Friday, 21 November 2014
So I managed to desperately disappoint some of you yesterday with the title of my post "What Would Willow Do?" For SOME of you, Willow is part of Buffy and you all hopped over here expecting a post about Buffy.
Sorry about that.
What I did promise to do to make it up to you, was a post about Buffy in the future and the best way to do that HAS to be Nom or Vom, so without any further ado, I bring you this week's Nom or Vom
Thursday, 20 November 2014
After reading the interview with Jaden and Willow Smith in Time Magazine on Tuesday, I wondered, can I too live and learn by and from the teachings of the Smiths. (not you, Morrisey, sit down)
I decided to spend some time following the ways of Willow and Jaden because, well you know, living.
Waking up in the morning is always hard for me so for my first foray into the world of the Smith children, I decided to heed the words of 16 yr old actor and musician, Jaden Smith who stated "the huge, terrible thing in the world would be missing by not expressing yourself... So I told my alarm to F off and went back to sleep for half an hour.
This now meant that I was going to be late, but in following my new gurus I knew I had an opportunity to put this right. Willow states that she can make time go slow or fast, and that's why she knows it doesn't exist.
Unfortunately, neither Willow or Jaden explain how they do this. So I just set the clocks back half an hour in my house. Done.
By this point in the morning I was fully understanding what they had meant by "The feeling of being like, this is a fragment, of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made" but then I realised I hadn't had my morning coffee yet. Phew, I'm feeling ya, guys. Really feeling your pain.
Next was the school run, Willow and Jaden state that "School is not authentic, because it ends. It's not true, it's not real"
I thought that to be truly authentic, that perhaps I too should keep my teenage children home from school so that they can be less "angsty" and less "tired" but then I realised that we would probably not all make it to the end of the day in one piece, and let's face it, I'm not that stupid. Bye bye, teenagers of mine. Try not to let the door hit you on the way out the house.
I quickly check through the teachings of the Smiths once again to see if there is anything in there about not drinking tea and coffee. Thankfully they seem to have avoided any mention of not taking in caffeine, so I have a cup of tea and I think about leaving the house (PARKLIFE)
Firstly I have to write a novel, because I have nothing to read. I decide that a small poem will have to do.
Roses are red,
Hydrangeas are blue
Because of the ph levels in the soil
I really feel that I am just starting to GET these people.
I dwell on the fact that Willow talks about how you have to breathe to live and I try to get in touch with the "sacred space of my heart" for a while, but that's hard. So I just breathe in and out for a bit instead and feel proud, coz you know? Living.
At this point, I decide that I now know everything that there is to know about everything.
Thank you Willow and Jaden, just keep on, you know? Living.
What do you think? Have you read the Willow and Jaden article? Have you too learnt from the teachings of the Smiths? Join us, or leave me a comment, either or.
Big Fashionista x x
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
With Christmas fast approaching and Christmas adverts getting more and more like films, it is heartening to see old favourites like Duracell on my screen talking about putting Duracell batteries in toys to make them last longer.
Bless their innocence, I'm the person that takes batteries OUT of things after they have driven me to distraction for 24 hours, or swaps out one new battery for an old one so it doesn't last as long (pro tip, right there)
Then I notice that Duracell are using a FURBY in their advert. Seriously Duracell, if there was EVER a thing that didn't need it's battery life extending....
Furbys are the work of the devil. I used to have one myself, (Yes, I was an adult, I bloody loved it.) I don't know what happened to it, but I KNOW it is sitting wherever it went, just WAITING for me to come back. Furbys don't die, they just sleep, and wait...... FOREVER.
When Furbys came back, I remembered my old Furby with fondness, (forgetting all the times it had sat on a shelf laughing to itself in the middle of the night, freaking me out) and thought it would make a great gift for one of my children.
NO, just no.
Evil, wrapped in fur, that's what they are. You know those baby dolls that never stop crying? Even when they are meant to? They are AMATEURS compared to a Furby. No matter where you hide it, it will find you, it has no concept of time, it can be the middle of the night and it will call to you. You may not have seen it for a week or two (where DO they go?) but when you least expect it, it will open its eyes and spout gobbledygook like a possessed gerbil on Halloween, scaring the living SHIT out of you.
Furbys don't CARE whether you are tired, whether you are pregnant or whether you have a heart condition, it just wants to EAT YOUR FINGER.
And Duracell tell us, "No battery lasts longer"? I'm sorry Duracell but if I EVER have to have a Furby in my house again, once I have had it exorcised, the last thing I am going to do is put long-lasting batteries in it. Poundland batteries or NOTHING.
Although part of me worries that it would still keep going. Evil little buggers.
What do you think? Do you share my distrust of Furbys? Or do you have fond memories of the little bastards?
Let me know
Big Fashionista x x
Saturday, 15 November 2014
Friday, 14 November 2014
Thursday, 13 November 2014
I am in an extremely foul mood.
Not only is Christian Horner marrying Geri Halliwell and not me and NOT ONLY is my Mac Book Air going in for life saving surgery today but,
And it is a big butt,
I am being visually assaulted by Kim Kardashians arse
Under the guise of #BreakTheInternet Kim Kardashian has posed for this picture for Paper Mag.
Congratulations, lovely. You've got your backside out. Nudity doesn't bother me at all, not in the slightest.
Do I WANT to see it? Nope
Are you going to show me it anyway? Yep.
And obviously everyone saddled up their high horse and got up on it.
"that woman will do anything for attention"
"Why, Kim? Why?"
"At least she didn't get her vag out"
I genuinely do not give seven sacks of fuck about this woman. She seems to be desperate for attention, and thrives in the limelight and you know what, crack on. (No pun intended)
But the one part that really bugs me is people throwing her status as a mother into it
"Oh you're a mother, you can't do that"
"Bet your daughter will be proud"
Even Naya Rivera of Glee fame has chimed in.
Let's not do this, I personally don't want to see KK's arse but let's not use her motherhood as a way of keeping her down. Let's not keep ANYONE down this way.
"No you can't work, you're a mother"
"You can't do this, you're a mother"
DON'T tell anyone they shouldn't do something because they are a mother.
In my opinion you are not judge and jury and whatever we do, our children will be embarrassed by us anyway.
So CRACK ON Kim, it's not for me but don't let anyone tell you what you shouldn't do because you're a mother.
What do you think?
Let me know
Big fashionista x x