Monday, 17 August 2015

Taxi For Kellie

I have come to the conclusion that there are only ever two sentences that I say to cab drivers. 

"Evening, drive, been busy?"

(I'm originally from East London, "drive " is like a term of endearment, honest) 


"Been on for long?"

(in this case, I am asking him how long he has been working his shift for, I'm not enquiring about his menstrual cycle) 

Am I alone in this? Why is it that we are incapable of getting in a cab without saying these two sentences? Even if I spend the whole journey in silence, by the end I am shaking with the need to enquire whether the aforementioned driver has been busy or not, PLUS, it is rude to ask the cab driver to turn up his music if you haven't first asked him if he has been working for a long time. 

Pro-tip, if you want to ask the cab driver to change the radio station, not only ask him if he has been busy, but wait for him to reply and then sympathise with him, before you know it, you can even get the driver to change the channel to KISS FM if you want. This works better if the drunken missy in the front also tells the driver that his music is shit. 

But I digress, I wonder exactly how many times a day Mr Cabbie is asked those questions, I wonder if he is now offended if you DON'T ask these questions? 

I also wonder if I am alone in asking these questions, I will press publish and everyone will go.... "she asks, WHAT?"

So let me know. 

Big Fashionista 

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Minion Overload

Ok, it was funny at first. I LOVE Despicable Me, I'd watch Despicable Me 2 if I had nothing else to watch but please can we now STOP WITH THE MINIONS ON EVERYTHING? 

I cannot stand "Inspirational" posters at the best of times, stick a fucking Minion on it and what, you expect me to take it seriously? Currently my Facebook feed is 40% quiz results, 10% cool stuff, (I have to say that, in case anyone comes from my Facebook link) and 50% Minions in one shape or another. From Minion tattoos (Don't do that) to listicles about what is your favourite Minion, (is it too soon to say, A dead one?) they are EVERYWHERE. 


I'm starting to grit my teeth every time I see one of the little yellow bastards, and it started off so well. I giggled when they said, Ba-Na-Na and laughed when they said bottom. Now try to guess where I want to stick that nana? 

They are oversaturating the market here too many Minions, too little patience. 

Am I a bad person? Am I being cynical and rude to the poor defenceless little Minions, or do you agree with me? 

Have we reached Minion Overload?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Specsavers, Stop Stereotyping My Children

I wear glasses, my other half wears glasses, my two eldest wear glasses so I pretty much might as well transfer a portion of my wages to Specsavers each month in advance. I like the convenience of Specsavers, but what I DON'T like is this.

Oh no, Specsavers. Please don't do this. I have just spent twenty minutes telling my 9yr old daughter that if she wants a pair of glasses that are in the boys section, she can damn well have them. Her response? "But it's the BOYS section" 

As I'm sure you can imagine, the boys section has glasses with Marvel, Planes and even Toy Story on them. The girls section has Disney Princesses and Moshi Monsters.  (well it did, I mixed it up a bit) 

Why, oh why, in 2015 must I be writing about this? Why can't they go back to having a KIDS SECTION? Which they have done in the past? 

If my daughter wants glasses with Marvel comic heroes on them, why does Specsavers say that she shouldn't have them? Why must they only be for BOYS? 

Why must Moshi monsters or Disney Princesses be for girls? I say NO to this stereotyping, A KIDS SECTION, with glasses for ALL kids, that's what is needed, do you agree? 

And please feel free to let Specsavers know that this is wrong, I would appreciate it. Leave your comments below too. 

Big Fashionista x x x

UPDATE. Specsavers have tweeted to say that they are now reviewing the merchandising. WATCH THIS SPACE

Monday, 27 July 2015

Glamour and Relationships, How to get a man to love you.

Firstly, I am far too busy for this shit and deeply resent that I have to even write about this crap, it is 2015, Glamour Magazine. Twenty-Fucking-Fifteen, not Nineteen-Fifteen.

So let us address the issues of Glamour Magazine and their 13 little things that you can do to make a man fall in love with you. Bear in mind that this is the U.S version of Glamour mag so I will TRY to forgive their spelling of words like "favourite" and here is a link to the Glamour article because people keep tweeting me saying that it CANNOT BE REAL.

