Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Licence to.........................

I overheard the other day (ok, I was being nosy, you caught me) two old men in the park grumbling about how anyone can buy a dog these days and you used to be able to have to buy a dog licence and it got me thinking (I do that occasionally, Not too often-it hurts)

More things need to be licenced. (It's a genius idea, I should be running this bloody country)

Let us start with the obvious.

Children.

I have seen plenty of people out there who would have benefitted from having to take a exam or attend a class (or ten) regarding child rearing before being given the licence which allows them to breed.

One question I would definately like to see added to this exam is this.


You have a 9ml bottle for your 7 month old baby, how many mls of Coca cola can you put in it?

A) 4mls

B) 9mls

C) Stop scanning for the correct answer you inbred.


Next woman I catch doing that will get the same treatment as the last one I saw. (Her ears are probably still ringing)

Plus to obtain this licence you must prove that you are earning enough to support the little creature. No money, no hunny-END OF.


Fashion

Yes there are some things that you should need a licence to wear.

Crocs-Prove to me that you are a hospital worker and MAYBE I will let you off with a warning about your taste, but I will admire your dedication to your work so much that you will have your licence granted.  Other than that. I'm afraid if you are caught wearing these without a licence the penalty is having your feet removed at the ankles. (If I catch you wearing them with socks, it is DEATH)

Another thing that needs a licence is jeans worn below your backside showing off your pants, This licence is incredibly hard to get hold of, in fact the only time this licence is granted is................. actually no. No licence for this AT all. Stop it.

You have not been to prison and had your belt taken off of you rude boi, pull them up, you look ridiculous.

Chavs

Aren't most of them out on licence anyway? :-)



What do you think needs to be licenced these days? Any here that you disagree with?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x
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6 comments

  1. I love this post! Coke in a bottle? Seriously?!
    Agree with all points although I do have a shameful confession... I own crocs. There I said it. In my defense I only wear them whilst gardening... am I forgiven?
    I think you need a licence to wear shorts in the summer months... some just shouldn't.

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  2. Animals should be licensed. Kids should be licensed. Old people driving cars should be made to re-apply for a license (more dangerous than chavs in chavmobiles.) People shopping in Topshop should be licensed - if you're over 35 you need to really consider if that leather mini is a good look for you. i could go on and on and on...

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  3. The boy and I were talking about this the other day (the children thing) - typical of Croydon scenery - we saw a woman with a triple pram each seat holding a different shade of child. Between taking a drag from her Mayfair Superking and spitting on the pavement, she'd tell her kids to STFU or she'd leave them in the road! When your "mother" is blowing smoke down your throat and spewing disease all over the streets, it's only natural to cry. I think anyway.

    I agree with dog licensing too. The amount of dogs (particularly staffies) ending up in rescue centres is insane.

    One time, I saw someone throw up in front of a Crocs store. It was the highlight of my evening out. This store was at the bottom of the bar district in Hong Kong - guess their customers need to be pissed before they'll think buying rubber shoes with f**king holes in them is a good idea.

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  4. OH! The internet too. To prevent morons from communicating with you know...humans...

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  5. I am with you on licensing Crocs, having children and use of the internet -oh - wait, I have one of those - European Computer Driving Licence.

    ....men wearing socks with sandals.....

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  6. it's so true. i went to battersea dogs home to adopt cats a few years ago and i left literally sobbing after they made it clear I wasn't fit to be a kitty momma. they said any pet I had would be back in 12 months with serious behavioural issues. (so i went and bought 2 instead & vet always says how they're most placid, well behaved cats ever. Also mentioned how RSPCA wouldn't give him a dog despite being a vet!) If I'm not allowed to have a furr family then how do these other people get human families?????

    Meanwhile, my first rule of denim is that you shouldn't need a wax to wear your jeans out. Yes, it was inspired by Britney Spears. x

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