Sunday, 30 January 2011

A golfing tale

Golf, A good walk spoiled.
-Mark Twain

So Mr Fashionista is off for a day on the golf course and I have to agree with Mr Twain on this one I'm afraid.

I'm not a fan of the game.

All this talk about bogeys and sand wedges (ham & cheese for me please, hold the green stuff) leaves me cold. I don't mind whacking a bucket of balls on the driving range, it is a HUGE stress relief but spending 6 hours tramping after a little white ball which I then hit and chase again is not my idea of fun.

And I really don't fancy becoming a concubine of Tiger Woods either!!!!

The scoring system is insane too, Eagles & Bogeys, double bogeys (yuk) It sounds like a group of schoolboys got together and came up with some names which they thought would be cool AND funny. Bogeys? giggle giggle giggle (Why did the golfer take an extra pair of trousers to the course? In case he got A HOLE IN ONE)

Golf, the sport of Kings and Black Cab drivers. I am yet to meet a black cab driver who doesn't play golf. I am sure they are out there, I just haven't met one.

And who is the bad boy of Golf?

Football has had Roy Keane, Paulo Di Canio, Nicholas Anelka.

Tennis had John McInroe, Cricket had Shane Warne, even snooker has Ronnie Sullivan.

Who does golf have?

Mr Tiger Woods!!!!!

Um..................................... um..................................

What can I say? He has fluffy golf covers! how can he be the bad boy of golf?

Apparently Tiger has now made golf  "SEXY"

Oh sweet jesus there is no hope is there?

So while Mr Fashionista is off ruining a good walk with some golf I'm off to enhance a walk with some shopping. I think I win, don't you?


Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 28 January 2011

A souviner with a difference

Some people would be happy with a commerative teatowel but if you are one of the people out there who are looking to celebrate the Royal Wedding with a (cough) bang then look no further than these.
 
Crown Jewels Condoms.

The sales pitch is as follows.................................................

"Combining the the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels Condoms promise a Royal Union of pleasure. Truly a King among condoms"

(I don't need to say anything else do I?)

(Oh I do?)

A teatowel I "get", I may even still have a Charles & Diana mug at the back of my cupboard somewhere but Royal prophalactics? My inner Royalist is screaming in pain while the blogger part of me rubbed my hands with glee when shown the website by the lovely Lynnette.

Do you want to take a look for yourself?

www.crownjewelscondoms.com/heritage.html

A word of warning, Don't use these as a way of "celebrating" the royal wedding or you could end up with your very own Prince or Princess, the smallprint says that they are not suitable for contraception or as protection against STDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words fail me.

Big Fashionista x x
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Nom or Vom

I can't believe it has taken me so long to get to this man.

He is King Nom, Nom of Noms, Sir Nommage of Nom Nom,

Quite frankly I wouldn't kick him out of bed for leaving crumbs, (Or farting and holding my head under the covers-THAT'S how much I heart this man.


It's George Lamb.


He is HOT isn't he?

A dicky bow? Ah George you dapper dapper fellow.



Oi George, I think that is MY jumper!!!!!!!



Oh OK., I forgive you.

There are women out there that I have BEGGED to lick this man when they have met him (you know who you are ladies)

I think he is like a fine wine, definitely getting better with age.

And is a man I would love to grow old with.


So what do we think ladies & gentlemen.

Nom or Vom?



Big Fashionista x x
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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Another fantasy ruined

Hear that noise?

That is the sound of my fantasy smashing into a thousand pieces.

Picture the scene.

An East London fire station. Shift change, LOTS of firemen milling around in tight navy t-shirts.

Can I just point out I did have a legitimate reason to be there, I don't just hang around fire stations for thrills (any more)

Now if you ask any woman about firemen then the chances are she is going to go weak at the knees and let out a little sigh.

Let me tell you now, these women with firemen fantasies haven't set foot near a fire station in years.

The nearest they have got is standing in front of their "Smokin Hotties of 2011" calender and believe me, I don't know where they keep these firemen they use on the Official Fire Brigade calender but they don't work in a station near me, I know, I have checked them all (purely for research purposes obviously)

Most firemen that I have seen are fat and forty, not one has made me wonder what his hose looks like (phnar phnar) or made me "smoulder" with desire.

