Friday, 30 March 2012

Wonderbra Giveaway

Happy National Cleavage Day

(Thats one card I would LOVE to see in Clintons)

So today is National Cleavage Day and being doubly (and then some) blessed in this department I have teamed up with Wonderbra to bring you a competition on this gorgeous sunny day so that you can give your cleavage the oomph it deserves.

Wonderbra obviously take National Cleavage Day extremely seriously and have come up with some great tips for you to help make the most of what you have in the chesticle department.

How to make the most of your cleavage..................

Inject some lace

Lace & fabric trims are perfect to draw attention to areas where you want it. Spice up a plain outfit by using patterned and textured underwear that only you know about....For now at least.

Make sure your bra is the perfect fit

When you are browsing for a boob boosting bra, ask to be measured by a professional fitter. You bra should sit flat to your chest bone so that the support comes from the bra and not your straps. Therefore making the most of your assets while being comfortable at the same time

For extra oomph

National Cleavage Day only happens once a year, so why not go all out! Wear a Wonderbra with adjustable straps and cross them over at the back - extra oomph is guaranteed

Give your skin a bit of a boost

Exfoliate head to toe, fake tan if you feel the need of some colour and add body shimmer to areas you want to highlight for extra va-va-voom

Feel confident

Ultimately choose a style that you feel comfortable in, when you're feeling good your confidence will be your best asset.

So to celebrate National Cleavage Day I have a competition to win this beautiful little Wonderbra number.

This is the Chic Lace Wonderbra. A total Classic in the Wonderbra range.

I have ONE of these to give away to a lucky follower so that you can maximise your cleavage and feel confident.

All you have to do to enter the competition is

Be a follower of my blog.

Be in the UK

and leave me a comment wishing me Happy National Cleavage day along with a contact email or Twitter contact if you prefer.

The competition will end Monday morning at 10am and the winner will be announced soon after.

What are you waiting for? It starts NOW.

Happy National Cleavage day everyone.

and Good Luck in my competition.

Big Fashionista x x x

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Here comes the sun (Oh hell)

And so it begins,

Five days of nice weather and I start to panic.

I'm not ready for summer? Not at all.

Firstly, I'm still storing fat from winter...... (Ok, the last five winters) and the only way I am going to get a bikini body is if I steal one and wear it like a wetsuit. (with corset style laces at the back obviously) You think I'm kidding, the last time I was on a beach Greenpeace were scrambled to pull me back into to deeper waters.

I'm pale, although I don't think pale even begins to cover it, I'm so pale that even Robert Pattinson is jealous (Although sparkles would be good right about now, where DID I put that Revlon foundation)

There is also the small matter of a large area of deforestation needed. At the moment I think even my toes are hairy!!! What can I say in my defence? (I'm a lazy skank?) Being furry saves on the heating bills? Hair is just SO 2012? Shall I just stick to the lazy skank part and get on with it?

If I peer down over my boobies (And my belly) I can see that my feet are in desperate need of some TLC. They have been caged for months in Uggs. They really aren't pretty.
Sandals are not on my to-do list at the moment. (Anyone know where I can borrow an industrial sander and a chain saw?)

The problem is, once I get all these things sorted (I think I may have to skip the bikini body this year) you know what will happen?

The sun will disappear for the rest of the summer, it will chuck it down with rain and knowing my luck, we will sink into a global ice age that will last for longer than my waxing ever could.


Cancels a couple of appointments,

I might just take my chances..............

Although I'm still tempted to try the sparkles.

What do you think?

Anyone else dreading the approaching week of Summer because they aren't ready?

Or do you think an impending Ice Age is our only escape?
(Keeps furry legs and prays)

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Send me to the tower

Now I may well get sent to the Tower for this one, but to be honest I could do with the break, (Ok, it's not quite a spa day but if someone else is cooking my meals then I'm really not that fussy)

I'm getting bored of Kate Middleton.

THERE, I said it, are you all happy now?

(packs bag and waits for the beefeaters to take me away)

It's probably not her fault. but she is in danger of being as over-exposed as Katie Price's tits. The media have jumped on the Kate Middleton bandwagon and are never going to let go (until she does something wrong and they can turn on her) 

Regal Kate Middleton wears Reiss, Princess Kate wears her mums dress, pretty Kate Middleton SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!! (she has a voice? Who knew? )

I have visions of her turning up on celeb Big Brother this year. I feel like she is just absolutely everywhere at the moment and I'm getting to the stage where I just yawn whenever I see her.

I'm not anti-royal, in fact I miss licking the back of the Queens head to attach a stamp (Stupid new fangled sticky stamps) but I just don't think that everytime she farts should be front page news.

And I tell you one thing, When that press conference is finally called to announce a royal baby?

I'm taking MYSELF to the Tower, and staying there.

