Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Camping it up



Whether you are thinking about attending festivals or even taking the family camping for the first time ever, there are a few tips I feel it is my DUTY to pass on as a seasoned camper.

Firstly,

Are you the sort of person who thinks "roughing it" is dropping down to 3 star accommodation?

Do you love duvets, warmth and being clean?

If you are nodding right about now then you may want to enquire about getting your deposit back. If you feel you MUST get "back to nature" may I suggest grabbing a sofa, a bar of chocolate and settling for Bear Gryllis on the TV.

You'll thank me one day.

If you are still game then grab your tent, I'm going to "pitch" you some ideas (sorry about that)

Lets talk mud.

Mud is everywhere, It could be August, May or bloody June and there will still be mud. Take wellies, They may not go with your outfit. They may give you "welly rot" (That's WELLY rot, pervs) but they will save you a million times over. Learn from my recent mistake. I packed Birkenstocks, ONLY Birkenstocks. If I was part of a camping club I would be thrown out in disgrace. A schoolgirl error I won't be repeating.

The other problem with mud is you never really know whether it really is mud you are stepping in. (Yeah, I went there) You could be stepping in shit. Don't wipe it on your finger and sniff it-got it?

Next tip I can pass on and if you are only skimming this STOP.

Toilet roll.

Let me repeat.

TOILET ROLL, TOILET ROLL, TOILET ROLL, TOILET ROLL.

I'd rather forget my sleeping bag than toilet roll.

You are sitting on the toilet (or a bucket) you reach over..................... and nothing.

I've been there. I would have sold my first-born for a glimpse of an Andrex puppy. (I've been so desperate in the past I would have actually wiped myself with that puppy)

Leave your toothbrush, Forget your soap, but NEVER forget toilet roll.



Now picture the scene, you roll up on a beautiful field where you are about to pitch your tent for the next week. There is a idyllic little farm by the field with piggy-wiggies, goats and chickens. Wouldn't that be a lovely place to camp near.

STOP

Back up a bit, think again. Pigs smell, goats smell and where there are chickens there are roosters, and where there are roosters there is a a good lie-in ruined. Roosters start crowing at about four am and only have a snooze button-no off switch.
Roosters crow for so long you start to fantasize about calling Colonel Sanders and begging him for his recipe. Mmmmmmmmm KFC.


While you are packing your toilet roll, don't forget the wet wipes. Wet wipes aren't just for babies bums, they are great for a quick wash and freshen up, (you know what i'm implying) good for getting stains out of things, wet wipes are the best kept secret in the world. don't miss out. Grab a packet and chuck them in your bag. You'll never regret it.

So now I have imparted my wisdom to you (quite frankly I'm exhausted, and running on empty) Take your little tent and run free little campers, run free.

Remember what I have taught you, use it, and remember, there is NO shame in camping not being your thing, Go make a camp in a five star hotel and if you really want to experience the sounds of nature............


open a bloody window.


Big Fashionista x x

Are you a camper? or do you prefer to stay in a hotel?

Let me know.


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7 comments

  1. im definitely not a camper, sometimes i think i could be, i even went as far as backpacking china last year, all it confirmed was that i am not a camper... i do not enjoy being unclean :s

    www.missmathful.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have never been camping and the thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat. I like toilets, indoors and showers. Oh yeah, and I loathe and detest mud!

    Much respect to those who can do it!

    Steph xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved camping as a child, until I had children and realised that the reason I loved it was that my Mum did everything. My OH bought a tent no-one could stand up in and my children did not get that you take your wellies off outside of the tent and do not walk the mud into the tent. It rained, it was Wales, we even had people strumming guitars and singing at night. Never ever again. Don't get me started on communal toilet blocks *shudders*.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dying lauging at "(you know what I'm implying)". I'm not adverse to a bit of mud/muck etc, pretty much grew up on a farm and have spent the majority of this summer on the bog (an actual bog, not a loo) up to my ankles in turf, sweat, frogs, and sludge. But, NEVER, ever put me into a tent. I'm seriously claustrophobic and everything smells so bad when it's all in close proximity to each other. I need my nice hot shower at the end of the day and all my girly creams and hair things and nail polish and internetz. <3 x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh I LOVE camping. Love it.

    My tip is get a tent that you can comfortably stand up in. I can't be doing with these tiny low tents - you end up hunched over and in agony.

    Oh and get an electric air-bed blowerer upperer thingy. Nothing more tedious and knackering than pumping them up with a foot pump.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My main rule is ... If it doesn't have room service it just is not worth it! I have never been caravanning nor have I camped ... I don't ever want to EVER want to camp or caravan ... I like to shower and wash hair daily... The thought of using wet wipes just I couldn't do it ... I guess I am high maintenance lol
    Huggles
    Jodie
    X x

    ReplyDelete
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