Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Run Away

There is a disease sweeping the nation, it causes sweating, aches, pains and sometimes even blood will seep from your nipples.

"What is this terrible disease" I hear you cry

It is called JOGGING. This is just one of the names the horrible disease goes by. The real Latin name for this disease is Running(dem) (Does adding the word dem on the end make it seem more Latin?)

Running............ One word. WHY?

I do not run. (Hell I'm so lazy even my mascara doesn't run)

I do not run for a bus (There will be another one along in an hour or so)

I do not run if it rains (That is what an umbrella is for)

I probably wouldn't even run if my life depended on it. (let us never put this to the test) 

I just don't get it. maybe it is because I am not built to run, (black eyes are so NOT in for autumn) plus as I run my arms seem to do this crazy disco kind of movement that make me look as though I have had (or need) some kind of treatment.

I see friends walking like they have spent three months in Guantanamo Bay and yet when I ask them whats wrong it is just that they did a 5 mile run the day before!!!! (A self imposed Guantanamo bay maybe)

The best oxymoron I have ever heard has to be FUN RUN.   What kind of sick and twisted individual came up with that idea?  If you want to run for charity. Fantastic, Brilliant. I will sponsor you, come and cheer you on and give you a mars bar at the end because i'm proud of you. But why add the word FUN to it? It's false advertising!!! It may be fun beforehand, waiting with your friends and talking to everyone and supporting everyone and oooh look at the banners. But once you start that bad boy-there is nothing fun about it.

It is meant to be healthy and good for you as well I hear. But then once upon a time they said the same about cigarettes didn't they? I'm sure at the time when cigarettes were all the rage there was someone shaking his head in fear saying, "this is all going to go terribly wrong for you. cigarettes are terrible, they are bad for you and they will kill you" ................................(he was right you know) 

What happens if in 50 years time they say. Oh my god, Running is so bad for you that no-one should do it again? or they set an age limit on it? No-one OVER the age of 16 is allowed to run. Trainers are only sold with a health warning and on the box there are pictures of a jogger with his little pink lungs on the pavement as he jogged them loose and they fell out. (So tragic)

So I will be that crazy man. "Cease jogging, desist from running" because seriously, as far as I can see. The risks outweigh the rewards.

Now who wants to share this cake with me?

Big Fashionista x x


  1. Ahh I see what we have here, and I was right there with ya about 3 years ago. But then the unthinkable happened. I joined a gym ...then a few months later I actually started going to the gym! Then I started running on the treadmill, and started running for longer and longer. Then I took to the streets / fields and started running outside and loving it.
    Now, when I'm stressed instead of having a large glass of vino, I pound it out on the pavements (and then have a large glass of vino!). If I don't get to run 5 times a week I feel deprived, like a child who has had their sweets taken away. I actually love running and yes I find it fun *gasp!*. (plus those endorphins drug you can get for free!)
    I never thought it would happen but I am one of THOSE people now. Come join us!

  2. sadly i have already been infected - i only hope others read this article and save themselves. thank you big fashionista

  3. I am with you 100% I do not run for anything - I don't mind the bus leaving or missing the train. I will not RUN and NOBODY will make me... I guess it all stems from my PE teacher shouting behind me - Come on Bettina, you can do it.

  4. Ha ha - I have been afflicted by this, I blame my sis who told me that when you have been running for a bit, ie more than a month and and several times/miles a week it really feels like flying. So off I set, old trainers, OH's tracky bottoms (he is the thin man so that is a game for a start!) puffing and panting and red of face, disaster. I decide to go and get properly fitted for trainers - I honestly thought, yes honestly, for goodness sake, I honestly thought they would make me run like a gazelle, and it was my trainers that were making me run like a cart horse. Oh the naivety! and the disappointment, and the knees - ooh the knees. I am a brisk walker now, when I can be bothered. Loved the post, thanks so much Jan x

  5. I haven't ran in about 5 years. I physically can't do it. I have no need to do it. So I don't.

    love the blog,
    xx polkadot

  6. I hate running, and I wouldn't run for my life either... I think the longest I did on the treadmill was 3 minutes and that's with lungs feeling like they were burning inside.. literally !

    I thought running on the road/pavement was actually really bad for the knees and the ankles... so I thought my fat weight wouldn't probably do any more harm than running so I thought I'd stick with the flab :)

  7. Before my car accident in June, I was supposed to start running. With this glowing recommendation, I may have to reconsider. Thanks for the heads up.

  8. I suffer from this disease periodically although thankfully each bout only lasts a few weeks before it clears up. It seem to be brought on by an imminent beach holiday or seeing people that I need to look shit hot in front of. Terrible stuff :)


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