Friday, 23 July 2010

The lazy bitches guide to housework

Whether you are at work all day or at home, I don't know anyone male or female who skips around the house saying Whoop whoop it's time for housework. (Ok, thats a lie, I do know one, I once bought her cleaning cloths as a present!!!!)

I think there are more important things in life than a tidy house. 3 children, 3 cats, Mr Fashionista (Who seems to hoard things like a very large borrower) and I make our home happy. It is clean (mostly) but very rarely a showhome. (ok, never-3 minutes after we moved in pandemonium reigned and it still rules now)

But here are some tips to keeping up the facade of a domestic goddess without having to work like a dog to do it.


Tip 1; Meet the tumble dryer, the tumble dryer is a girls best friend. Not only is it great for storing clean clothes in, (as well as empty vodka bottles but hey I digress) it is also a brilliant lazy way to iron. ten minutes in the dryer and BANG, everything is crease free (Also if you have children you can tell them you are doing it to warm them up-good mummy)

Tip 2; Why not trawl through support groups and offer up your home to people dealing with OCD, this is a terrible affliction and you can help in a BIG way by first letting them tidy your home each day, and then after then they have to leave just 1 thing out of place, then two, then three. If you stagger the appointments you can have a clean and tidy house each day while helping people at the same time with their therapy. See how good you are?

Tip 3; If you have small crawling children why not attach cleaning cloths to their hands and knees, they are going to crawl around anyway. you might as well get some use out of them as they do so. Even a fleecy all-in-one makes a great polishing cloth.


Tip 4; Again for the mums out there. If your child has a tendency to make their room so messy that you are worried a large woodland animal may take up residence at the bottom of the bed, this one is for you. Take their most favourite possession, It could be their teddy that they can't sleep without, a picture of a dead grandparent, for the teens their mobile is always a good place to start (Don't forget to turn it off or the lazy little buggers will just ring it) and then bury it deep within the room. Tell the child that you did see it in the room, it is most definately there, and then watch while they at least move things around to find it. (If you hide other things in the mess as well that really helps a child with a short attention span i;e teenagers)

Tip 5; Bribery. It's a beautiful thing. Offer a child a couple of quid (please make sure it is your own child, or at least a child you know) just to pick a couple of bits up. They are happy, your happy, everyones a winner.


Tip 6; I have saved the best tip for last, given to me by someone who swore me to secrecy (my bad) this lesson is taught by women, to women and should be passed down to the next generation by the elders at the correct age (after they move out of your house) Picture the scene. It's 5.45pm. your other half will be home any minute and you have sat back and enjoyed the day. Instead of taking the advice of 50's domestic goddesses who say dress up for your man, do this. Old T-shirt. tie up your hair in a scraggy knot, the messier the better. lay around various cleaning products and wet the fgloor slightly so it looks like it has partly dried and then spray polish in the air. lots and lots of polish. Then sit down and wait for hubby to come in and explain that it's no use. no matter how much you clean each day, the dust always comes back!!!!!! maybe its time to hire a cleaner?


Do you have any Lazy bitch tips for me? (I mean other readers)


Big Fashionista x x
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13 comments

  1. I vote hire a cleaner!

    www.beautyandtheblogger.co.uk

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  2. Second hire a cleaner!

    Luckily for me my boyfriend is slightly OCD about having a clean house :D

    xx

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  3. Love it - I'm going to live by Tip 6. I've tried getting the boyfriend to help, but no luck - cleaner it is.

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  4. We have a cleaner supposedly coming every two weeks and i tell you it is useless!!!! We are 5 in the house, and except me and my boyfriend, our roommates won't do any house chores because they have been told a cleaner would come...But she isn't regular...

    Next roommates in, we told them nothing about the sporadic cleaner and sure they will shake their asses cleaning!!!!

    http://msbubuandhergirlyness.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hear you! 3 children, all under 8 years old - permanent mess. Husband who thinks our home is the set of Scrapheap Challenge - a daily nightmare. 2 cats (1 a kitten) - stolen teddies (by kitten) scattered everywhere, and bits of paper they like to chase everywhere.

    Should I confess to having a penchant for the Yankee Candles clean cotton candle? Makes your home seem instantly tidy!

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  6. This post made me laugh so much!! I will definitely use some of these tips in the future, especially the using a child as a floor cleaner one. Oh my poor future slaves...erm, I mean offspring!

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  7. Oh my god, that is brilliant...haven't laughed so much at a blog post...how did I miss this one first time around :-O

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  8. HAHAAHHA!! we believe in happy homes too. not necessarily clean ;)

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  9. We hired a cleaner a few years back and I was sooo worried she'd think we were complete scruffy-ettas, I'd clean like a maniac before she got here! I guess you could therefore say that hiring a cleaner did actually work? lol

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  10. I have a few tips but it means a little bit of work.
    1) Buy some storage boxes-shoe boxes whatever.
    2) Do one room at a time - I always start with the kitchen.
    3) sort three piles one washing up, one laundry and the other brickerbrack to be sorted.
    4) wash up first-yes that also mean dry up and put away. Now you will have some surface space. Then sort and start laundry. While washing is on sort brickerbrack into boxes.
    Now the kitchen is done leave the rest until tomorrow and use the same method.
    I say do one or two rooms a day. Then its easier to keep organised.
    Or just if your house proud but can't be assed then don't answer the door to guests lol

    ReplyDelete
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