-in-love
1. Stocking the fridge with his favorite drinks. Bonus points: Bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.
Is this what it takes to make a man fall in love with you? Have I just got to hang around outside the bathroom and wait? What if he is having a poo? What if he showers in the morning? Should I really be forcing beer on him at 7.30am?
2. Making him a snack after sex. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal—a simple grilled cheese or milk and cookies will do.
If I have had sex with a man and I have the energy to make him a snack after sex, then he doesn't get a snack, he is doing it all wrong. Plus I grill cheese for no bitch, and if he wants Milk and Cookies after sex with me then I've done it all wrong.
3. Emailing him the latest online gossip about his favorite TV show. You don’t have to have a BFF at HBO. Just share applicable links from your Twitter feed and pat yourself on the back.
Glamour magazine have NO fucking idea do they?
4. Bragging about him to your friends, family, the stranger on the street corner—whomever. Proclamations of pride will make his chest puff out and his heart swell.
(My man's farts smell Sooooooo much worse than yours, nan)
5. Answering the door in a negligée—or, better yet, naked.
To who? The postman? A delivery driver? Why does this make a man love you? Unless you are trying to pull the post man.
6. Being open to what he wants to try in the bedroom and out. An open mind is attractive no matter your playground.
I'm not having sex in a playground.
7. Letting him help solve your petty work problem. Many men don’t do gossip, but they do like to fix things.
I'm not waiting six months for my man to fix my petty work problem.
8. Spitting out sports stats for his favorite team. Showing an interest in his favorite players will earn you points on and off the field.
I did wonder where this was going after the words spitting out. I am a bad person.
9. Making a big deal out of his favorite meal. Does he like hot dogs cut up into his boxed mac-and-cheese? Serve it on a fancy tray in bed to really see him smile.
This is a man, not a toddler, shall I feed him his dinner and make airplane noises too?
10. Treating his friends as well as you treat your own. If you win their affections, you’ll win his heart.
If I like you, I am rude to you, his friends don't like it, they can suck my dick.
11. Sitting side-by-side while he watches his favorite TV. It may not feel like quality time to you, but it’s the best time to him.
Asking, so what is happening here? Who is that? Why are they doing that? Men just love that shit.
12. Giving him a massage—happy ending completely optional. In fact, a foot rub works just fine.
Not for me it fucking doesn't. Urgh, get the feet away from me.
13. Taking him back to third grade with a gentle tease over anything from how you’ll dominate him on the basketball court to the weird way he just styled his hair.
I don't even know what to say to this? How old is third grade? Why will teasing someone about their hair make them love me?
Basically, this whole list is a pile of shit that has got me angry enough to spit, (I bet Glamour wouldn't approve) What are your thoughts on the situation?
Let me know
Big Fashionista x x x