Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Anniversary gift help. You're Welcome.

Now for people out there (un)lucky enough to be married, you may or may not know (or care, hey, I didn't say happily married did I?) that while there are the BIG anniversaries out there, Silver, Gold, (yawn, bored now) Ruby.


There are also lots of other ones out there to keep things romantic and totally topical. Now I have to admit that as an unmarried long-term partner I didn't know most of these so let's start at the beginning and work our way through them in true Big Fashionista style.

1st Anniversary.

Cotton.

Hmmmmmm, still in the first flush of love, I can't see how you can NOT make cotton romantic. Cotton sheets? which you could lay naked upon............................. (is that not romantic?)

2nd Anniversary

Paper

Not loved up anymore? nothing says Happy Anniversary like divorce papers. Paper, see. You are still keeping in line with the theme. Well done you.


3rd Anniversary

Leather

Three years married, that spark you once had in the bedroom may be fading, may I suggest a soft leather paddle (Oh come on, I'm not saying go straight in with a leather gimp mask am I? Unless that's your "thang" in which case, Happy Anniversary bet you couldn't wait for year three could you?)

4th Anniversary

Fruit and Flowers

Seriously? Fruit and flowers? For doing four years hard time? Marks & Spencers supermarket sweep perhaps. A fruit salad and a bunch of daffs may swing it with some women but be prepared, most women who are into traditional gifts weren't looking forward to year four. you may have to work REALLY hard at this one.

5th Anniversary

Wood

Wood? Are you freaking me!!!!! Wood? Now I could get filthy here but thats WAY too easy (Oh work it out yourself) Why couldn't the fifth anniversary be chocolate or something handy?

6th Anniversary

Sugar

Oh hang on, Chocolate contains Sugar doesn't it? Sorted. Happy anniversary darling. Seriously men, you can't mess this one up. UNLESS your beloved is on a diet.
Wow, sucks to be you right now.

7th Anniversary

Woollen.

Ok, now you can play this safe, jumper, a nice knitted scarf or you could buy the one you love a sheep. Tie a note around its neck saying "I LOVE EWE" (You're welcome)

8th Anniversary

Salt.

Salt? yeah I'm giving up on this one, you are on your own here.
Good luck.


9th Anniversary

Copper

OH COME ON, Who thinks these up!!!!!!!! Word to the wise, NO copper bottomed saucepans. One of those bad boys wrapped around your head on your anniversary is going to end with you cancelling your anniversary dinner plans. (especially if those dinner plans were letting them COOK for you with those pans)

10th Anniversary

Tin.

I can't even blame men for coming up with these. No man in his right mind would put himself through the hell of having to buy these gifts. It would go 1, flowers. 2, flowers. 3 flowers. 4, Errrrrrrrrrrr flowers.

11th Anniversary

NOTHING.

What? Nothing? how can you be controlled for ten years and dictated to what tradition says you should buy and then have year 11 off? Especially after TIN. you don't even get a chance to make it up to your beloved!!!!

12th Anniversary

Silk and fine linen.

Knickers, going to be isn't it? (rolls eyes)

13th Anniversary AND 14th Anniversary

Freestyle.

Seriously, yet again there is nothing. Fly free little ones. Fly free.

15th Anniversary.


Crystal

Oh yes, you are getting old, suddenly a crystal vase seems like THE BEST present ever. (Don't you wish you'd got the gimp mask now, alllllllll those years ago)


20th Anniversary

China

Yes, I know. We missed out about five years. Lets face it. years 15-20? You've got lazy and possibly predictable. Your twentieth anniversary is probably china to replace all the ones you've thrown over the last 5 years. I hope you are still as in love today as you were twenty years ago. Or are you just now comfortable?


25th Anniversary

Silver.

The one that everyone knows. You mess that one up, you are a disaster!!!! It's impossible to screw up.  You just can't. Ok. Off you go.


30th Anniversary

Pearl.

Jesus, Pearl? For 30 years? I'd want a pearl shaped MEDAL please. A bloody big one. A REALLLLLLY big one.


35th Anniversary.

Coral.

Who makes it this long? Honestly? 35 years. these days? A 35th wedding anniversary is like a piece of coral. In danger of disappearing altogether!


40th Anniversary

Ruby

A curry? After forty years? Don't even THINK about it sunshine, it wouldn't be funny.

50th Anniversary

Gold

Occasionally I hear about people reaching this mythical number. A golden wedding anniversary awakens the romantic bone I have in my body. (I usually keep it in my ear)


60th Anniversary

Diamond

NOW comes the bloody diamond!!!! After sixty years!!!! What's that good for now?
Same with all of these as well!!!!!!

65th Anniversary

Blue Sapphire



70th Anniversary

Platinum


80th Anniversary

Oak


85th Anniversary


Wine


90th Anniversary

Stone


I think Lee Evans put it best when he said it's slightly harsh to make people buy each other parts of their funeral as anniversary gifts. CASKET, WINE, HEADSTONE.


Do you agree with following traditional wedding anniversary gifts?


Or are you jaded and totally anti-wedding?

Like me :-)



Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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9 comments

  1. I thought the first two were the other way round! Am I mad?! But they all seem a bit silly to me..... perhaps I'm just not romantic!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL. I've only reached year six! Sadly, hubby and I are unlikely to see past Silver due to our ages. However, my parents are looking at Gold next year. I might buy them both a big gold medal each! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I was married, I'd be due the salt. Salt! For 8 years hard labour! (okay, may be slight exaggeration). The last one made me laugh, is it actually possible for people to be married for 90 years? My mates are married 3 years this August, could imagine their faces if I presented them with a paddle... :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm due for Cotton in February then! I'm gonna bet on Batman pants. Lets hope he goes with perfume or something...haha! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. 23yrs in, we had a night in Ripon, suffice to say the Cathedral was the high point. Had I known 23yrs ago what I know today. Actually the first 7 years were lovely, been a bit downhill from there tbh! right best I head off, dont want to depress you all!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've been married for a year now. Honestly? I got married because it was a lovely excuse for us to have all our loved ones together, it made my mum happy to be able to plan it (thanks mum!) and my Dad wasn't well and I didn't want to risk regretting him not walking me down the aisle (crutches and all).

    My now husband and I are atheists so weren't fussed about the 'sanctity' of marriage. It wouldn't matter if we were married or not our relationship would have the same commitment.
    I'm looking forward to paper(cash please), not so much leather. Unless it's a nice new sofa. Oh good lord, marriage is dull :s

    ReplyDelete
  7. my parents will be celebrating their 40th Wedding anniversary ... and you do not know how hard it has been for me to get a nice card ... i think not many couples are lasting that long because seriously the card makers need to up the standards .. cause they are crap!

    i dont get why you get nothing for some anniversaries though surely there should be some kind of reward for not killing him or walking out? .. no? ..

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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