1. Stocking the fridge with his favorite drinks. Bonus points: Bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.

Is this what it takes to make a man fall in love with you? Have I just got to hang around outside the bathroom and wait? What if he is having a poo? What if he showers in the morning? Should I really be forcing beer on him at 7.30am?

2. Making him a snack after sex. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal—a simple grilled cheese or milk and cookies will do.

If I have had sex with a man and I have the energy to make him a snack after sex, then he doesn't get a snack, he is doing it all wrong. Plus I grill cheese for no bitch, and if he wants Milk and Cookies after sex with me then I've done it all wrong.

3. Emailing him the latest online gossip about his favorite TV show. You don’t have to have a BFF at HBO. Just share applicable links from your Twitter feed and pat yourself on the back.

Glamour magazine have NO fucking idea do they?

4. Bragging about him to your friends, family, the stranger on the street corner—whomever. Proclamations of pride will make his chest puff out and his heart swell.

(My man's farts smell Sooooooo much worse than yours, nan) 

5. Answering the door in a negligĂ©e—or, better yet, naked.

To who? The postman? A delivery driver? Why does this make a man love you? Unless you are trying to pull the post man.

6. Being open to what he wants to try in the bedroom and out. An open mind is attractive no matter your playground.

I'm not having sex in a playground. 

7. Letting him help solve your petty work problem. Many men don’t do gossip, but they do like to fix things.

I'm not waiting six months for my man to fix my petty work problem.

8. Spitting out sports stats for his favorite team. Showing an interest in his favorite players will earn you points on and off the field.

I did wonder where this was going after the words spitting out. I am a bad person.

9. Making a big deal out of his favorite meal. Does he like hot dogs cut up into his boxed mac-and-cheese? Serve it on a fancy tray in bed to really see him smile.

This is a man, not a toddler, shall I feed him his dinner and make airplane noises too?

10. Treating his friends as well as you treat your own. If you win their affections, you’ll win his heart.

If I like you, I am rude to you, his friends don't like it, they can suck my dick.

11. Sitting side-by-side while he watches his favorite TV. It may not feel like quality time to you, but it’s the best time to him.

Asking, so what is happening here? Who is that? Why are they doing that? Men just love that shit.

12. Giving him a massage—happy ending completely optional. In fact, a foot rub works just fine.

Not for me it fucking doesn't. Urgh, get the feet away from me. 

13. Taking him back to third grade with a gentle tease over anything from how you’ll dominate him on the basketball court to the weird way he just styled his hair.

I don't even know what to say to this? How old is third grade? Why will teasing someone about their hair make them love me? 

Basically, this whole list is a pile of shit that has got me angry enough to spit, (I bet Glamour wouldn't approve) What are your thoughts on the situation?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x x 

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Stop Trying To Make Bronde Happen


for some reason, even HEARING the word Bronde, is enough to set me off on a rage that is so strong only chocolate and hugs are enough to calm me down. 

Bronde? Bronde? A mixture of brown and blonde, are we THAT lazy that we cannot say two words now? We have to compress it into one. 

I'm sure that when I was growing up, we called it mousy. A mousy blonde? Now granted, I can't see that working on a packet of dye. "oooooooh I really fancy going mousy blonde" but Bronde is REALLY getting annoying. 

What do you think about Bronde? Is it fabulous? Do you describe yourself as Bronde, or are you in the same camp as me and roll your eyes whenever you hear it.

Let me know. 

Big Fashionista x x 

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Media Frenzy over Benefit Cheats, This needs to stop.

"Disability Scroungers"

"Benefit Cheats"

"Welfare generation"

How many times do we read in the papers these days about the unemployed, disabled benefit scroungers who, if you would believe the media, are STEALING DIRECTLY FROM YOU?

Every day the media tries to whip up a frenzy about people FAKING illness to fund their booze, fags and 50" television filled lifestyles. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there are people out there who are cheating the system, but let us cut to the point here, it is nowhere near as many as the media AND politicians would have you believe.

