Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Spam

I have a new obsession (No, not Tim Roth, how can you obsess over someone the court has ordered you to stay over a 100 metres away from!!)

SPAM

Thats right, spam, from E-mails to blog comments I am loving how creative these people are getting at either trying to get money from you or get their products mentioned.

Well now I want to turn it on it's head. Let us laugh in the face of spam (Ha ha ha)

A lot of spam that I get follows the same pattern.

Spam 1

The Russian Bride.

The amount of times I am offered a Russian bride is now definitely in double figures.

And I got to thinking, I could really do with a Russian wife!!!! Think about it, someone to cook, clean, and generally cherish me that is what the e-mails promise me!!! I definitely need to get me one of those (Anyone want to part share a Russian Bride? ) All good women could really do with a wife. Life would be SO much easier.

The next time I get this E-mail, I may well ask for more details.


Spam 2

Viagra.

Sigh, Those little blue pills get just about everywhere don't they? I don't actually want any Viagra cheap so that I can "experience a whole night of passion over and over and over" (Makes me chafe just thinking about it) And to be honest, I really don't think the thought of making my other half swallow a pill that I have -bought over the internet and don't really know what it contains but hey it should give you the ability to hang coats off of your erection- is going to fill  Mr Fashionista with loving and horny thoughts!!! do you?


Spam 3

Dead Rich Relatives


Ah the old dead relatives spam, The amount of relatives that I have lost in South Africa, Nigeria and Zimbabwe is really starting to worry me now!! Whenever my mother says she is off on holiday I want to hide her passport (Poor cow hasnt been further than Spain for years JUST IN CASE) I've lost more relatives abroad than the whole of the Soap operas combined. If they used me as inspiration for a character in a soap, i'd be written out after a week for being unbelievable !!!!

And why do these relatives always leave ME millions? and I don't even know them!!!! Trust me, if I had a rich relative I would be watching their every bloody move (and after losing the first few, i'd hide their passports too)

Millions I have been left, and all I have to do to claim my money is send them a small amount to release the money!!!

Next time I might e-mail them back tell them to take the bank fees out of my inheritance and forward me the difference-That might work :-)


Spam 4

Degrees

I CAN BUY A DEGREE!!!!!

No-one told me this!!! I was actually going to wait until I receive an honorary doctorate when I am old and famous and then hang that on my wall!!! Now they are telling me I don't even need to do that!!! WOW.

I may become a dentist (My apologies to everyone attending the dentist in the next few days, you KNOW you are going to be scrutinising those degrees hanging on the walls) 

Let's be honest here, how many employers even check on the GCSE's, A  Levels, NVQ's and other qualifications you have these days? Not many I bet, I'm going to skip this one and just keep embellishing my CV creatively as you do.

These Spams are just the tip of the iceberg. Yes there are some mean ones that can empty your bank accounts and create a whole clone of you to live the highlife on (I know some men like that too)

And yes, I do feel sorry for people who are fooled by these (Only if you are over 50 though, any younger than that, more fool you-Especially if your penis has dropped off from taking fake viagra)

But I am now turning the spam on its head and admirng some of it's creativeness.


What's the best spam you have ever recieved?

Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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6 comments

  1. This post was made for me!! I think my favorite one is still the "the rich widower" - there always from overseas - never from Croydon, funny that :-) x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just deleted a beautiful one.

    Subject: My heart bleeds for you (seriously!)

    Rambled on about how I was lonely and this person had found out they were my long lost relative, they were alone after losing their family in an accident and needed the funds to come and be with me.

    They even signed off with 'Hope to here (sic) from you soon brother'

    God love 'em.

    p.s I've offered a ticket on easyjet no reply as yet. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. A Model Recommends13 October 2010 at 16:37

    Hahaha, this is brilliant! God love 'em. I had one with heading: "something I think you will need" and it was for an undertaker's service. A death threat in disguise?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sick of Twitter spammers. I just want to know how I, of all people, end up on these people's radar. In my e-mail, I keep getting advertisements for "male enhancement." O_o

    I'm not sure *I* need any enhancement, but I certainly know a guy or two who can use it. *strokes chin* Come to think of it, I know what two of my ex-boyfriends are getting for Christmas. *clicks link on Ex-tenze*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brilliant post! The best one I have recieved is an email saying 'Sorry to hear that you have died and left me your inheritance!' Don't quite know what the deceased me is going to do with this email! Have also had lots of 'I am seeking friendship in the UK and would be very pleased to become friends with you. I hope in the future you may become my sponsor and I come to the UK and live with you.'

    ReplyDelete
  6. hahaha - was discussing spam with a male colleague the other day... he was upset he was getting viagra emails... told him he should consider himself happy, I keep getting ones for penis enlargement and how to make my girl scream ! I'd need a transplant for that and am not sure hubby would be too chuffed about it !!

    ReplyDelete

Due to increased spam comments I am now having to moderate the comments I receive. I will do my best to get them approved quickly so please, carry on commenting as every time you comment a kitten smiles.

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