Thursday, 16 September 2010

Pregnant Wag? Oh this stuff writes itself.

Bear with me it seems to be open season on WAGS this week and trust me i'm going to go a-huntin.

Ah Ms Clancy, I hear congratulations are in order and you have become with child. It seems like you waited for the 12 week scan before announcing you were up the duff and for that I thank you, there is nothing more trying than a celebrity pregnancy that goes on for years (why yes Natalie Cassidy, I am talking about you)

Now Abby, I fully expect (Nay, DEMAND) you to bring out a baby clothing range, endorse a stretch mark cream, (and not get even one) have a three page spread in Hello (or OK, whatever rocks your world) and then OBVIOUSLY do the obligitory naked "Demi" shoot. Then FOUR weeks after giving birth I expect you in skinny jeans telling the whole world how the weight just fell off you and its all down to breastfeeding or good genes-whatever.

Thats fine, it is in the handbook they give out when becoming a WAG.

But please, whatever you do, The one thing I NEVER want to see you do,  is give an interview saying that you forgave Peter Crouch for his "indiscretion" because of the baby.

Think about it. You are a women that some women look up to (please don't ask me why, thats a WHOLE new high horse I don't care to climb on at this time)

I don't care if aforementioned Peter Crouch-ing Tiger, Hidden Man Slag (ahhh i'm so glad I got to use that one again) has sworn on his unborn baby's life that he will never cheat again.  Chances are that while you are at home with the baby, exhausted after being up all night, wearing vomit splashed clothes and a face that looks as though it needs a damn good wash, let alone make-up, Mr Daddy of the year 2011 will be eyeing up any woman that even looks at him and he will be using the excuse "Abby never has any time for me anymore" He probably has that line all stored up ready to use. And even if he doesn't cheat again in his lifetime. you will FOREVER be wondering if he is and a hormonal exhausted women is anything but rational. (It WILL cross your mind)

That is your bed (and you have chosen to lie in it with your legs in the air)  but if you say that you have forgiven him BECAUSE of the baby there are going to be a LOT of other women who are in a similar situation who may follow your lead. They wear the same jeans as you, have their hair done in the same style, why not put up with their cheating man-whore boyfriends JUST. LIKE. YOU.

I'm not even going to judge you for taking him back (I want to..... Oh how I want to) It's your life. your choice. Even saying that you took him back because you love him (although vomit-inducing) is better than because of the baby. Remember also one day, Baby Crouch may read that article.

Congrats on the news x x x 

I look forward to the baby range x x x

Being a role model's a bitch ain't it x x x

Big Fashionista x x


  1. I love this! Your writing gets better and better xxx

  2. Very funny as always, thanks K. Jan x

  3. Unravelling the mysteries of the WAG....oh wait thats an oxymoron right? Pure genius! Love it x


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