Friday, 27 May 2011

Nom or Vom

As I have been sick pretty much for what feels like forever now, (Ok,about a week, but MILLIONS of people have told me I am prone to exaggeration) I need a doctor.

And this guy made being a doctor a specialised art form. Then as he got older he made the silver fox look HAWT again and pretty much has done no wrong in any womans eyes EVER.


Ladies and Gentlemen I present


George Clooney.
















So what do we think?

Nom or Vom?


Big Fashionista x x
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Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Three little words

There are three little words out there that are GUARANTEED to have mothers killing themselves with laughter before fixing men with a stare that is designed to shrivel scrotums and have you checking yourself before you be wreckin yourself.


"Get some rest"


Are there any other words that can bring tears to a womens eyes so fast?

After spending the night in hospital with a kidney infection I have been sent home with ten days of antibiotics and some sage advice to get some rest.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,

I would piss myself laughing but seriously people that HURTS at the moment.


I have three children, I'm a busy woman. How the hell did they think I ended up with a kidney infection in the first place? By ignoring the symptoms of a water infection and carrying on when I should've taken myself to bed with a hot book and a good drink. (or should that be the other way around? Naaahhhhhh)

We don't have time to be ill, There is always someone out there who needs us more than we need to look after ourselves.

So today I am finally taking the doctors advice.

I'm getting some rest.

But only because my children are in school and the drugs are making me groggy.

3.15, I'm back on the clock.


Sorry Doc. x x x


How about you?

Do you take care of yourself when you are sick?

Let me know


Big Fashionista x
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011

The Giggs up!!!! An open letter.

Imagine my shock and surprise when this afternoon a letter was delivered by hand by a man with dark glasses, a welsh accent and a sheepish look on his face. (No pun intended)


Let me share it with you.


Dear Big Fashionista,

You have a reputation for "telling it how it is" and I need your help.
I have recently been in the news for accidently falling over and landing in an ex-Big Brother contestants Va-jay-jay.

I have a carefully cultivated "family man" image and I really didn't want anything to ruin that, so after careful £1000-an-hour consideration I decided to obtain a so called Super-injunction so that everyone would know that the woman I slept with was a whore and I could carry on deceiving, I mean loving my wife. 

But this has now backfired on me. 


What can I do to make things right?


Yours Sincerely 

Ryan Giggs.


So here is my carefully thought out reply.


Dear Ryan, I can call you Ryan can't I? Mr Giggs seems so formal. And considering what I am probably going to be reading about you in The Sun over the next couple of days, formality will be the LEAST of your problems dude.

Firstly thanks for clearing some things up. I have to admit when I heard that Imogen Thomas was doing giggs all over Manchester my first thought was, I didn't even know she could sing!!!

(Sorry, I'll get my coat)


Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, What a mess you've made. (probably not the first time you've heard that I Imogen, I mean imagine.)

Your first mistake was to be such a horny little devil in the first place.

I'm sure that in your wedding vows it didn't say, To love, honour and stray did it?

Yeah I'm judging you. If you can't keep your dick in your pants then don't be married, Simple. You chose to marry one woman and do the old "mate for life" thingy.

Your wife thought she was getting her swan and ended up with a swine.

But if you DO the crime, whether you are a famous footballer, an actor, a pop star or Joe Bloggs down the street and you get caught................

Have the decency to admit it. You basically hung a young girl out to dry and hid behind your big pile of money.

Tut tut tut, thats not clever.

Look at Hugh Grant, he got sucked into a huge scandal (Pun DEFINITELY intended) put his hands up and admitted it, Same with George Michael and plenty of other high profile celebs who stuck it where they shouldn't and got caught.

You can bleat that it has nothing to do with anyone else where you stick your dick and quite possibly you are right, but who were you trying to protect from the sordid details anyway?

Us the public? (I don't think so)

Your wife (should've thought of her BEFORE you knobbed someone else)

OR yourself!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh and there it is.

Because let's face it, you went through this whole stupid charade to protect yourself and what you had. You can't have your welsh cake AND eat it.

And now everyone knows.

Not JUST that you are a cheater, but that you are a COWARD who couldn't stand up and admit that he did wrong.

And THAT is what you will be judged for.

Because let's face it, no-one gives a shit really that you have cheated on your family. By now that would have been over and done with for everyone but you and yours. That was your fallout.

What you will forever be judged for is trying to silence free speech. To gag the media, social networking and everyone who sails in her.