That's it, I am giving up on the fireman fantasy altogether. Believing in hot firemen is like believing in Father Christmas, you are told they are real but has anyone actually seen one with their own eyes?


I think not.


Or am I wrong?

Have you seen any hot fireman lately?

OR have you had one of your fantasies crushed when faced with the reality?

I would say keep it clean but hell no, be as smutty as you like


Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Sureslim UK Week 18

Hello week 18. Week 18? that was my old clothes size (ok, 20-you broke me)

It seems like so long ago now that I was hiding under layers of clothes and making excuses that I loved my curves and enjoy my food too much to diet.

What I do now ISN'T a diet. It is a way of life, I don't feel like I deny myself in any way, I eat well and never feel anymore hungry than the next person.

My relationship with food has definitely changed, Food was my support network, my buddy system. If I was sad, I cheered myself up with food, Happy? Let's celebrate with a cake (ok 2, you lot are on the ball today)


All that has changed. My body is like a car, Food to me now is fuel. I put good fuel into my body as I want it to go faster, last longer and definitely be more streamlined (although I want to keep my great bumpers thanks)

I seem to have been bitten by the exercise bug, I am still loving going to the gym but I am developing a fascination for running, Currently I am running on a treadmill but I love the idea of the wind in my hair poundig the tarmac with nothing to interrupt me, a way to push my body that little bit further and see what I can really do. (although I don't want anyone to see me as I have a sneaking suspicion I run like Phoebe from Friends, Eeeeeeek)

I need to invest in some good trainers, I never knew there was so much choice, It is enough to make your head spin, Asics, New Balance, Neutral, Nike, I am a confused mess. I am going to take a trip to my local running shop and see what they can do to help me. I will keep you all informed.


So this weeks weight loss was 2lb, I am happy with that. After 18 weeks to still be steadily dropping weight for me is amazing, I have usually run amok in Greggs by now, (I think I am still banned from my local one from last time)

Total weight loss now is 38lb. I haven't weighed this low in years, I look forward to how I feel in the summer, usually my worst time of year due to the heat and am already trying to pick out clothes for a perfect summer wardrobe.

It is amazing to be looking forward to the summer for once, and I know that when the summer comes I will be at my target weight and be enjoying it to the full.


Thank you all for your continued support x x


Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 24 January 2011

Geordie Shore

So it has been brought to my attention that MTV are going to be creating a new show based on Jersey Shore called Geordie Shore

Once I had checked my calender to make sure it wasn't April Fools day (they haven't moved it have they?) I came to the conclusion that this wasn't going to be something that is repeated on Sky Arts (although I think Channel 4 will be putting in a bid) 

Somehow I don't think MTV are going to be following an undergraduate, a librarian, school teacher and toll booth collecter as they try to discover their hidden depths and share their love of education and minimalist art do you?

It is going to be choc full of stereotypes and way-ay man boozed up Geordies talking about their love of footie, tattoos and beer (and that will just be the women)

If there isn't a cameo by Gazza in this programme I will eat my Phillip Treacy.


You at the back flicking through the channels trying to Sky+ it-STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY.


So MTV, I thought I would help you out and once you have used up all your Geordie cliches and are on the look out for something new, you can turn your attention to......................


Mersey Shore, (What shores is mine, ey ey ey)

MTV follows 3 Scouse brothers as they look for a job while balancing their love of shell suits, football and curly perms. (cameos will be Kenny Dalgleish and obviously Abby Clancy, the budget didn't stretch to Coleen Rooney unfortunately)


For earlier in the day viewers of MTV there will be Jersey Shore UK, where nothing much happens apart from the occasional murder (cameo by John Nettles, obviously) there will also be an online exclusive of its sister programme Guernsey Shore, it has the same issues except the perps usually end up being the monkeys, (Or do I have my islands mixed up)


For after the watershed you have MTVs cutting edge programme based in East London,

called Are You Fu*king Sure, it will follow various cockney type shady characters as they embark on various drug deals, calling each other geezer and mate and finding ways to defraud the goverment of what is rightfully theirs (innit bruv) Cameo in this one will be Danny Dyer, (although Guy Ritchie begged for a part)

So there you go MTV, If you want to commission any of these programmes drop me a line,

I'll be waiting


Big Fashionista x x
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

Magic Mirrors

My apologies for lack of blog posts last week, Occasionally real life gets in the way of blogging and last week was definitely one of those weeks.

