Friday, 25 February 2011

Guest post.

So today I have a great guest post from the lovely Catherine who is @crazymakeupgirl on twitter. I want to thank Catherine for being so open with her post and hope that it inspires anyone with a similar problem to get the help and support that they need.




If I told you I had school phobia, what would you say? I'm betting you would think I'm joking '' school phobia!?! come on! ''


but I wouldn't be, because you see I do have school phobia and its not something I made up, its 100% real.

When I was 11 (I'm 18) and moved up to secondary school I felt out of my depth, even though I had moved up with my friends they had moved ''groups'' and I was left alone.

About 2 weeks in, the bullies caught on ''Hey look she's a loner'' and that was it, everyday without fail I would have some remark or comment made from a group of 13 year olds or people in my class. they would pick on anything but mainly my hair (I'm a natural redhead) or my weight (always been overweight) I wanted to hide from them but I couldn't, I had to go to school.

I started feeling sad (depressed) all the time,and very anxious about anything. so I started saying I was ill so I didn't have to go, and no I didn't tell my parents, I wish I had though. I did tell my friends that were still there and teachers but neither cared, friends didn't know what to do and teachers would not listen! I told them again and again and again. Not once would they listen, I was also finding the work really hard,so this went on until June/July when I don't quite remember what happened, I don't know why I don't remember, its a blank spot but from what my parents have told me I told my mum I was no longer going to school. It took a month before I actually told them about the bullies, and I was pulled out of school because the bullies were no longer my main problem, I was.

Over the summer holidays I turned 12 and started something called dore (was DDAT) It's treatment for dyslexia,dysphasia,ADHD and aspergers, I have dyslexia and I'm also borderline aspergers and dysphasia, and so I started dore because my parents thought if I could cope with the work more I could cope with school/bullies, I had no idea I just felt numb.

In September 2004 (the same year) and exactly a year after it had all started I went to cams, a local place for under 16s to visit psychologists and other mental health people.

That's when I was told I had school phobia, and I finally felt something other than numb/sadness, I felt relief.

I knew what was wrong, everything would be okay.

No it wouldn't.

Over the next 2 years I went back to school and left again, was home schooled then went to a place called Broadoaks for people who for whatever reason couldn't go to mainstream school.

By this time i was 14,very overweight and very depressed, I just wanted out.

I was then put onto tablets and my life started to go up.

I felt happy for the first time in 3 years but then I was bullied at Boardoaks, by this point I was beyond fed up with bullies, call me a bully as a joke and I would burst into tears.

Boardoaks listened, but couldn't do anything about it, so I left there too.

I was given a home tutor and I was now 15 and in my last year, I needed to somehow get some GCSE's, and at first the home tutor was great, she understood why on the very first time I met her, i ran off crying, because my cat of 17 years (older than me at that point) died the day before, and I couldn't cope with meeting someone new.

but when I couldn't cope with seeing her, my mum would phone up and explain, so she started blaming my parents, all I wanted to do was scream ''ITS ME AND MY SCHOOL PHOBIA STOP BLAMING MY PARENTS''.



I carried on and took away 4 GCSE's, but the year coming up was my hardest yet.

I came off the pills but my mood crashed quickly so I was put onto another type of tablets. which was the biggest mistake ever.

I started doing a NVQ 2 in childcare at home, but i just couldn't cope with it and I cant believe I'm going to open up and say this but i tried to take my own life, and I wish I
 hadn't, it was my biggest mistake, but in the end I'm here now.

School phobia is real and scary, its more often than not a trigger for depression and panic attacks (like mine) and can happen anywhere between the ages of 4-18 or when your in school collage etc, and is with you forever.

I'm now 18 and have luckily turned my life around, i completed the NVQ and now work part-time with children, I'm now learning to drive and have lost 8 stone of weight. i still suffer with panic attacks and depression and I'm often anxious about small things, but I'm no longer on tablets, and I'm (slowly) learning to cope with, well me.

If you're in school and feel like you would rather not be here on earth than be at school, please tell someone! keep telling them, until they listen, you're not alone. that much I can promise.



thank you Kellie for letting me guest post :)




Thank you for writing this Catherine, I think what you have written is really inspirational and you should be proud of yourself for what you have achieved.
It as an honour to have this on my blog.

Leave Catherine some comments everyone and let her know what you thought of her post.

Big Fashionista x x
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8 comments

  1. Wow, what a story.
    And amazing that she has managed to turn her life around (now that REALLY takes guts).
    I wish Catherine all the best from now on.

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  2. It's so desperately sad to hear that someone's school life was made EVEN more difficult than it is for many anyway. Catherine - this was a really brave story to tell and I'm glad that you are turning your life around and want to wish you lots of love and happiness. xXx

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  3. Very brave! I was fortunate to have good memories of school but in the first year of senior school my niece didn't. Luckily for us, the school listened when we raised our concerns, I only wish this happened for every school child. Catherine, I wish you every luck for the future xx

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  4. thankyou all of you :)


    catherine

    x x x x x

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  5. Wonderful to hear how you've turned your life around and are really doing fantastically well :-) I really admire how hard you've worked to face your issues head on. You should be very proud :-) x

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  6. I'm so sorry you went through such a hard time. I'm a teacher and I'm ashamed of thosevin my profession who didn't listen and help you. It was the bullies who made you ill, not school itself - inadequate individuals who, let's hope, get what 's coming to them. I confronted a woman who had made my life miserable at school and asked her why she had got off on
    making me suffer - she was embarrassed in front of her friends but not much different than the bitch she was at school. Made me feel better though. Congratulations on your fantastic weight loss and turning your life around. Don't be scared of using anti-depressants - if you were diabetic you wouldn't be desperate to come off meds. Depression and anxiety are illnesses just like any other. Much love to you, Jane

    ReplyDelete
  7. awh thankyou :) the bullies were the main cause yes, but the school didnt help, its happened to a few others in the same school too, im now off the anti-depressants, have been for a year and a half, but your right, only come off when your ready :)

    x x x

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