And Ryan, I bet you a hell of a lot of cash that your wife will be a hell of a lot more forgiving than everyone else out there.


And I don't think flowers and chocolates are going to cut it with Social Media!!!!!

And I wouldn't rate your chances of getting a verified Twitter account any time soon either


Hugs and Kisses


Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 20 May 2011

Nom or Vom

I wasn't really in the mood for this weeks Nom or Vom to be honest. I'm in a place today where I could really do without the male of the species. One of those days where being a Black Widow spider has its attractions. You know those sort of days.

But anyway, It IS Friday so Nom or Vom it is.

The lovely @WendyPRGenie suggested one of her favourite men and because I can't think of a man without wanting to vomit today I decided to run with it.


Ladies & Gentlemen.

Bryan Adams






So what do we think?

Nom or Vom.


Wanders off to dream about being a black widow spider again.

MEN!!!!

Hmpppfffffffff.



Big Fashionista
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Thursday, 19 May 2011

No means No,

You may have to excuse the anger that will ooze from this post like poison from an open festering wound.

But I am ANGRY.

I'm angry because in ONE day, Kenneth Clarke has set back women more than a hundred years. In his bumbling, idiotic way he has ruined all the hard work that people have done to show that rape is rape. No is no and there is NEVER a justification for having sex with a woman against her will. EVER.

Yesterday Kenneth Clarke used the words "A Classic rape, a proper rape"

Excuse me while I go and classically punch him in the face, you know a proper punch in the face.

A proper rape? What the hell?

Rape is Rape. there is no less serious rape than another. Having sex with a women against her will is wrong, and whether you did it with a knife, your fists or even with alcohol you SHOULD be punished equally. NO exceptions.

Kenneth Clarke is a twat, an idiot and is hopefully going to be out of a job very shortly for his evil comments glossing over the pain of any woman who has been raped but not in a "classic" way. His comments will have been heard by a lot of women who already felt worthless and destroyed, his trivialising of what they went through is a pain no-one should feel.


But I also don't want to lose sight of what else was going on yesterday. The whole point of him going on TV and the radio was to clarify his position about changing the tariff for serious crimes whereas if the defendant pleads guilty they will have their sentence "discounted" for showing their "obvious contrition"


Erm.....................................


So if you say sorry, that's ok then?

If you rape someone, destroy their whole life, leaving them a shell of their former selves, unable to leave their home, trust another soul, or even answer the doorbell because they are scared their attacker will return, leaving them to forever feel fear in their throat which no matter how far they run, how often they cry and how long ago it was, never leaves them, but then say "SORRY" you should be rewarded for your honesty and get a discount on your sentence??

Kenneth Clarke says this is to save the women who are traumatised from going through the pain and suffering of a court battle.

Kenneth Clarke is talking bullshit, pure and simple.

Has anyone ASKED any of these women what they want? Whether they even want to hear their attacker say sorry? Or do they want him punished to the utmost extent? Already these women have had their right to say no taken off of them. For Kenneth Clarke to then take away their control even further defies belief.

This is about budgets, pure and simple, overcrowding in jails, the cost of housing prisoners, they are trying to justify letting people out early and save a few pennies.


Kenneth Clarke may be the stupidest man to ever walk the planet, or he could be the cleverest, with his remarks about a "classic rape" he has managed to sweep under the carpet the main point about cuttiing jail time for people who apologise.


I want everyone to be aware that no matter how long a man serves in prison for rape it is never as long as the woman who was raped serves.

No apology can take away that pain or spare a woman from that trauma.

EVER.



and if Kenneth Clarke honestly thinks otherwise then he is a bigger fool than I thought.




What do you think about the whole situation.

Not just about his comments yesterday but what he is trying to do in regards to cutting jail time?


Let me know, I would love to hear your thoughts.



Big Fashionista
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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

A matter of convenience

While I was silently sobbing into my phone yesterday as it stubbornly refused to get even a single bar (I honestly felt as if my arm had been cut off) I flicked through a newspaper and found a review of a new type of burger that you cook in a toaster.


GIVE ME STRENGTH.

Burgers that you cook in a toaster?

Sigh, It isn't exactly gourmet cooking to MAKE burgers, you know, from mince?

If you are not that way inclined then fine, buy then and grill them if you must.

Are we now that short of time we have to have burgers that you cook in the toaster?

The thought actually makes my stomach roll (no not with hunger.............. oh, ok just a little bit)

I am disgusted that our need for convenience has brought us to this!!!!
We want everything instantly, we have forgotten that all good things come to those who wait.