But worry not, while I was away, I was people watching.................................

And frankly some people out there are just not worth watching.

But I have discovered an interesting thing.

I am not sure if they sell them in Ikea or not, but some women out there own a "Magic mirror" (Before you go all diva like, this is NOT a good thing)

These magic mirrors are evil, Women look in them and ask the mirror the question we all do in the morning.

Dear Mirror, Promise me I don't look like shit this morning........ please.


And that mirror looks them straight in the eyes and LIES.

It is the only explanation I can come up with. Whether it does it for sick kicks or to be kind (sick kicks seem to be the logical explanation) there are mirrors out there that are slipping under the radar and making a LOT of women look awful.


I have seen some horrible things over the last week. Back fat bumps where there really shouldn't be, thongs above the trouser line (I NEVER want to see another womans thong, thank you very much) and women wearing clothes that they should NEVER EVER EVER leave the house in. (PJs & Uggs? Why oh why?)

I blame the mirror.

Some of those mirrors have come straight from a shop changing room, you know the type, You try something on in the shop and it looks great, you get it home and realise you wouldn't even want to be buried in it.

Pesky mirrors.

The mirrors seem especially active on a Friday and Saturday night in various houses where women are going clubbing. How some of those women pass the mirror test I really don't know. I can only imagine that as they leave their house their mirror is cracking up (cracking up? geddit?) laughing at the carnage it has created.

Although I suppose we cannot lay all the blame on the mirror. Do some of these women not have friends? I know that if one of my friends came on a night out wearing something that made her look like an overstuffed sausage I would tell her (Obviously in a more tactful way....... maybe............possibly)

But surely it shouldn't get that far?

So next time you stand in front of the mirror, double-check that it came from a recognised retailer and not somewhere like Hogwarts (the only magic reference I could think of, sorry)

Because there are a lot of those magic mirrors around, and it seems that a lot of women don't even know they have them!!!!


Stay safe people and be alert for Magic mirror fall out, it's everywhere.


Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Sureslim Diet-week 17.

Week 17!!!!!

How the hell did that happen, I rarely stick to a diet for 17 days let alone 17 weeks!!!!

and apart from the christmas period where I put on 5lb I have lost weight every week.

When I look back to how unhappy I was in my body it makes me very sad, I used my weight as an excuse for everything, even if I didn't say it out loud, the little voice in my head would say, "you would enjoy that if you weighed less" (that little voice is a total bitch who I used to silence with cake and now silence with exercise) Even going out of an evening used to be hours of trying to find something to wear, not to look my best but to make me NOT look my worst.

I'm glad that woman has gone, I don't miss her at all. I used to act confident, but it was all an act, a way to put a brave face on for the world. Now it isn't an act. I have joined the gym and am going three times a week, I am eating healthily and I really feel that this isn't a diet-It is a way of life for me.

I am learning to love the woman that I am becoming, I really feel like a flower that after years of being a bud in the shade I am finally becoming a FLOWER.

My only regret is that it took so long to get this far. I wish I had done this years ago, But perhaps it isn't until I hit rock bottom that I realised I needed to make a long-term change.

Now my only worry is what I will wear this summer to show my new figure instead of hide it.


So how did I do this week?


I lost 4lb.

Very impressed with myself at the moment, I am loving being at the gym which I started last Thursday, I am going Monday, Wednesday and Fridays so am hoping to see some great results with the combination of both diet AND exercise.

I am now down to 12 stone 12lb. A total of 36lb (you do the maths) which is the lowest that I have been, I have lost all the weight I put on at christmas now and a lb extra for good luck.

I am looking forward to the week ahead, and I look forward to giving you an update next week too.

