Monday, 8 August 2011

Ten things men would rather you didn't know.

Ten things men would rather you didn't know,

(But we do, because we are clever, and men, you are predictable)



1) Most men have tried on their girlfriends underwear. Now I'm not saying they go shopping in Tescos while wearing your favourite thong and bra (I hope) and it isn't even as though they do it for a sexual thrill. (Although some do) but sometimes there is a voice inside their heads that just says. "I wonder what I would look like in these knickers" and you just KNOW that the next voice says "I wonder if I would look better in them than she does" (and sometimes, they bloody well do!!!!)

2) Men are useless at directions, they like to act as though they were cab drivers in a previous life and know how to get from A to B without going via L (as in F*ckin 'ell we are lost again) but secretly they all hail the inventor of the Sat Nav as if he were a god. In the male opinion, he is up there with the inventor of alcohol.


3) Men could have sex on tap, so much sex that they cannot walk for a week and yet they will still "self-pleasure" the first chance they get to be alone. It's like returning to their first love. (and if you make your hand go numb first it feels like someone else is doing it and it STILL doesn't count as cheating apparently)  


4) At one point all men have wondered what it would be like to sleep with your best friend. Sometimes it is attached to an elaborate fantasy where you have died and they waited an appropriate time to mourn and then got jiggy with her, sometimes it doesn't. But it HAS crossed their mind.


5) Men steal your shower gel and other toiletries because it smells "nice". As much as they love their macho smells, they just can't help themselves from gravitating towards your Hibiscus and Damson shower gel occasionally. ESPECIALLY if theirs has run out!!

6) Men cry at sad films, I have yet to let Mr Fashionista watch Marley & Me all the way through, he thinks it is a comedy and that's the way I like it. Men won't cry openly at sad films either, instead they will blame allergies, fake a sneezing fit or a yawn. If you WANT to make a man weep just for giggles, stick on The Champ and tell him it's a boxing film. Weep central here you come.

7) Men have hidden porn, It doesn't matter how open minded you are, you could have a shelf of porn in alphabetical order on display in your living room and still they would hide at least one piece of porn. That's THEIR porn. It is built into men to hide porn, they can't help it, It is in their genes.

8) Men will never admit that they can't do a DIY job. It's all about the man points. A plug needs changing? Yeah, they can do that. House needs rewiring? They'll give it a go. (Obviously they won't be doing these jobs straight away, in fact they usually hang these jobs out until you actually hire a professional or do it yourself and then announce that they were going to be doing the job tomorrow)  Questioning a males ability to do these jobs is like announcing in the pub they have a small penis. Instant minus man points.

9) Men like to watch the soaps. They may start complaining the minute they hear the theme tune to Corrie, or 'Stenders or whatever is on but firstly they start by perching on the edge of the sofa, then they move on to asking who is who, and before you know it they are pondering the statistical improbability of living to a healthy old age in soapland. Sad, but true.

10) Men are proud of the odours their body excretes. From burping to passing wind, nothing saddens a man more than surpassing his odour record and being alone without anyone to share it with. (Or shove your head under the duvet to "truly appreciate the aroma")


Sorry guys, your secrets are not so secret anymore. In fact they never were.

Anyone else want to share some things we know about men but they think we don't.



Let me know.


Big Fashionista x x
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7 comments

  1. The part about Marley & Me made me laugh. I like to turn off Romeo & Juliet after their wedding night so it's still happy!

    xo
    Sara

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  2. very true and very funny!

    shel xx

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  3. haha that is THEIR porn. Good spot with that one!

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  4. I recently bought my other half Aussie's Moisturising shampoo because he has problems with dry skin on his scalp, and it isn't the lack of flaky skin that he likes about it the most...no, it's the fact that it smells like bubblegum!!!

    He also claims that he only watches the soaps because I do, but he remembers more character names and plot lines than I do, I can assure you ha! He even remembers the storylines of the soaps that I don't watch very often....!!

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  5. Yep - boyfriend got lots of use out of my Liz Earle shower gel which he then replaced with a 2 for 1 Radox offer at Superdrug. NOT THE SAME!

    ReplyDelete

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