Anticipation, be it for food, sex, or company is all part of the whole experience is it not?

When it is handed to us instantly, where is the satisfaction in that?

Who dreams up these ideas? Was there a brainstorming (I add the word brain loosely) session and someone said, "you know what, I HATE waiting 20 minutes for burgers to cook, is there not a way we can cook them in two minutes?"

Which is then when everyone else should have given him a shrivelling stare so hard that his gonads retreated into his body and were never seen again until he opened his mouth!

THAT's how strongly I feel about toaster burgers!!!!!

I'm totally against this form of convenience food. I think it should be a criminal offence to sell this crap let alone buy it.

But hey, that's MY opinion.

What's yours?



Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Watch me weep.

Now I don't know about you, but I am a VERY emotional person. I'm up, I'm down. In fact the words "Drama Queen" have been mentioned, erm......... once or twice.


I can scream and shout, laugh and grin and I love a good argument.

Emotions make you feel ALIVE.

But you will never see me cry.

I cry, of course I do. But the thought of someone being there when I cry fills me with such horror that given a choice between crying in front of people I know or having a smear test done by Andrew Marr, The smear test wins every time. (apologies for the horrible images of Andrew Marr that have now put into your head)


I just can't cry in front of people. I could be collapsed on the floor, weeping buckets and when the doorbell goes I stop instantly.

It doesn't help that I am a damn ugly cryer.

I swear, my nose expands to three times it's original size. My eyes puff up and go red. I look like a hamster on meth.

Now if I cried like in the movies where a single solitary tear ran down my face, reflecting the light as it travelled across my cheekbone before gently dropping off the side of my face in sorrow. I'd cry ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

But alas, it isn't to be.

It's control issues. (I have LOTS of issues) I can't bear the thought that people will see me less than "large and in charge" for me, crying means I'm not in control of my emotions. And that isn't happening.

Let go and let those emotions run all over the place without any adult supervision?

Oh hell no. Not this lady.

I'll do my crying behind closed doors thanks.

Or if I am feeling like I want to share................

I'll do this

:"-(

That's good enough isn't it?


How about you?

Are you a public cryer?

Or do you want to book an appointment for Mr Marr too?


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 16 May 2011

Coded warnings

I debated writing this post for literally five minutes before getting out my laptop, wrapping myself in a blanket and treating my blog as a personal diary.

So today there has been a coded bomb warning allegedly from the IRA or another breakaway splinter group with a non time specific or location specific threat of a bomb.

Nothing scares me more than bomb threats.

I've seen what bombs can do not only to buildings and people's bodies but the long lasting damage it can do to peoples minds. Even people who weren't there.

In 1996 I worked at a place called South Quay. It is a little way away from Canary Wharf but still even now it is called the "Canary Wharf" bombing. For some reason this irritates me. Was South Quay not seen as important enough. Does "South Quay bombing" not make such good reading?

I worked for an American company called Franklin Mint, I was 21 and having the time of my life. We worked hard, partied hard and were a tight knit bunch. We thought we were invincible and nothing would spoil what we had.

We were wrong.

I was lucky.

I wasn't even in work that day. I decided to throw a sickie. My other half had no work that day and I decided to join him in a rare day off. My housemate who I worked with went off to work muttering about being me being a lazy bitch and I enjoyed the rest of the day without even an ounce of guilt.

Until 7pm that night.

We worked in a shift pattern at Franklin Mint. 11-7pm or 2-10pm

I can tell you exactly what happened that night, So many times in the weeks afterwards we gathered together to discuss it. We cried, we laughed, we fought.

At 6.30pm the supervisor of the shift went out for a cigarette to find the whole area silent apart from a shed load of police who seemed extremely shocked to find a woman with a cigarette slap bang in the centre of a blocked off area!

A quick conversation later and the whole of the call centre staff were downstairs shivering on the pavement moaning about bloody fake bomb threats.

And then the part comes that seemed to get lost somewhere along the way.

Somehow my friends got allowed back into their building. No-one knows who they heard it from, but half the office who were working till ten pm went back in and the staff that were meant to be working until 7 decided it was a result and left early.

Just five minutes later the bomb went off.

I heard the bomb from my house. I didn't think anything of it until the news flashed up. Even then when they said Canary Wharf I didn't dream that my building would be destroyed. Two people that I saw on a daily basis would be dead and many many others would be scarred for life.