Here's to the week ahead, onwards and downwards x x


Big Fashionista x x
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Sunday, 16 January 2011

Gym Bunny

Well check me out, I'm a gym bunny.

So last Thursday I had my gym induction and from the minute I stepped in the gym it felt like home (albeit a rather sweaty home)  I have spent years avoiding exercise like it was an infectious disease. I thought people who said they looked forward to the gym were part of a huge conspiracy, A very skinny conspiracy but a conspiracy all the same.

But I have had a hallelujah moment. What was the point of losing NEARLY all the weight I want to lose but still not being able to run for a bus, or up my stairs for that matter!!!!

There is no point looking great on the outside without working just as hard on the inside.

The gym induction was interesting to say the least, I learnt that I CAN run (for 2 minutes) I have learnt that the gym is NOT full of impossibly skinny blonde girls in crop tops and hot pants or muscle-bound hunks in lycra (shame) I've learnt that the showers are cold (but that's ok, i'm usually hot) and that I want to be the proud owner of this


Look how pretty this bag is, A Head bag!!!! Didn't we ALL have one of these as our school bags? Oh the nostalgia. I now want this as my gym bag, (minus the Kellie Luvs Matt Goss written in pen on the side obviously)

Who says that I can't go to the gym and still be a Fashionista?

I'm hopping off to the gym now, (sorry, I couldn't resist)

Leave me some love and inspiration to keep it up x x x


Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 14 January 2011

Weekend

I don't post at the weekend, My real life gets in the way..................................

So have a picture of a sleeping cat with my apologies.

See you Monday x x x

Have a lovely weekend.

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Thursday, 13 January 2011

Nom or Vom

Well hello Friday, well you snuck up on me when I wasn't looking didn't you!!!

Now this one isn't going to be to everyones taste but as it is Friday and Criminal Minds is back on the television I thought I would go for.....................................


Matthew Gray Grubler.


This is probably how you recognise him.




Awwwwww isn't he lovely.



Look at those features, he looks as though he has been chiselled.



Chiselled I say!!!!!




He's not going to be everyones cup of tea, he's certainly a step away from the musclebound hunks that usually grace Nom or Vom, But I think he is definitely a Nom.

What do you think?

Nom or Vom


Big Fashionista x x
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Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Hot Girl Crush Alert.

Angelina, Megan, even Ola Jordan. I am comfortable enough in my sexuality to admit to a girl crush and all of those beautiful ladies have been my crush at one time or another.

Well move over Megan, Adieu Angelina and Off you go Ola because I have a brand new girl crush going on and this one is for keeps (or until someone hotter comes along)

Olivia Wilde, star of House, O.C and now coming to the attention of every teenage boy and sci-fi geek due to Tron: Legacy, Let's face it....... she is a goddess.







We all have a girl crush don't we? Whether we want to be them or be with them there is nothing wrong with it at all.


Who's YOUR girl crush?


Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

A change in my life - Part 2

Last Thursday I blogged about my youngest daughter starting nursery. You can refresh your memory             ---> HERE

Almost a week into my new life............................ I don't like it. That lost soul at the school gates holding back the tears isn't my daughter, it's me. The person holding onto every second before 9am? That's me as well.

It's time to face it....... I'm suffering Empty Nest Syndrome.

For ten years now I have been somebodys No1. My house may have been filled with noise but that noise was laughter (mainly) and the sound of a childrens tv channel permanently playing in the background, I had toys underfoot and I swear to you that I usually put the same toys away at least five times each day but I had children that depended on me and needed me.

I miss that.

It's strange but it feels like I am done. My role is complete. I have passed the last child over to the care of the school and basically I have been made redundant (without a redundancy pay-off may I add)

Yes, I know that I am still needed. There are dinners to cook, and cash to be be dished out, but is that the extent of it from now on?

I thought that from now, every day would be filled with freedom, instead it just feels like a stretch of time that needs to be filled.

I'm sure that in time I will adjust and find ways to fill the days. but at the moment it just feels ................honestly? Quite lonely.

I feel like an ex-lifer who has been given parole and still hasn't found a way to fully re-integrate back into society.

