Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Tube Rant

By no stretch of the imagination am I a princess. (except in my head, and trust me there I am QUEEN)

But I turn into a horrified diva princess when I have to use the London Underground.

So I've compiled a little list for commuters and casual tube users.

Feel free to pass it on.

Deodorant. Such a small thing but yet many commuters seem to forget this.

I don't think that Oyster cards should just be swiped across a card reader, they should have to be swiped under commuters armpits. No deodorant-no travel.

(I think that could catch on, someone find me a dragon and a den quick)

Music. Now I don't care if you listen to Justin Bieber, Fatboy Slim, Jay-Z or even The Saturdays. Crack on, listen to who you want to, I'm not here to judge your taste........................ Unless you are forcing it into my eardrums by having it at maximum volume. Dial it down, If I can hear it through your earphones surely your ears must be bleeding!!!! If I wanted to hear music on the tube I'd ask Boris to pipe some music onto the train. (I don't, although Boris, call me, we need a chat)

Food. When I'm in a metal can the last thing I want is to smell your food, see your food or even taste your food. It is a tube train, How hungry are you exactly that you cannot wait till you finish your journey before scoffing your sandwich (egg usually-bastards) I don't want you to watch you drop food all over yourself either, because then you sweep it off onto the seats, (Sausage rolls? On a tube? really) and then people like me sit on those seats.

Newspapers. Again, your taste, your choice. But if you are reading a paper so large that it could be used to giftwrap a small pony, Fold it up. (or at least let me finish the article I'm reading before you turn the page) and when you are finished, take your paper with you. What are you doing? Reserving the seat for a friend you are yet to meet? There is a reason there are no newspaper racks on the tube, people either bring their own paper or they don't read.

Wierdos. Now I have spent my whole life being a wierdo magnet, I'm more surprised if someone strange DOESN'T sit next to me and try to discuss the pros and cons of cardboard. (it happened) Now I'm not saying if you are socially awkward you can't travel. But take note of my picture. If you see me travelling on the tube. take a different carriage, in fact take a different train because if you fit ANY of the categories above then I WILL take responsibility for my actions.

Big Fashionista x x


  1. Haha that is too funny <3 I don't live in London but I was there for a week last summer, I used the tube too and we thought these kinda things were funny, I guess it would get seriously annoying for commuters though :o) remember deep breath my lovely and count backwards from 10, and all will be fine :D xxx

  2. Oh the tube and the subway scares me - I can just about navigate my way around it but some of the sights you see are simply beyond navigation.

    My favourite was on the subway in New York, a large Jamaican woman singing "me no like lesbian, me no like batty boy...GET OUT ME LIFE...GET OUT ME WAY" over and over and over again for the full journey whilst doing a little dance and crying. Quite sad actually but after a long day of queuing and lurking around the Statue of Liberty and Little Italy, my patience was running a bit thin. I'm a weirdo magnet too...

  3. Hahaha brilliant list, So true! I hate commuting its smelly and uncomfortable xx :o)

  4. Love this, it's awesome!! I haven't ever come across people eating on the tube though, I think I may cry if that happens - 1. because of the smell 2. because it will probably make me hungry! I'm sure they've started making sound dampener earphones...these should be handed out to everyone by law!!

  5. Hahaha this is brilliant! I don't live in London but I do day trips every now and again...I really do get to the point where I've had enough of the crowds, pushing and shoving and the tubes so I have to go home!

    Everything you've listed is so funny and true! Espcially the part about deodrant! Plus people just standing there in the middle of the doorway and not moving when people are trying to get on and off really bugs me too!


  6. Last week the bloke next to me was eating fish and chips at 2pm on a thurs afternoon from paper and wiping his hands on the seat. I smelt of fish and chops got the rest of the day Grrr


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