I remember throwing up, just vomiting uncontrollably. I remember shaking and not being able to stop. This was before mobile phones, before internet was available instantly. we had to wait for the information to come to us. I sat glued to the screen not able to tear myself away. My housemate came home without even knowing what had gone on and we just sat there watching the TV.  Whenever something other than the news was on we just sat in silence. We didn't know who was alive or who was dead. We dialled our office, but the lines were down.

We didn't sleep just devoured every scrap of information we could and dialled our friends hoping that everyone was ok.

When we got the papers the next day we saw one of our colleagues with blood running down his face on the front page. I remember being offended they had spelt his work place wrong. My sense of priorities was skewed. I felt useless, drained and angry that a journalist couldn't even get his place of work right.

I saw that 2 people I knew had died. Inan Bashir and John Jefferies. They worked in the newsagents that I visited a couple of times a day. I'd stood in that newsagents so many times chatting with Inan. John was a lot quieter but always had time for a chat, especially about guitars. I thought of them as friends in the same way as anyone else I worked with. They were part of my day. And they were gone. an I hadn't got a chance to say goodbye.


Slowly we got more information, Some of my friends had been badly injured as they had gone back into the building. When we finally all met up it was hard to meet their eyes. Stitches, bruises, broken bones. Some of them thought themselves lucky. Some were angry. The people who had gone back into the office seemed to think that the people who hadn't been there had no right to feel sad or upset. We didn't know what had happened, how they had escaped or been rescued.

In their eyes we didn't know how they felt. We hadn't felt their fear or been scared for our lives.

The people who weren't there felt like we were being pushed out. We HAD felt fear, we HAD been scared. We weren't belittling their pain, why should they belittle ours.

When we went back to work a week later in temporary offices they were literally 2 minutes down the road from our old building which was now destroyed.


That was my building. It still makes me feel ill all these years later, how they imagined that just a couple of weeks later we would all be fine going past it I have no idea.

We tried to keep going. We laid flowers for those we had lost. We covered shifts for people that had to have time off for hospital appointments.

But it wasn't just the building that had been destroyed. It destroyed the spirit of EVERYONE who was there. It pulled us all apart. Guilt, fear. We all suffered.

I know that if I hadn't had the day off I would have been killed. I would have waited in the newsagents for my boyfriend to pick me up which he did every day. I live with that. I can feel lucky that I wasn't there and mostly I do. but on days like this when once again the memories flood back I feel guilty.

I don't feel like I have a right to feel fear when other people came so much closer to death.

I feel guilty that I let my fear take over when other people have moved on. I think that I have moved on, and then we have days like this when it all comes flooding back.

and then I feel like they have won.

And I can't have that. I refuse to let that happen.

I'm not in touch with anyone from that time in my life. We all drifted apart. It was easier that way, we didn't have to look at each other and acknowledge the pain that we all suffered in different ways.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. I don't know.


But it felt easier at the time.


I'm sorry this is such a rambling post. Perhaps I will delete it, I'm not sure.

But if you are still here at the end of it, I thank you.



Kellie x x
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Tell it to your therapist Ms Jones

Another day, another pointless article from Liz Jones in The Daily Mail Online.

DailyMail Online/Liz Jones

But why has this one made me madder than usual?

I'm mad because this had the potential to be an AWESOME article.

WE are all obsessed one way or the other with our weight, and Ms Jones as someone living with anorexia is in a powerful position to be able to help people like her by telling her story.


But like a super hero who turned to the dark side. She just couldn't resist the lure of her power to help herself instead of others.


Do I REALLY need to hear (TWICE) that she was in Prada? Does that help me to connect somehow with the story?

Er, No.

The words that she wrote, which obviously came from the heart and are highly personal in places could have been so powerful and yet were diluted in her desire to show us her "fabulous" lifestyle.

It is as if Liz Jones just can't help herself. She can take the makings of a great article and like a showbiz pushy mother she has to insert herself into the middle of it with a huge

TA-DA.

There are people out there that would kill to have her column or even a quarter of the platform that she has been given to spout her drivel. Her banality and narcissm should be her downfall.

If you want to be open and honest, then do it. Go the whole hog, strip yourself bare. but don't then pull back at the last minute and get side tracked in the triviality of the situation.

You are cheating your readers.


And yourself.
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Taking a bite

Today I want to talk about vampires.

No, not the type that sucks your blood. Sorry guys but Twilight doesn't float my boat at all.

Instead I want to talk about the more serious (and common) type of vampire out there.


Emotional vampires.

We all know at least one.

They are the people that can drain you of all life in just one sigh. replacing the happiness that you felt just a few moments before with pure misery and dispair.

