Monday, 5 September 2011

A call for help

There is suffering in the world, oh so much suffering. (and I'm not just on about having Jedward on my TV every night) but there is something out there that is suffering so so badly on our behalf that it is taking itself out of the equation, ending its pain, and throwing itself down the toilet the first opportunity it gets.

I'm talking suicidal mobile phones here,

There seems to be an epidemic sweeping the nation. When did our phones get so disturbed listening to our conversations and reading our text messages that they decided they couldn't continue?

And when did they get so bloody inventive in their suicidal missions?

In my life I have lost a lot of good, good phones.

There was the Samsung that hid in my jeans pocket so that it could drown itself in my washing machine.

The Samsung that read a text from a friend and then decided to throw itself into the mug of coffee I was drinking! A perfectly executed swallow dive that would have turned Tom Daley green with envy.

The Samsung (I went through a Samsung phase, god knows why, they have serious issues) that decided to throw itself down the toilet after jumping from my back pocket.

Admit it, how many of you have lost a mobile phone down the toilet by having it in your back pocket? It's like they smell toilet duck and feel the urge to jump.

There was the Nokia that I had in my bra and then leant over the bath to turn off the taps. SPLASH!!!! Glug, glug, sink. Rest in peace little buddy, Your pain is over.

There should be a support group somewhere they can call (lets face it, they have the minutes) if they feel like they can't go on.  Or they coould just pick themselves up and get on with doing what they are meant to do. Serve me!!!!  Take my calls, send my texts, It's not difficult is it? What would they rather be doing anyway? Most phones are already half phone, half computer. Perhaps they are depressed at not reaching their full potential. They want to be true super computers. Control airplanes, chart courses to Mars?

And because realisation dawns upon them that instead they will be used to check Twitter, see what the time is and occasionally make a call they are DEPRESSED?

It could be worse!!! they could be pagers! Remember them? No? Exactly.

I have a message for my Blackberry, If you even THINK about ending it all, I will change my ringtone to Crazy Frog and buy an Ed Hardy phone case for you to wear.

Consider yourself warned Blackberry, consider yourself warned.

Do you have your phone on 24 hour suicide watch?

Or have you lost a phone in a crazy way? Feel free to post their obituary here.

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x


  1. to be honest i have never dropped my phone in the toilet/bath etc... maybe i am just really lucky lol :D

  2. My phones have all lasted to the end of their contracts. I must be going way too easy on them and massaging their fragile little egos.

  3. Mine recently went gaga after a trip through an airport scanner - wouldn't turn back on for a day, and then when it did added extra letters to each key press of predictive text, leaving me with completely unreadable messages. I ignored it for a month and it recovered.

    My old clamshell samsung - which I loved, incidentally - got dropped in my bedside glass of water by my toddler, and lived to tell the tale. I miss clamshells. I'm always convinced that flat phones which you have to remember to lock will have accidentally rung someone at the exact time at which I'm talking about them. Just me that has that paranoia?

    I think your trouble may be that you carry your phone in your BRA...?

  4. Ahh, the suicidal phones!! My very favourite phone EVER, a red Nokia 3310, fell out of my pocket, out the car door, and got ran over. My lovely little Sharp flip phone met a watery end when my son's baby bottle leaked all over it. My last Samsung decided to jump into the toilet just as I was flushing. My Motorola jumped into a pint of beer and THEN got whisked away when my bag was stolen. I've stopped buying expensive phones - I'm on my 3rd Samsung now and it can keep going until it decides to die. After that, I don't know what I'll do, I miss simple phones!! I don't need GPS, Apps, blah-de-blah, I just want a bloody phone that I can ring and text from!!

  5. Nope, all of mine are quite long lived and sensible. My iphone does occasionally go ARGH! and just refuse to work for a while but I think I've got the knack of how to coax it back into life now.

  6. hahaha Ed Hardy and crazy frog...hahaha!
    also laughed at the fact you were carrying your phone in your bra. Brilliant.

    I've lost one or two down the loo yeah - one when it was only a week old and I'd just signed a 2 year contract. Oh yes. My friend @jamie_speak also dropped his iPhone into a pint of water while half asleep/drunk and had to revert to a Nokia 3210 for the last year. He works in digital media...they were not impressed!

  7. Stef aka @PrincessofVP5 September 2011 at 17:53

    I can confirm that HTC's are very delicate creatures.

    My first threw itself out into a taxi in the dead of night, & we all know how dangerous that can be?!

    The second is self-harming by throwing itself off the kitchen worktop.

    Poor phones...

  8. I have no mobile phone - I am a dinosaur we all know that, and to illustrate this point, I recently had possession of my OH's phone and it rang as I was wondering through the cosmetics hall and I thought, I actually thought "wow I didn't know that all the beauty counters had phones....why doesn't somebody get that this ringing is getting on my t*ts". Jan x

  9. I take good care of my baby's these days but I did have one awful pebble type thing that leapt from my pocket as I ran and smashed to smithereens.

  10. My nokia lived to tell the tal after being repeatedly dunked in juice and sucked by my toddler. I still use it occasionally. Its my Bruce Willis phone: proper Die Hard.

    The hubs phone, an insufferable bore Ericsson, jumped out of my jumper pocket and into a rock pool, when I leaned over to show my son a crab. Startled the life out of the poor crab too.

  11. My phone is always going into plastic surgery! For the sake of a cracked screen! I mean I get a cover and some how ur decidedly it wants an up close and personal with a hard flooring. It's like it's own personal stuntman! I just give up! Death becomes her iPhone!


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