Yesterday I read an article in the Daily Mail, the link is here if you feel like immersing yourself in filth for a moment.  It talks about a Benefit Claimant caught lifting a 17 stone mobility scooter, says how much he receives a month and includes a picture of characters from Little Britain, Lou and Andy, you know the one, the one who gets out of his wheelchair constantly. The article is designed to make you angry, angry at all the benefit CHEATS out there, the scroungers, the scum who are taking your money.

But what if it isn't like that? What if it isn't like that at all?

I wanted to rewrite the article. I do not know if this is true, but neither do the Daily Mail KNOW that their version is true. There are many many people out there with invisible illnesses who claim benefit, benefit they NEED to survive, to eat. Tomorrows Daily Mail headline could be one of these people, "DISABLED WOMAN GOES TO THE SHOPS"

What The Daily Fail doesn't realise is that this woman HAS to go to the shop, she has no support system, no-one who can get the things for her that she needs, so she goes to the shops, to get FOOD, and then spends the next three days in bed recovering. Do the Daily Mail mention that? Of course not. Let us not even start on people with Blue Badges who "don't look disabled" that is a whole other post. but here is a side note, they don't give those Blue Badges out for fun. Don't be a cunt and tell someone they don't LOOK disabled, its rude, and quite cuntish.

I digress.

Here is my version of the Daily Mail article, I would love your thoughts.

A 50 year old man, Gwynfor Jones, who worked all his life, until a crippling knee injury forced him to quit work in 2009, has spoken today about how he is so fearful that his mobility scooter, his lifeline that he relies on to get around, will be stolen that, despite his illnesses that include 6 heart attacks, a minor stroke and a kidney blockage, he is forced to lift the 17 stone scooter into his house each night to keep it safe. 

Mr Jones spoke about how it can take him over half an hour to take the scooter inside and he risks injury every time he does so, yet he cannot take the chance that it will be stolen in the high crime area that he lives in. Mr Jones, a father of two needs his scooter to remain independent, as without it, he would be dependent on others to do simple tasks that currently he can do for himself, giving him self sufficiency, pride and independence. 

Is it not a shame that a man who worked all his life until injury forced him to quit work and claim benefits to which he is fully entitled is unable to leave his scooter outside for fear of it being stolen.

So as I said, I don't know if this is the truth,  but neither do the Daily Mail, there are plenty of disabled people out there who claim benefit, and can do things in short bursts, because they NEED TO, CAN DO, or WANT TO. This doesn't make them scroungers as the media would have you believe.

The best quote I can find that relates to this whole situation.

“If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.”
Malcolm X.

What do you think? I would love your thoughts on this.

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x

Monday, 13 July 2015

Pretty Much Everything Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels

I am a big lass, I'm overweight, and you know what? That's ok. I lose weight, I put it on, it never changes me as a person and I can honestly say that, at my thinnest, I was no happier or unhappier than at my biggest. My weight doesn't define me as a person, a friend, a lover or an enemy.

I was looking at the saying, used by many as an inspirational quote when they are trying to lose weight,

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" 

Well that is total bollocks. There are MANY MANY MANY things out there that taste as good as skinny feels. Firstly, before I give you a list of foods that will give you a food boner, why are we even comparing eating to body shape? Is it the assumption that all food that tastes good will make you put on weight? Jesus, no wonder we don't know whether we are coming or going? I'm not going to sit here and say that you can eat anything that you want to in moderation, probably because I have the self control of Kim Kardashian when given a mirror and a camera phone....... None, and you don't need me to preach to you what you can and can't eat, your body, your rules, your choice. 

But I digress, I was thinking about food that tastes as good as skinny feels. So here is my list, and I would LOVE to know what yours is too. 

Hot buttered toast and jam. 

Cheeseburgers, preferably with an onion ring or three thrown in. 

Crisp, juicy bright green apples. 

Cake, all cake, I don't mean a slice of cake, if I'd have meant a slice of cake, I'd have said a slice. Give me the cake, and some time. 

Oooooh Brownies, preferably these ones.

(food boner, am I right?) 

Sushi, vegetable Sushi. 



Cheesy bacon. 

I am now hungry. 

What is your food list? Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x