These type of vampires exist, they are not a myth like the perfect pair of size 16 white trousers! People, they are REAL.

And if you don't know one.

Then maybe you should take a good hard look in the mirror (to check for a reflection) because it is possible that the emotional vampire in your circle is YOU.

Emotional vampires feed off of misery, they can remove the joy from the air like an extractor fan, bringing you down to their level. You talk about your hopes and what you are looking forward to, they talk about recession and the fact there is no hope. You talk about lipstick, they talk about how make up is a mask to hide behind.

You can't win with an emotional vampire. If you get drawn into a conversation with one and try to cheer them up, the chances are you will end up sitting on the edge of a bridge reflecting on your miserable existence within hours.

Spraying them with holy water doesn't work either. (Or attempting to drown them in it) That just provokes a debate on how mass religion is just lies and there is nothing out there, we just die. (cheerful huh?)

Emotional vampires don't just want to be miserable, they want everyone else to be miserable too. they want YOU to question everything in your life and find it as cold and as dark as they do.

The best way to deal with an emotional vampire isn't so different from how you deal with the normal run-of-the-mill vampire.

But instead of cutting out their heart just cut them out of your life. No-one needs someone in their life like that. People need to be willing to change, adapt and grow.

And if that isn't possible. then you need to act swiftly before they begin to feed on you. slowly draining away all that is bright and light in your world.


Do you have an emotional vampire in your life?

How would you deal with one?


Let me know.


Big Fashionista x
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Saturday, 14 May 2011

Paul Smith - Optimism

In conjunction with the release of the new fragrance Optimistic by Paul Smith there is a huge buzz being created by Social Media outlets everywhere regarding the word "Optimism"


When I was asked to get involved and write a post on the the word "Optimism" I was ready to sink my teeth into it like a starving vamp at sundown.


I AM an optimistic person.

I think the best of people.

The glass is ALWAYS half full (Especially a wine glass)

and there have been times when I have held on believing that good things will happen when all around me people have crumbled.

Is that a bad thing?

Does that leave me open to being hurt when things don't go my way?

Maybe it does.

But I would much rather be the sort of person who expected the best and was sometimes let down, than a person who expected the worst and was sometimes proved right.


How sad and lonely must it be to not be optimistic. Without our hopes and dreams what do we have to aspire to? What would be the point of even getting out of bed in the morning when all you faced was misery and despair. Why would you even attempt anything if you were sure it was destined to fail?


One of my favourite sayings is

Everyone dies, not everyone lives.

It reminds me that we have but one life and we deserve to LIVE it. To dream, laugh, love and reach for the stars, believe in ourselves and the people around us.

Being optimistic helps us to achieve this. and I wouldn't want to be any other way. Negativity has no place in my life at all.



If you want to get involved with the Paul Smith Optimistic campaign, then you need to hit LIKE over at their facebook page HERE --------------- > Paul Smith Optimistic

There are competitions going on with some serious prizes to be won, including Tickets to The Big Chill and £500 to spend at Paul Smith.

I've already hit LIKE and will be entering.

Because I'm optimistic.

How about you?


Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 13 May 2011

Nom or Vom

A lot of my new followers have been asking me what Nom or Vom actually is.

I thought long and hard about it and the best way to describe it is that I post gratuitous pics of a hot male celebrity every Friday and then we grade him like a piece of prime meat just on his looks.

It sounds superficial but..............................................

Ok, it really is.

Better late than never, I bring you this weeks Nom or Vom.


Brad Pitt.

 Oh Mr Pitt, are you lounging there looking all hot waiting for me?


Nearest to a naked shot I could find, I'm sure you can all use your imagination for this one.


Ah Brad, you were SMOKIN' before you hooked up with that earth mother bird!


 Shirt and jeans combo? Yep works for me.


Abs? Check. Long hair? Check. Dirty? Check.

You're welcome.


So what do we think everyone?

Brad Pitt.

Nom or Vom


Big Fashionista x x
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Thursday, 12 May 2011

Hair raising press releases.

I never quite understood the attraction of Cheryl Cole. Racism, assault, putting up with a cheating spouse. If she wrote it all down in a letter it would be the straw that broke Dear Deidre forever, leading her into a life of drink, drugs and a nicely padded cell.


So why on earth do I find my in-box choked up with press releases about "Big Hair" after Cheryl was papped on her first day at X Factor USA looking like she had stuck her finger in an electrical socket (I wish)

There are apparently powders, sprays and even shampoos out there to help create a look that I wake up with for free!!!!