Are there any other parents out there that found this period of transition hard?

I would love to hear from you.

In the meantime, If you see a sobbing mother at the school gates, give her a hug, she may need it.


Big Fashionista x x
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Sureslim UK Diet update

You know what? I've actually forgotten what week we are up to now!!! I will have to count it all up for next week.

So this week I was disappointed to find that I only lost 2lb- I really expected to lose more than that but as it is once again that time of the month I suppose I am lucky I didn't end up putting ON weight.

After having christmas off the diet my body has decided to rebel with the might of a 2 year old child, It wants chocolate, biscuits and also has a hankering for Quavers !!!!!!!!! (stupid cravings)

Over the last three months my periods have been a lot easier to bear since being on the diet, no bloating or cravings to deal with but as I took some time off, the need for sugar and basically CRAP has this month been unbearable.

Can't wait to get my blood sugar levels stabilised again and get back to how I was before christmas.


A BIG difference that I have made to my life today is that I've joined the gym.

Cue the fainting.

I know, ME........ in a gym...................... Who would have thought it?

(I get exhausted if I have a run in my tights) Seriously, I think I may be allergic to exercise, it makes me get all red and sweaty!!!!!! (that can't be right can it?)

But NEW START, NEW ME, I am so close to my target weight that now I also want to tone up and get fit.


I have even worked out a timetable.

Monday - Gym   (feel the burn)

Wednesday - Boxercise  (feel my wrath)

Friday - Aquaerobics  (Feel sick)

My gym induction is Thursday and i'm going to ask them to devise me a programme that I can stick to.

I need to buy trainers now. (Not something I am looking forward to I have to admit) but I think that is going to be a whole other blog post :-)


So 2lb off this week, it is still going in the right direction so onwards and downwards I go

How are you all doing in your New Year get fit regime?


Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 10 January 2011

Darts, Lets get to the point.

I used to watch Darts as a child, not out of choice you understand but because my mother LOVED it and she decided what was on the TV (Note to the young, we never used to have dedicated childrens channels, childrens TV used to be from 3 until 5.35 when Neighbours came on. Suck it up kiddies next time you are bitching there is nothing to watch)

I remember the players of yesteryear fighting it out to be crowned king, the haze of cigarette smoke around them as they transferred their fag to their other hand to play and took a gulp of beer before they went up to play (Aaaah them were the days)

Last week it was the Championship and somehow I managed to get myself sucked back in of a night watching the extended highlights.

and some certain things struck me.


Firstly the nicknames.

Meet Scotty "2 Hotty" Waites



Now I don't know about you but I feel slightly cheated (and tempted to sue under the Trades Description Act) I'm sure he is a lovely man but 2 Hotty? Shakes head, that would be a sorry walk of shame wouldn't it?

Want a couple more who really shouldn't be embroidering these nicknames on the back of their satin shirts? (or wearing satin shirts for that matter)


Meet Brian Woods AKA "Pecker"


Actually lets not.

Stephen "The Bullet" Bunting




The bitch in me wanted to know if he is the bullet, exactly how BIG is this gun!!!!!

These players are treated like gods, They have intro music, Andy Fordham walked on to "I'm too Sexy" by Right said Fred (I LOVE that) Stephen Bunting walks on to "Lets Get ready to rumble" (I am reassured that it wasn't the Ant & Dec version) Some of them have SERIOUSLY cool music, Raymond Van Barneveld walks on to "Eye of the Tiger" and Ted "The Count" Hankeys music is "Be on your way" (ok, not cool but it fits)


They have groupies too, I watched grown men dressed as Dracula supporting Ted "The Count" Hankey!!!
I was in shock. Woman crowded as these men walked past just to touch the hand of their hero. (It was the equivalent of teenage girls at a Bieber concert!!!)

These men are not gods, quite frankly they are middle-aged, overweight men who look as though they practice their craft in their local pub.

And you know what?

I loved it.

Anyone else out there a secret Darts fan? I'll see you next time at Frimley Green.


