Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Birthday girl

Today is a special day, Today my baby turns five.

(Can I just point out I mean my daughter, not my blog)

It's bittersweet, I love that my smallest child is getting older, more independent and starting on her journey of life and self-discovery, but I miss my baby. I miss ALL of my babies. That time before they start to back chat and argue that they know more than I ever will, before they lose their homework and decide that they are going to school in a sun dress in January,

Yes I miss that.

When your baby looks at you with trusting eyes and you know that their whole world revolves around you and only you and nestle into your arms, falling asleep safe in the knowledge you will never let them go.

There is no greater feeling in the world.

Scarlett wasn't meant to be here.

I had my eldest two children close together, I mean REALLY close together, less than a year apart and I swore that I didn't want any more children. I suffered from really bad post-natal depression which made me feel as though I didn't want to be here. Honestly, I can hardly remember when my two eldest were babies. I remember tears, lots and lots of sadness and tears. (mostly mine) It was a hard struggle but with the help of family, friends and medication I got through it.

But I knew I didn't want any more children. I didn't want to revisit the dark, dark place that I had been in before. I felt that I had only just escaped with my sanity and life the first time. I had two beautiful children and I felt like I needed to give them my whole attention.

No more babies for me.

Until a few years later when after a routine smear test I had to have laser treatment on my cervix for pre-cancerous cells.

I was lucky, because I had had regular smear tests the problem was caught before it caused any serious damage but in passing the doctor mentioned that it MAY cause problems with any future pregnancies and that was it, more than anything I wanted a baby.

And once I got the all clear, there was nothing to stop us.

After having two pregnancies which had resulted in August babies, the thought of being heavily pregnant in the Spring certainly had its appeal. (Heavily pregnant in August is NOT fun-trust me)

An easy pregnancy, a labout that lasted two days and the tiniest (6lb 4oz) cutest baby ever was here and changed the Hill family forever.

So Happy Birthday Scarlett, I am sad there are no more baby moments, but there will be more moments and experiences that we can share as a family.

My baby is growing up and that's ok.........................................................

I think

Let me get back to you on that. (after cake perhaps) 

Big Fashionista x x x


  1. Many Happy returns to little fashionista (it's only a matter of time!) hope she has a fabulous fifth Birthday and that you all have loads of cake! x

  2. Lovely post :o) happy birthday to your lovely little girl, I hope you both have a great day :o) xxx

  3. Awww, what a lovely post. Happy Birthday to youngest fashionista ;)

    Just so you know, my mum still calls all of her three kids her babies too, and I'm the youngest at 27 haha!

    There are a whole lot of memories still to come :D

  4. Aw happy birthday to Scarlett! My mum has four of us and still considers us her babies even though the youngest is a horrible grumpy teenage boy! Maybe time to dig out some baby photos and reminisce? My mum loves doing that with ours, all of the baby cuteness and none of the hours of care lol x

  5. Happy Birthday Scarlett!! :)

  6. Sooo cute! Happy Birthdya Scarlett! Beautiful name! I bet your such a cool mum xx :o)

  7. Beautiful post!

    Happy Birthday Scarlett! :)



Due to increased spam comments I am now having to moderate the comments I receive. I will do my best to get them approved quickly so please, carry on commenting as every time you comment a kitten smiles.

© Big Fashionista | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Created by pipdig