Why do I WANT to copy a look that quite frankly looks like a fashion mishap anyway?

What's next?


How to create the "Skirt tucked into the knickers look" in just five easy steps.


Wonky eyeliner, the latest must have look.


Grey roots, How to recreate the Hollywood "aged" look. (I swear I ROCK this look)

Must we seize on anything a celeb does, even if it is wrong and hail it as the next big thing?

I'd rather follow a rabid rottweiler wearing Gagas meat dress than have huge hair because a celebrity got a bit windswept.

I'd rather say no thanks it isn't for me than follow the crowd blindly.

Big up Big Hair?

No thanks, I'll take my chances with my normal hair, and leave the Big hair to those that need the attention.


How about you?



Big Fashionista
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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Poppy King/No 7 Lipstick review

If you have yet to buy anything from the No7/Poppy King collaboration then this post is for you.




I adore lipstick. The right lipstick can change your mood, be your armour against the world and take you from tramp to vamp in just ten seconds flat.



The "Lipstick Queen" Poppy King knows what women want. 7 different shades of either lipstick or lipgloss all with dramatic names. Seduction, Power, Glamour, History, Intrigue, Allure and Confidence. Beautifully packaged and in a creamy formulation making them easy to apply these lipsticks either with a brush or direct from the bullet Poppy and No7 have created a winning collection that is designed to enhance what women already have.


I chose to try Seduction, billed as a blackberry shade the formula is quite sheer but buildable and is very glossy without being tacky.


I thought I would show you this lipstick from a wider angle so that you can see it how it would be observed by others. There was no bleeding from the lipstick at all even without a liner and it's staying power was good considering how glossy it was.

I will definitely be trying more from this range, I want to try the lipglosses next. Poppy King you have yourself a huge fan in me.


Have you tried anything from the No7/Poppy King range yet?


What do you think?



Big Fashionista x



Disclosure; I was sent this free lipstick to review. All views and opinions expressed are my own
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MAD in Chelsea

Everyone knows my opinion on The Only Way Is Essex. I never quite understood the purpose of celebrating idiots let alone making them stars in their own lifetime.

And then Made In Chelsea came along.




A programme SO superficial that it makes a puddle look deep. A programme where people bleat about  "having whatever you want makes choosing that much more tricky" (I  TOTALLY get this dahling, such a trial) and we get to feel honoured that we are catching a glimpse of how the other half live. (Lucky, lucky us)


As I watched Made In Chelsea I was literally forcing myself NOT to put my non-Choo clad foot through the television screen. At least with TOWIE there is the likeability factor. You may not want to hang out with them but we can relate to them in some way or the other.  I find it hard to relate to people with too much money who are bored, jaded and looking for the latest thrill in life. (Erm, honest)

People who take themselves too seriously bore me anyway. I think I have remembered THREE names from Made In Chelsea.

Ollie, whom I can imagine only looks deep into your eyes so that he can gaze at his own reflection. (and check out his hair)

Caggie, who is throwing herself unashamedly at Spencer, who has a girlfriend and is still making "come here woman" noises at her.


And there in lies the hook. The part which will catch everyone who watched (and managed not to kill their TV by the end of part one)


The "ROMANCE"

 I feel as though I have been played. As though the producers watched what they had filmed and thought...................... "Bollocks, this is crap. There's more substance to Kate Moss than this superficial pile of steaming dog turds, how do we roll this in glitter? I know. A love story. A tale of two people. A male, a female, Will they? Won't they? That will get them hooked... start rolling"


and you know what!!!!!!!!


As much as I hate it, it probably will.

I curse the romantic streak that runs through me!!!!!!

What did you think of the programme?

Anything other than the romance angle keeping you interested?


Let me know.


Big Fashionista x
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Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Football Crazy

If you are the sort of twisted individual that likes to see men brought to their knees
(guilty) then this time of the football season is just for you.

I'm a HUGE football fan, the only girl in the family I spent my formative years singing at Stamford Bridge and questioning the referees parentage.

I'm one of the lucky ones though, my parents (okay, my dad) cared enough to imprint me with a GOOD team. (and believe me, being wrapped in a Chelsea blanket at birth is imprinting) I will never suffer the pain and suffering of a relegation battle. (Although missing out on the title does hurt, sorry guys)

But I live within spitting distance (I've tried it) of West Ham Football ground and these guysat the moment are seriously killing my buzz.

