Monday, 4 July 2011

Lessons learnt

In my spare (Ha ha ha) time, I dabble as a facepainter, I do birthday parties, weddings and fun days. I'm no artist but I enjoy what I do (mostly)

This weekend I did a school fun day. Possibly the biggest one I have done so far.

I wanted to share with you what I have learnt over the weekend.

Firstly, Play nice with the organisers. I did and found myself in a prime position at the fun day. NEXT TO THE FIREMEN!!!!!!! Ok, so my paints melted,  I sweated buckets as I was in direct sunshine but I REPEAT, I was next to the firemen. PRIME POSITION. Cue sunglasses going on so I could check out the fitty firemen without the parents realising I was only giving their little cherubs about 50% (ok 30%) of my attention.

Secondly, when putting together all of your pictures for display, NEVER add a picture that you hate doing just because there is a space on your board. THAT is the picture you will be doing about 20 times in a row. No matter if you hide the bloody picture halfway through the day, the child first in the queue will see the child in the seat having his face done like it and want the same, then the next child in the queue will want the same and the................... you get the idea don't you?

Pricing. I have a great idea, I will make a sign, a BIG sign, a huge fuck off sign saying Facepainting £1. After ten minutes of parents asking how much does the facepainting cost you consider telling the next parent it is £2.  Twenty minutes later you are thinking that a fiver will just about cover it. Two hours after that, you fantasise that the next parent who asks how much the facepainting costs will end up impaled on a line brush with a shading brush stuck somewhere so deep they will be able to brush their teeth with it the next morning. I have issues, DEEP anger issues. (Hmmmmm, maybe painting will help)

Dear parents, yes your two year old child IS adorable, she is soooooooo cute. But when I say that they won't sit still while I turn them into a tiger. LISTEN to me. I do know what I am talking about. Chances are the bottom lip will start to quiver when I dip a sponge in the orange paint, (I'm not scary, I'm not honest....... ok, maybe a little bit) By the time I get an inch from their face you would think I was about to take a knife and gouge out their eyeball. They turn their ickle-tiny-winy faces from side to side like a demented tellytubby (baby say no no) The parents get embarassed and usually try to hold their children in a choke hold.

"See, they sit still lovely" 

"Darling, I haven't painted your child blue like something out of Avatar, you are cutting off their air supply"


Exit parent and weeping (still blue) child

Everyone who has ever spent time as a facepainter will tell you that there is one face that they HATE doing. For me it is Spiderman. I hate Spiderman with a vengeance. This stems from doing about 30 of the bloody things last year at a fun day. But being the nice, considerate facepainter that I am I have reached a compromise. A quarter Spiderman face, Even that is enough to bring out my bitch face but a lot of boys want to be him so hey, he makes the board. Now parents. If there is a picture on the board of a quarter face Spiderman, PLEASE don't ask me to paint it allllllllllllllllllllll over your childs face. As a "Do one" often offends.

From reading this you may get the idea that I don't really like children. after an hour or three of stupid questions, you may be right. Although mostly, apart from the odd snot mark or child sneezing in my face (yeah, thanks for that) or rubbing their face halfway through it isn't the children that give me grief. It is the adults!!!!!!

Wow, another lesson learnt.

My next booking is in a couple of weeks.

Anyone have any tips, tricks or ideas for me?

Let me know

Big Fashionista


  1. Charglossgalore4 July 2011 at 09:45

    Regardless of what the little darlings ask for, paint them all as tributes to Kiss! Then tell them that God just gave Rock 'n' Roll to them! Epic!

  2. Haha, classic. The general public are a fantastic advertisement for never going outside ever again, aren't they? I worked as a 'merch monkey' when I went on a UK tour with an Aussie band - everything we sold was a tenner, we had a big sign saying "Everything £10!" but the amount of people who asked how much things were just blew my mind. To be fair, the majority were drunk students but still, it made me fear for the acadmeic future of this country. In the end the first thing I would say as soon as anyone got near the booth was "Ten pounds, EVERYTHING is ten pounds!". Then they'd pick up a CD and say............"So how much is this?!" . Arrrghhh!

    I would suggest a small bottle of vodka. It won't help the kids look any better but it'll make the day go a lot easier ;) .

    Also - firemen! YummyyummyyumYUM!

  3. Hand out copies of this and get them to sign in agreement/acknowledgement of 'the rules' before even approaching you? x

  4. I would buy a couple of stencils and spray paint the faces on them! I love my daughter but can't stand children, I don't know how you have the patience to face paint the little blighters? You deserve a medal (or a stiff drink)!!

  5. Valium. Can't smell it on your breath. :)

    (Another facepainter, in the US)

  6. It doesn't sound all that different from doing grown ups, to be honest! x


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