Sunday, 13 February 2011

Big Boys don't cry

A new survey out says that these days it is ok for men to cry in public and more men feel confortable doing so.

Now I live near West Ham football ground so I am more than used to seeing grown men sobbing as they walk down the street, but is this survey actually right?

I don't think so.

I don't know many women who will admit to crying in the street  There are times when we want to and god knows how many times I have had to fight back the tears outside Greggs when they have sold out of Cheese & Onion pasties, but crying in public is not something that I ever feel happy doing. If something has upset me that much that I want to cry, then my first thought, like a vampire avoiding sunlight is to get away from prying eyes and to somewhere a little more private. When I got a phonecall saying that my dad had lung cancer I was in my local high st and immediately I took myself to my local pub and sobbed all over my best friend. Ok, still a public place but my privacy was respected as we sat in a small booth and proceeded in drinking ourselves stupid.

Is it ok to cry in public?

Does it even make a difference whether you are male or female?

and if you did burst into tears in a public place would you want a stranger to console you?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x


  1. I hate HATE crying in public. I know there's times when it is unavoidable, but I'm quite the cry baby (especially lately) and I find it makes people uncomfortable and it makes me feel like a child.

    Recently I had to go for a so called "medical exam" due to my back injury. It turned out to be not an exam but a chance for a guy to bully me, accuse me of lying and yell at me (for the record, he was in charge of the administration for the cover of my medical bills, to see whether I was entitled to any help). It was all in French, which made it harder as although I can speak it, it's not my own language. I ended up in tears of frustration as this man yelled at me and called me a liar.

    As I left, I cried more and found a corner where I hoped nobody would see me and I could compose myself. A girl did saw me and approached me, she was a psychologist and offered me some water and her help of I needed it.

    I think of it now and I regret crying. I regret feeling so low and fragile that I had to express my emotions in such a way. Sadly I came across as over emotional and difficult. I cannot fix that now, so I wished I had not cried in public. Some people will use it against you and no matter how we want to paint it, things are not going to change.

    It may be less shocking to see men cry, but women crying will still come across as unbalanced and over emotional.

  2. You need someone to cry? I'm your woman.

    I will sob openly. Anywhere. In fact, I am a ludicrous embarrassment in that respect. Happy or sad, I can always summon a decent blub. Sadly, I forget myself when I do this and have no concern for the highly uncomfortable people around me :(

    I literally cannot watch those SMA adverts about being the proudest dad in the world. I am part welling thinking about them now.

  3. I'm a bloke, and I cry.

    Like you, I'm not really comfortable with doing it in public. As it turns out, though, I have little say on the matter. If my face decides it's going to cry, then cry it shall - wherever I am.

    I think it might have something to do with my late Grandad. When I was 8, he had a stroke. He recovered very well from it, but one of the long-term effects was that he would sit and weep openly at old war films in his sitting room. I saw this regularly and though nothing of it - I accepted it as being 'normal', despite never once seeing my dad cry.

    Generally, I can manage to keep control if I'm out in public, unless something particularly tragic and/or emotive were to hit (as with your example). But at home, it's a different story. If something's on TV that's touching or sad, I'll cry. Hell, I had to fight back tears when WALL-E almost died. And, although I sometimes feel a bit daft afterwards, it does make me feel a little better - and what harm does it do?

    I think if I were to cry in public, I'd be touched if a stranger attempted to console me, but I think I'd politely decline any offer of help, so as not to be a burden on the poor sod.

    I did once *almost* offer help to someone in front of me in a ticket booth queue in a train station. She was almost hysterical, having lost her wallet containing her tickets, cards and cash. She needed to get to London desperately and was in an awful state. The clerk was unable to help and, having bought my ticket, I set out to find the womsn and offer her the £30 I had left in my pocket. I found her sat at the far end of the concourse, with a male, laughing and sipping a cappucino - her handbag on the table, purse next to it. This, along with my own sentiment on being offered help from a stranger, would probably prevent me from approaching someone in the future.

    Anyway, short answer: Crying in public - I'll avoid it if at all possible, but if not then I don't really care if I'm judged for it.

  4. Hmm interesting post and comments. I cry quite easily, but to cry in public is not something I would want to do. Recently at work I cried, a pt I was seeing was a young woman who had had a stroke, she had communication difficulties and was pregnant, she wanted to know if she could see her young daughter who was waiting at home - well that was it, I was in tears and she was in tears and in actual fact I am almost in tears now, it was the difficulty she had in expressing the words and the emotion of the situation. I felt bad as a health care professional that I had cried but sometimes it happens - more frequently as I get older I have found, and often with relatives of pts I am seeing, I see the tears in their eyes and that sets me off. Sorry rambling a bit here, but yes I do try hard to avoid it. Jan x

  5. ive cried in public so many times, and to be honest it doesnt bother me anymore, and if a guy does i find it sweet (unless its because of football!)


  6. Def find it weird if a guy cries, prob just the old fashioned valleys in me!
    but generally guys crying for me just doesnt happen.
    I do sometimes cry in public which I blame on hormones, last time was trying to explain to my sister that I can never trust her boyfriend after he beat shit into her. dick :(


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