4.45pm on a Saturday afternoon and East London is crying a river of tears

Walk past any pub in the area and fully grown men in replica shirts (which I may get to shortly) are literally sobbing into their pints. There are only TWO times in a mans life when it is okay to cry in the pub. The birth of a child and when your team is relegated. Any other reason is going to get you damaged innit!!!!

I'm dragging out my Hunters as we speak because where I live, it's about to get soggy.

Relegation hurts (Or so I'm told) It is a physical pain and suffering that cannot be soothed until you have gone back up a division. Grown men WILL cry, women and children will cry, everybody cries.

You don't choose your team, your team chooses you and you stay with them and relish the highs and suffer the lows. No true football fan changes who they support. It just doesn't happen.

So while I am happy that my team although sans silverware this year are safe, as a neutral I enjoy a good relegation scrap.

and seeing grown men in tears is just a bonus.


How's your team doing this year?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x

ps. Men wearing replica shirts? Seriously? Why? Do you ALL live in hope that one day something horrible will happen to the top striker and all of the substitutes and the manager will scan the crowd hoping against hope that someone is dressed appropriately to take his place, his eyes will settle on you and you run on the pitch to the roar of the crowd and score a hat-trick AND the winner?

Coz it ain't gonna happen guys x x x

Sorry about that. Now go put some proper clothes on. You look stupid x
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Monday, 9 May 2011

Trinny & Susannah Slimming Pants review.

When Tights Please asked if anyone would like to try some of their slimming pants I have to admit that I was one of those pesky people sticking up their hand going, "oh, me me, pick me"

I've had three children,

Baby got back, front AND sides.

If it's good enough for the celebs out there (most have which have a lower fat content than a chip) to wear control knickers then it is good enough for me. We all have those outfits that we need a little help with (I have a LOT of those outfits) and when TightsPlease sent me the Trinny & Susannah slimming pants  that go from your knees to just under your bust I was a happy blogger indeed.



Obligitory pic of me wearing my Trinny & Susannah Slimming pants.





Now you are going to have to trust me on the fact that it made a HUGE difference, (These jeans usually SCREAM muffin top) but it really did.

As I'm not brave enough to show you a picture of the actual suit on me I have taken a picture from the Tights Please website. http://www.tightsplease.co.uk/

Available in natural and black these Trinny & Susannah slimming pants are superb for smoothing ALL lumps and bumps. I found that there was none of the usual tell-tale bumps where the material finishes and as it is a suit it gives you all over body confidence. (Something I am usually lacking) It even has a little gap in the gusset for if you need a bathroom break. But I wasn't brave enough to give it a go.
The whole range of Trinny & Susannah shapewear is available here http://www.tightsplease.co.uk/brands/trinny-and-susannah/


or you can look at Tights Please for a huge range of shapewear and some fantastic tights that I have my eyes on.

http://www.tightsplease.co.uk/



What do you think?

Are you a fan of Tights Please and Shapewear?

Let me know


Big Fashionista x
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Friday, 6 May 2011

Nom or Vom

Hello Friday, it's been too long.

Today I am bringing you one of my personal favourites.

I fancy the arse off of this man, unfortunately the favour will never be returned. (Innuendo definitely meant)


But if I can't spend just one night making torrid, passionate, sweaty, hard (pauses to get breath back) love with this man then I would definitely settle for him being my GBFF.


Ladies and Gentlemen,


John Barrowman







Sigh, slightly different from my usual rough trade, but hey. A gal has to have a man for every occasion doesn't she?


What do YOU think?


Nom or Vom
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Thursday, 5 May 2011

Tactical Voting

Everywhere you look today be it social media or GASP, talking to "real" people, the topic on everyones lips is


AV.

(as well as mothers everywhere weeping at the fact the schools are shut once again to be used as polling stations, seriously can't a mother catch a break here?)



Now, I have to admit I am as confused as hell over AV, and please don't try to explain it to me again as everytime someone does I lose a few more brain cells and trust me, I'm pretty much running on empty at the moment anyway.


But what saddens me is the people who because they are so confused they have decided they are not going to vote.


Suffragettes everywhere are spinning in their grave.


It wasn't that long ago women couldn't vote and thanks to the hard work of the Suffragettes women of today don't even have to THINK about it as a privilege to vote, it is just normality. Which is how it should be.

BUT, let's not waste it.

So you don't know whether to vote YES or No for AV?

Neither do I yet,

But I didn't know what trainers to buy when I started running, So I did my homework and researched it.

Blackberry or Iphone?

