Monday, 9 January 2012

Blog Awards Email

This is the email I want to receive one day soon.


Dear Blogger (getting off to a good start here)

This is (insert generic magazine name here, I don't really want to be sued, I have nothing)

and we are starting our very own BLOG AWARDS!!!!!!!!

As you may or not be aware, soon it is the time when we renew our advertising contracts and really we could do with a big boost in hits, (plus our Klout score is looking a bit crappy)  What we are looking for is MAXIMUM exposure (For the magazine) and in return we are offering.......................

Absolutely nothing.

What we will do is throw you a bone every now and then by possibly, maybe, letting you write for us just the once, which we will send you a link to so that you can RT the arse out of it on Twitter (Still thinking of our Klout here) But once the initial excitement has died down and we have sealed some really juicy advertising contracts then it goes without saying we will deny all knowledge of your existence and will hit delete on all your emails without even reading,

We will of COURSE give you a shiny little badge for your blog, we know how you hairy-armed bloggers love a badge. This is to direct even more traffic towards our website and subliminally imprint our name onto all your readers brains forever, we aren't animals, we will make it sparkly.

A link on our website to your blog? Um we don't actually have the capabilities to do that at the moment, but trust me, we will be getting cupcakes with your names on them!!!!!!!!!


Good luck to us, I mean you in our fabulous Blog Awards,  We love blogs, we really do. we put up with them all the time.


Yours Sincerely

Huge importantant magazine editor.

(written by intern)
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37 comments

  1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... in bits reading this hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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  2. Should have opened "Yo, hairy-armed bitch!" but apart from that it's perfect.

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  3. blog awards? best way to irritate bloggers since the beginning of time...

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  4. Love it, very funny, very true :)

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  5. I have added Hairy-armed :-D It was rude not to.LOL

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  6. Love + it! That is exactly correct. You may have omitted the part where you supply free, researched unpaid content as skivvy for while and, because you do it, other more naive bloggers think this is industry standard and acceptable.

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  7. Couldn't have put it better myself... "Wait, you're going to give me an award? And the prize is to write for you, for FREE? O. M. G." Seriously, until someone actually does something beneficial for the blogger I'm not interested.

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  8. Is someone a bit bitter that they didn't get nominated?

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    Replies
    1. I can assure you she isn't buy you it appears are sucking a lemon.

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  9. lol is someone a bit of a coward they couldnt put their name to their comment?

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  10. I don't see myself as a beauty blog so nope, not bitter at all.

    How about you Anon? How are your bitterness levels?

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  11. Absolutely brilliant! Haha x

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  12. Do you know, I'm so glad you've made this situation funny. Was just about to despair but now I'm just laughing about it.

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  13. LOL Great post - I love your tone and don't you just adore being addressed as 'Dear Blogger?' On another note I find it worrying that so called reputable magazines are resorting this. If more and more media companies use Blog Awards as a way to exploit Bloggers then pretty soon all Blog Awards will lose their value and not be worth their salt.

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  14. I like this a lot. I LOVE sarcasm too.

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  15. I got about 3 of these emails in the last week and one company had the nerve to email back saying, 'we've seen what people are writing on twitter.. your nomination is genuine and there is even a gift basket for the winner..'
    It is beyond irritating.

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  16. Well done Kellie for saying what we are all thinking :) Jude xx @jadlgw

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  17. This is too good and SO true, am actually laughing to myself in the staff room at work and look slightly demented as a result!

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  18. I recently got an email from a PR who told me "Hi Lakota, we just love 'Sleeping or Sewing'!" I replied saying, er, that's great, so do I, shame it's not my blog though, perhaps you should get in touch with the author and tell her how much you'd "love to work together". I bcc'd said blogger in and remarked that I doubted she'd want to work with someone so unprofessional and generic. Oddly they never replied to either of us.

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  19. Bloody fantastic post (as per usual!)
    Haters gonna hate anon ;)

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  20. I must say as a newbie to blogging, the recent hoo ha has been an eye opener.
    The only monthly mag I read is Glamour and they do fashion blogs, so never knew about them until I voted for you in the cosmo awards.

    I have seen a few people that have expressed that they see these as ways for magazines to get free writers. Which is not on

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  21. Very true- the same happened with the first set of Gurgle awards. We were promised Mylene would be in attendance (she never turned up with no excuse) and it was held in the dark and tiny basement of a hotel. The rest of the hotel was plush but we were in some dungeon. I half thought it was in there as they had decided to rid the world of some bloggers by locking us where no one would hear us scream....
    Again, never did me any good at all- they even picked people nominated against me (I "won") for some panel they put together- and ignored my request to find out why I'd not been asked. Last year, they held them again- properly this time- and whereas all the other winners were invited, I wasn't. No explanation at all.
    Its a scam. Pure and simple. Same with on going review projects (cough Toyologists cough)

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  22. "hairy armed bloggers" bahahahaa, nearly spat my coffee on my laptop!

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  23. haha!!! great post!! totally sums up these awards. Don't get me wrong I love the cosmo awards because I do think theres a bit of pride in being one of their winners, however i was reading another one and basically you win 'the chance to write for us' ohhhhh THANKYOU, are you going to pay me? no... thought not!! xxx

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  24. Hehehe Kay Montano is probably regretting that 'hairy armed' comment.

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  25. The best read :) I loved this... just so true!

    Only you Kelly could write this and so well.

    Fee x

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  26. I too long for an email like this ;-)

    Great post Kelly!

    Lx

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  27. ...and then we'll invite you to a party and forget to put alcohol in your cocktails...!

    RCx

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  28. thank you for the laugh! that was awesome :-)

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  29. Ha ha ha Ritzi, I forgot about that!!!!!

    Sheer class

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  30. I am with Gemsmaquillage on this one (see her latest blog post) and think it's a 2-way street and bloggers do gain something out of it x

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  31. Yep, this pretty much sums it up I reckon 0_o

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