Tuesday, 6 September 2011

They've got legs (and know how to use them)

Is it just me or are we experiencing an invasion at the moment?

An invasion of spiders.

Now while I am sitting here writing this, I can say hand on heart that spiders are not scary, they are more scared of you than you are of it and they will not hurt you.

See, a calm rational human being (I've taken my meds)

BUT, put an arachnid in front of me, behind me or crawling across the ceiling (shudder) and I turn into a raving loon. (no laughing at the back, and no smart arse comments either)

What is it about spiders that bring out the fear in most people? My mother cannot even bring herself to look a picture of a spider without shaking with fear or feeling sick.

see how good I am to you lot

(Oh, my bad)

And it has been reported that because we had an exceptionally warm spring we are likely to see a huge growth in the spider population. Well thats just bloody fabulous isn't it?. Hearing that they got THEIR season of fun and shagging really doesn't help my attitude towards the leggy little buggers.

Now all I can imagine is that there were hundreds of drunken shagging tanned spiders in bikinis in my garden all Spring. (My garden, the arachnid equivalent of Malia)

I can be brave about spiders when there aren't any around.

But one runs across my laminate flooring and I'm praying that the cats see it first and eat it. (They spit out the legs don't you know) Now that may not be the most animal friendly solution, (especially for the spider) but i'm afraid its the best I can do.

I've SEEN Arachnophobia! And Eight-legged Freaks

I know what those buggers are truly capable of.

And I won't be rolling out the welcome mat anytime soon. Plus all excursions and drunken spider fumblings are banned next spring. If I can't have a summer holiday, then neither can they!

Where do you stand on Spiders?
(pun definitely intended)

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x



  1. i hate spiders, i hate it when people try and calmly expain how small and harmless they are, i dont care, im not an idiot, im an intelligent woman i can work all of that out for myself but it doesnt stop the irrational squealing and running for the vacuum cleaner (i know its evil but life sucks, literally, if you die by the hoover)

    but take note, there is one thing worse than spiders, yes worse.... daddy long-legs, eurgh they are spiders with wings and what troubles me is unlike wasps or bees (also make me scream) they have no discernible flight path... arghhhh xx :D


  2. They don't bother me at all, have never found them scary in the slightest! It's birds that give me the creeps. Especially town birds that are used to people and think nothing of flying right up to you .... I can't even finish that sentence. I hate birds. With a passion.

  3. I'm like Miss Mathful it's the bloody explaining ! It drives me nuts I expect others fears but no if your scared of spiders than your being silly, or your evil for killing them. If there was one in my bedroom I would have to sleep downstair's for god sake, I've gotten a little better with them and don't scream. I'm still laughing at your tanned shagging spiders :p haha
    I think that any fear should be treated with respect, my mate has a button fear I have always made an effort to consider clothing I've worn places we go. When you have fear it's real for you, I think people who laugh should face their fear and see if their still laughing. My dad always explains it to me, he drives me mental .. I want to put him in a small plane for life (he has a fear of them) so I can explain his! I dislike spiders, but I hate twats who treat our fear as a joke. Anyway great post (again) xxxx

  4. Great post babe. I did not know that spring was the reason for the influx. What spring? I must have missed this.
    The thing that scares me is that some of these spiders are giant. I think small ones are not as scary. I don't know if its just me? but they are easier to kill. The medium ones make me scream as I try to act brave with my shoe. But I would have to move house if I saw one of the spiders my friends have sent me pics of recently. I'm telling you they look tropical! Help.Stevie.x

  5. Phew. I'm here now that the picture is gone! I hate spiders. I hate bugs. I have a severe bug-phobia!!


  6. @MissGreenEyes omg at last someone with the same fear as me, I am petrified of birds, regularly have nightmares about them. Hate that pigeons in town walk up to your feet and then fly up into your face, I literally walk along kicking at them mumbling "fckrry fcking thing fck the fck off" like a mad woman!!

    Spiders, frankly not a lover. Luckily as I am married to a 6'5" 17 stone huge bloke they aren't something I have to deal with. Joke. He screams like a girl and calls for me, pathetic! I have managed to pop them in a glass, cover it with paper and take them outside on occasions, but if they make the mistake of running at me they get stomped! I did see a thing that you plug in that emits sound waves, or something, that spiders find intolerable, costs £21 & will rid a 4 bed house of them, could be worth considering - there is even a 60 day return policy, if I can find link again I'll add it in another comment!

  7. Link -

    And a promise from the owner of the site that there isnt a single pic of a spider, so its safe to go & have a look!

  8. I think you need to read this blogpost (although you may get sucked into reading the whole blog like I did). Hilarious. And TRUE.

  9. Oh thank god, I am TERRIFIED of bloody spiders, am terrible. Ewwwwww......noooooo. Am laughing at your tanned shagging spiders thing. Spring? when was that then? Seems we misssed that bit. I love autumn but hate the bloody influx of spiders into the house. ARGH! So pleased someone has the same fear as me. And those teeny tiny ones that creep up on you and run across scare the bejesus out of me.

    Say no to spiders people!

    GlamGemini on twitter xx

  10. I don't care that they are small and scared of me - I hate them! Not just spiders though - most insects elicit some kind of gasp/squeal and hand flapping followed by pleas to my OH to remove the offending insect/arachnid from the vicinity!

    Love Steph x


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