I researched it.


Greggs or Percy Ingles

I researched it (thoroughly)

I WILL vote.

Will you?


Let me know


Big Fashionista
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Wednesday, 4 May 2011

One year Blogiversary

Wow, it's my blogiversary!!!!!!!!!!





One year ago today I started this blog, A place to write down my opinions without being rudely interrupted.

(What can I say, I have a LOT of opinions)

I look back over the last year of my blog with pride. I am proud of every single sentence that I have ever written. (and damn proud of a couple of pictures, Hmmmmm Paul Rudd)


This last year has just flown by, and at the same time has gone so slowly. I'm not the same person I was a year ago.

I hope that I have developed and grown as a writer but if I haven't, that's ok too. I am happy with what I have achieved SO FAR.


So what is the plan for the year ahead?

I don't know. I really don't.

I just want to carry on writing things down, hopefully making a couple of people smile along the way and telling it how it is.


I hope you will join me.



Kellie


Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Sureslim diet update

It feels ke I am returning to AA. (No not the car repair people!!!)

My name is Kellie and it has been a long time since my last confession.

I am a BAD dieter!!!!!


Over the last couple of weeks I found it hard to stick to the diet. Greggs sent me a "Missing you" card. There were half term holidays, bank holidays, in fact the only person who thought that putting the word "holiday" into it contravened the Trade Description Act was muggins here.

I've been busier that The London School Of Needlepoint with a dress to make.


But last wednesday I weighed myself and decided that enough was enough.

I worked so hard to lose the weight and I could tell that slowly my weight was creeping up again.

So I knuckled down, ate correctly and drank enough water to hydrate a third world country and...................................



This week I lost 7lb


You heard correctly.

7lb.

I've inspired myself. I think i've needed a good week like this for a LONG time. I am definitely back on track to get back down to my fighting weight.

and am hoping to be at my target weight in about a month or so.


I think part of the change of heart has been learning to accept me for who I am.

I am who I am.


But I want to be the best version of me that I can be.


Tune in next week and hopefully I can post another good week.


Big Fashionista x x
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It's official.

I've got post-nuptual depression.

I devoured the Royal Wedding like a fat girl with cake (Yeah I ate cake, and it was GOOD)

I waited around restlessly to catch my first glimpse of "THE" dress. I paced up and down my living room as I waited for Kate to walk down the aisle and I ooohed and ahhhed in all the right places during the actual ceremony. (Ok, I admit, A couple of tears rolled down my face)

and then it happened.

They kissed on the balcony.................................

and men everywhere across the world heard the words that from that minute onwards they would learn to hate.


"I want to be a Princess"

(It actually works better if you stamp your foot as well)

It was every girls dream. All women of a certain age grew up wanting to be a princess.

Teenage girls of today have missed out on that, they all want to be WAGS or just famous. I wanted to be swept away by a prince, wear the dress, the tiara and go to the ball.

Goddamit Kate has "my" life.

Apart from the Duchess of Cambridge bit, sorry but does anyone else think that sounds like a pub? If I was Kate I'd have taken my womb hostage and not given it up until the "princess" ransom was paid.
Or locked myself in the bog with vodka, pills and Prince Harry until my full demands had been met.

During the wedding I am afraid to admit a deep sleeping monster was awoken.

(No, not the mother-in-law)

Romance.

If I can't BE a Princess, I damn well want to be treated like one.

(imagines you all sitting there nodding and agreeing)

We should ALL be treated like Princesses.


As women that is OUR birthright!!!!!!


 Who's with me?


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 2 May 2011

Missing Mojo

Missing-Reward offered

One blogging mojo.


Now from what I have been hearing around lately, It seems that a lot of peoples mojos have all gone on holiday together, (Possibly a Butlins Soul weekender?)

But I'll be honest, I'm missing mine desperately, I've got used to her being around!!!


As I wrote before I feel as if BF is a seperate entity from me, giving me the courage to write things that perhaps Kellie wouldn't.

and now she is gone I miss the crazy bitch.

A half term and two Bank Holidays on the bounce may be good for some but I feel as if I am holding onto my sanity by it's back legs.

So BF enjoy your little break. Part of me likes to hope that she is on a cruise somewhere drinking cocktails and eyeing up hot waiters (one of us might as well have some fun)


I expect you back later on today as normal service resumes tomorrow, with you or without you x x x


PS Bring me back a waiter, erm I mean cocktail obviously


Anyone elses mojo gone on a cruise lately


Big Fashionista x
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