Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Away in a Danger-Nativity plays from hell.

It is that time of year when as parents we are at our busiest and yet the schools our little darling cherubins attend ALWAYS insist on putting on nativity plays when to be quite honest I would rather be out doing my Christmas shopping, or something equally exciting and enjoyable (like the dentist, without anaesthetic )

I'm free in June, any chance we can reschedule?

Apparently not.

As Ms Hirons would say, HOW RUDE!!!!

As there is no getting out of the obligatory nativity play, I might as well enjoy it.

This means embracing all the hell that goes along with it.

Firstly this involves watching a lot of side-eye in the playground at the mothers of those children picked to be angels, this stems from our wish as children to be picked as an angel and never getting chosen because we were SOOOOOOOO GOOD AT READING WE ALWAYS GOT CHOSEN AS THE NARRATOR. WHO WANTS TO BE THE NARRATOR, I WANTED TO BE AN ANGEL, JUST ONCE, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO, IT WAS ALWAYS CLARE DIXON, BECAUSE SHE WAS BLONDE AND PRETT......................................

(composes self)

So firstly there is the grief over the angels,

Then the next problem is the part of Mary & Joseph.

(Sigh. Some people are still not talking after the great Mary and Joseph casting of 2006)

Once the parts have been allocated, sneered over and accepted, the next problem to face are the outfits. (God I miss Woolworths) Shepherd? Simple, add a tea towel. Kings? some cardboard and some foil for a crown. Angels? A white sheet (like I give a stuff-sulks a bit) 

A DONKEY!!!!!!!!!!

Oh sweet baby Jesus, how do I do a Donkey?

(A small tip, never attempt to staple on a tail, it will only end in tears)

So we have our part, our costume, our ticket.........

Our ticket? Uh ho. This kicks up a whole new issue. Is your ticket numbered? It is easier to get a front row ticket to watch Rihanna than a front row ticket to a nativity play. (It always seems to be the same smug faced parents in the front row, have you ever noticed that?) If it isn't numbered, then it is like queueing for an H&M collaboration, come prepared, come early, wear heels. (it may get nasty)

You grab your seat and there on stage are the little cherubins, The best Nativity plays are the ones with the younger children. Reception, Nursery, Year One. Like I said, if I have to spend my time sitting there then I damn well want to be entertained by an Angel announcing they need a wee halfway through Away in a Manger. (tee hee)

Plus you usually get the gift of Gold, Frankenstein and Mud (Always a classic) and Mary dropping the baby Jesus on its head.

Children of that age have no shame either, they sing at the top of their voices, they announce they need the toilet, they wave at their mums and occasionally they shout out that the person next to them has farted (Everyone laughed but the childs parents, they sunk down to the bottom of their seats and refused to make eye contact with anyone for the next three years)

Ok, I admit it, I love the time of the Nativity plays. I wouldn't miss them for the world.
They are an hour or so of pure Christmas.

What do you think? Are you a fan of the Nativity plays? Are you like me and enjoy the whole occasion as an event and most importantly.................

Do you have any nativity stories you want to share with me.

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x


  1. I attended two yesterday, foundation stage and KS1, so 3/5 year olds and 5/7 year olds. I had front row seats for both (smug) having stood around in the cold for an ice age or so. Luckily our school provides costumes although the camel had a wardrobe malfunction and was parading around displaying a chubby nipple (he was about 5). Baby Jesus, as every year, was dropped from his basket onto his head. One nursery child has a career in musical theatre beckoning, she was absolutely brilliant, just in the chorus but singing every word and doing all the actions with aplomb.

    The woman next to me for the nursery one spent the whole time messaging on her blackberry, which I found really sad.

  2. My kids both went to a huge primary school. Every Christmas the Nativity was all inclusive from the tiniest dot to those freakishly huge lads in the top year who need a shave. This meant that every year the Nativity lasted about 7 hrs to give every child its chance to shine, shepherds herded flocks Australian farmers can only dream off, there weren't trees there was an entire Arboretum & as for the angels - a plethora, you get the picture. Numb arse & mind numbing tedium only relieved by the moment my two gorgeous babies were on stage & then I just cried. God I miss it, can't wait to be a granny!!

  3. I've been to 2 this year, last week was my 6 year old's, and the Friday before the Tuesday performance, he came home with a letter requesting I send in an elf costume for him... Great. Cue frantic internet searches and phone calls to shops, but nothing. He ended up wearing black pyjamas of his own, with a green t-shirt of mine and one of my (rather cool actually!) Belts wrapped round twice, and a fine hand made cardboard hat with a fluffy bauble on top. He looked fantastic at home, and even on stage he looked great. Just a shame that he was the only elf in a homemade costume... Every other child had one of the matching set supplied by the local theater group. No wonder he didn't want to attend. Poor child stuck out like a sore thumb!

    Last night I went to my 8 year olds Carol concert in the cathedral and it was amazing. yes there were fidgeting children in the lower years, but the children who sang solos for Once in Royal Davids City sent shivers up and down me and the hairs on my arms stood up. Watch out Charlotte Church, there are some more Welsh choristers on your tail!

  4. *sigh* Girl, the holiday events in schools are just the most! I have a son who plays in the school's advanced orchestra, which means a winter concert at the school (you have to sit through Kdg-8th grade orchestra, band, drama, and dance performances), in addition to the events around the city for which the orchestra has been invited to perform. I am dusting off and Febreezing my son's tux quite often this month, because I am not dry cleaning it after every performance.

    Because I work in the local school system and service two schools, I have the additional responsibility of assisting with, participating in, and/or attending the numerous holiday programs for the schools I service! By December 24th, all I want for Christmas is an end to Christmas!


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