Big Fashionista x x
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Thursday, 6 January 2011

Nom or Vom

Welcome to 2011 everyone,

Shall we just jump straight into a hot man? (Phnar phnar)

This man has been highly recommended by the lovely Bicky from http://www.tasteslikeglitter.com/

I have to admit I hadn't heard of him before she recommended him but I have to admit I like what I see.

So lets take a look at Jenson Ackles shall we?

MMMMMMMMMMMMM,



Ooooh hello, that's slightly saucy (I like it)



See now, even with clothes on i am picturing him naked


I have come over all unnecessary now!!!!


In fact you could be looking at my new wallpaper for my shiny new laptop :-)

Enjoy the rest of your day, what do you think? Nom or Vom


Big Fashionista x x
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Models Own Giveaway

I love me a bit of Models Own I do,

And starting this sunday in the News Of The World's Fabulous magazine, Models Own are giving you the opportunity to snag yourself a gorgeous little set for nothing-nada-zip-nowt.

All you have to do is collect just two out of the three tokens printed in the magazine that comes with the News Of The World and then zip along with your tokens in hand to your nearest Tesco store and redeem for your free gifts worth £24!!!!!!!

Want to see what you will get?

Of course you do



Hot pink tweezers,

Liquid eyeliner

a duo eyeshadow

Eyelash curlers

& a volumising Mascara


Definitely something to look out for, If you've only ever tried the Models Own nail varnishes then perhaps this set is what you need to dip your toes into the world of other Models Own products.

The promotion starts this Sunday and will be running for 3 weeks but get in there fast as these won't be around for long.

Race ya to Tescos


Big Fashionista x x
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A change in my life

Can you hear that?

Nope me either, it is as Simon & Garfunkel once wrote, The sound of silence.

And it is beautiful........

Let me fill you in on the situation. After TEN years of being a domestic slave, therapist, teacher, comforter and referee (or mother as they are also known) my youngest (and last) child is as of today attending FULL-TIME school.


It is possibly the best day of my life.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my children with all my heart but somewhere along the way I swapped heels for flats, manicures for the washing up (I exaggerate, I have a dishwasher) and late nights for early mornings. Lunches used to entail wine, not nugget happy meals (although I do love the toy) and dinners used to involve um....... more wine not a salad cart and a children's menu.

and all this seemed to happen while I wasn't looking!!!!!!!!!!

But no more!!!!!!! (I seem to be getting a little bit exclamation mark happy with this post don't I?)

As of today I have from 9am until 3.15pm to rediscover who I really am, and the possibilities are endless. I MAY go to college in September, I may volunteer for a charity, I may even drop off the children and go straight back to bed for the day ( I think that one is definitely on my to-do list)

The point is it is up to me, as Derek Trotter once wrote " The world is my lobster"  and I cannot wait to explore and grow as an individual.

So if you happen to walk by a school today and you see a sobbing woman at the gates, don't worry about her, chances are they are tears of joy.

I'm off for a pub lunch, and to look up after-school clubs, I wonder if I can stretch another hour or so out of this.


Big Fashionista x x x
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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Sureslim Uk Back on track.

I had a good christmas, and New Year, In fact I spent most of the time hanging around a table of food with a drink in my hand (bliss)

What? Surely that is what christmas is all about isn't it? Food?

Don't judge me people, you know you all did exactly the same didn't you? Didn't you?


So yesterday it was time to survey the damage and get back on track.

I stepped on the scales KNOWING that I had definitely put on weight but not quite sure how much.

The damage was 5 lb.

and you know what? I'm happy with that. (it could have been a LOT worse, I promise you)

I ate so much food that I ate myself ready to diet again and I don't feel guilty for everything I ate over the holidays otherwise it would take away the point of it. I had two weeks off my diet, ate EVERYTHING I wanted and now i'm ready to get back to the healthy eating plan. (hides jellybabies for next week off)

I'm hoping to lose that 5lb this week and be completely back on track.

And here's a newsflash for you all,Ii'm thinking of taking up EXERCISE!!!!!!!!!

(It's ok, I just said thinking about it, don't worry about me too much just yet)


So how did you all do over the christmas break?

Anyone else put on weight and now ready to take it off again?

Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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