Wednesday, 17 November 2010

A Slagbag's guide to surviving the christmas party season with her job and respect intact.

It is nearly christmas!!! There are so few sleeps between now and christmas left apparently that you might as well stop sleeping and just hang around waiting for it to happen.

A lot of you have probably already received invites to the christmas parties that happen all throughout December and I have compiled a helpful list of do's and don'ts so that the only things you recieve through the letterbox after christmas are bills and not your P45. (don't thank me)

Firstly EAT.

Yeah yeah, your dress was expensive, you don't want to look pregnant in it but you would be amazed at how many people I have picked up off the floor of the toilets, covered in vomit saying they think they have drank too much!!!! (Usually it is 7pm and the evening has just began) The following statements usually follow

"I skipped lunch"

"I haven't eaten today as I knew I was going to eat a lot tonight"

"I feel sick again"

If you are lucky you have drank so much that you need to go home and sleep it off immediately, this then stops you from suffering FURTHER embarassment by then going on a drunken rampage.


If you stay please remember the following rules


That guy you never realised was THAT attractive who is looking at you now does NOT find you attractive!! (plus chances are he is a total minger!!! Wine goggles are ten times stronger than beer goggles-FACT)

DO NOT launch yourself at him and try to kiss him (or more) I'm not kidding here, Even if he DOES like you he will NEVER admit to it if you have developed a reputation as the party drunk!!!! (especially if you have vomit in your hair) If you ignore my advice here may I also suggest that if he rejects you do not move onto your second choice (or third, or fourth or fifth-jesus is this the only time or year you get out!!!)

Dress to impress.

Ever heard the saying, cleavage OR legs?????

Learn it-live it!!!!!!!  We all want to look stunning for the christmas party but if you usually wear trousers and a polo neck and then one night a year throw away your insecurities and want to impress, do it with class.

Not a dress that is reminiscent of your drunkeness............

Off your tits and about to hit the floor


Dancefloor antics!

Dance, have fun, but remember faux lesbianism is NOT going to turn your boss or your colleagues on. If you want to get it on with the receptionist who makes you feel funny like you have been climbing a rope in PE, DO NOT do it as a floor show. Yes people may cheer but from that moment on going to the toilet in twos will no longer be an option for you. You will forever be "the lesbian one" (Don't look at me like that, I tried to warn you)


If you are drunk may I also make a further suggestion. Do not engage your boss in a conversation about your role in the company and how you want to further your career.

If it is a big company, chances are until now he has never put a face to a name. If you go breathe cheap rose wine over him (you washed the vomit out of your hair right?) telling him how you are perfect for your managers job and then proceed in telling him about so-and-so who is sleeping with blah-blah and that one who takes days off to go shopping-He is NOT going to thank you!!! Or promote you.

Make an appointment to see him Monday (or Tuesday may be better when your hangover has gone)

I think I have covered the basics here,

Now it is your turn to dish the dirt, what have YOU done at a christmas party you shouldn't have?

Or which one of your friends embarrassed themselves hideously?

Let me know.

Maybe we can stop someone else from suffering the same fate



Big Fashionista x x x
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12 comments

  1. In my 2nd year at uni...our departmental xmas party had a free bar. I fell face first onto the concrete floor in the ladies, lost a tooth and lots of blood and had to be carted off to bed by 8pm. Cringe!

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  2. Ouch.

    I had a conversation with the managing director once about how i was the best sales person he had ever had working for him and he should give me a raise (and my own office) as i felt unappreciated!!!

    I was very very very drunk.

    I still cringe thinking about it.

    and i never got my office either :-)

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  3. Best ever was when the bosses got even more drunk than us mere mortals, hearing stories the following week of them asleep (passed out) going round and round on tube trains. Brill

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  4. Off your tits and about to hit the floor

    hysterical

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  5. On the way home from a Christmas party once my friend and I decided that it would be funny to take all the old used spare tyres out of a shed in the local ATS garage and line them up outside the garage doors in a baracade so that they had to remove them all before they could open up in the morning (we were only around 20 at the time and we knew one of the men than worked there so it made it that much funnier when we were imagining the scenario).

    Anyhoo, it turns out that those larger tyres are a lot heavier than they look and as we were wheeling one of them we lost control and it fell towards me resulting in my tripping over the kerb and almost breaking my ankle. We were laughing so much that we almost wet ourselves!

    Also, the Christmas before last my colleague and I thought that it would be funny to put the salt and pepper shakers from a pub table in the coat pocket of one of our colleagues.

    Of course, the following Monday we had completely forgotten that we'd done it but someone had witnessed the act. Apparently our colleague had put his glasses in his coat pocket and as we were the last people to be seen tampering with his coat we got the blame for his expensive glasses going missing. We then had to ring around all the pubs that we'd been in prior to that to find his glasses (we found them in one of said previous pubs, he'd left them on a table!) so that we could prove our innocence. In hind sight the simplest practical joke isn't always a great idea! :D

    Beckiem3 x

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  6. I used to work with a woman who was married that used to end up (at the very least) snogging someone when we were out with work - not just for Christmas but for any occassion. It used to be a running joke before and after the even between the rest of the girls in the office as we tried to guess who she ended up with and then laughed about the result.

    To my knowledge she is still up to the same tricks these days and we have an event tomorrow night so it will be interesting to see who she ends up with on that one!

    I like a drink as much as anyone, especially at Christmas but infidelity is is one giant leap too far if you ask me. Her poor husband has worked with half of the men she's been with and plays golf with a few of them too!

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  7. Love this!!
    I am afraid there is nothing I feel I can share with the blogosphere that I have done at office Christmas parties...!
    I like to forget it ever happened ;) xx

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  8. Great post, I don't drink but have seen everyone else doing all of the above!!! Very entertaining lol!

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  9. A few years ago, at a Christmas party I stood behind the boss at the bar all night as he bought everyone around him drinks. I then proceeded to tell him exactly what I thought of our team (which was not in a positive light) and how we needed to improve. Halfway through the conversation I could see my mate stood behind the boss shaking their head and mouthing "Stop talking" at me.

    DO NOT REPEAT THIS - I cringe thinking about it. Although, strangely my relationship with this boss improved. I guess he liked gobby young drunks!

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  10. LOL, this should be printed and handed out to offices up and down the country (perhaps it could be classed as a health and safety message!). I've always tried to be good at Christmas Do while remembering the story about one of the married office girl's going home pissed out of her face with her knickers hanging out of her handbag! The only time I have been bad is when I and my friend bought a box wine of Rose wrapped it as a Christmas pressie to sneak into our hotel Xmas do dinner, 17 glasses each later (plus a couple bought for us) my friend was fast asleep at the table but I managed to find a second wind and lasted the whole night!

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  11. There was a girl at an office party with my previous employer who left with her knickers draped over her shoulders. Not a good look!

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  12. I drunkenly confessed my love to a workmate I had been having a fling with.
    I didn't love him, still to this day do not know why I said it and the wait for the first day at work was horrendous! Luckily I worked in a builders merchants and had a thick skin!

    Also meeting the actual love of my life in the break helped heal the shame a touch too!

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