How about you?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Who else needs a holiday?

I need the number of a good lawyer.

Well I say good, I mean cheap,

I say cheap, I mean free.

(or one of those No-Win, No Fee parasites, that you always see sharking around)

Why do you want the number of a good lawyer I hear you ask,

Because I want to sue the arse out of the clever dick that decided to put the word holiday after self-catering...............

Surely putting those words in the same sentence goes against the Trade Description act?

I have just come back from 4 days away in a caravan with my children and I SWEAR to you now, the first person I see today who enquires about how rested and relaxed I am after a weekend away is getting punched in the throat. (Ok, so now there are two reasons I need a lawyer)

Holiday and self catering do not sit well together for mothers do they?

I have cooked, cleaned, wiped, referee'd various arguments and made beds, I could be at HOME doing all that, the only difference this weekend was that I also had the pleasure of people saying "Cheer up luv, you're on holiday"

(I'll tell the lawyer where those bodies are buried, but no more)

I've decided that self catering holidays are just "same shit, different scenery" they just add the word holiday to draw us poor harassed mothers in.

I have decided that the only way I am never going to be caught out again is if the word holiday is prefixed by the word SPA, and with a small disclaimer at the bottom that says NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

That to me seems like a damn fine holiday.

You can keep your Bradley Bear, your Sammy the Seal and your Billy Bears

They are not drawing me in. Holiday camps woo you with tales of keeping your children entertained for hours, days even. but who ends up feeding them, cleaning them, swimming with them and taking them to the arcades?

Yep, muggins here does.

So bye bye Bradley, See ya Sammy, Be Gone Billy.

I want hot stone massages, pedicures and possibly a facial. (and another massage please, I have stress)

Now that sounds like a holiday to me.

How about you?

Let me know, I need a glass of wine  (or six) and a cry in the corner

Big Fashionista x x

Friday, 23 March 2012

Nom or Vom

Who else can smell Friday and DAMNATION it smells good.

So todays offering of maleness may not be to everyones taste, so what I decided to do was make it picture heavy so that hopefully you may find a picture that makes you want to lick the screen.

DISCLAIMER. Please do NOT lick the screen if you are in one of those shops where you pay 50p an hour to use their computers. It's unhygenic and they don't like it. (I lick the screen ONCE and I'm banned for life-so unfair)

So todays Nom or Vom is in my eyes the VERY lickable magician

Criss Angel

(Resists urge to make pussy joke)

(The Chilli Peppers called, Anthony Keides wants his look back)

(Don't do it)

Phew, picture heavy or what?

My apologies to anyone with a Blackberry whose BB has just shut down going "HELL NO, too big, too big" (resists urge to refer back to pussy joke once again)

So Ladies and Gentlemen,

Does Criss Angel float your boat?

Would you like a go on his magic wand?

Let me know.

Nom or Vom

Big Fashionista x x

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Are The Mayans right?

Up until yesterday I have never given much thought to the Mayans belief that the world will come to an end with a mighty bang at the end of 2012.

Instead I liked to believe the interpretation that the world as we know it now will end.

Like a symbolic "When one door closes" sort of thing.

But yesterday I saw the beginning of the end.

A sign so horrible that it made me want to get down on my knees and pray for forgiveness (Yeah, that might take a while)

S Club 7 are rumoured to be reforming
(If that isn't a sign of an impending apocalypse then I don't know what is!)

What do the Mayans need to do to make it any clearer!!!! It isn't like we didn't have warning signs.

(Whispers....................... STEPS!!!!!!!!)

NEED I SAY MORE!!! It's like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse plus a bonus horseman. They were sent straight from the bowels of pop hell to soften us up for nostalgia.

Yes they had tunes that you couldn't stop humming, Tragedy? A DAMN tragedy that my memories of Steps couldn't remain just that!!!!!

And then, just as I am reconciling myself to brain worms wriggling around humming Tragedyyyyyy (I'm sure they had more songs, it's just this one is stuck and can't get out) in a flash of light, they were gone again.

Erm........ Tragedy?

Did I sigh and think that we had all had a lucky escape? Like a meteorite that was on a collision course with earth with no chance of avoiding it and then at the eleventh hour America swooped in and saved the day (Yeah Steps WISHED America had shown an interest)

Yes I did.

But NO. that was just the warm-up act for the actual destruction of earth and music as we know it.

S Club 7 tour anyone?

From this there is no escape is there? There will be no Bruce Willis ready to sacrifice himself for his daughter and us (Liv Tyler I have not forgotten you, don't worry darling, you are still in my bad books. Pantene my ARSE)

No-one can stop this juggernaut that is going to rain down upon us, bring hellfire and probably a number one album.

The Mayans were right. It is the apocalypse,

I'm just sad that I have to wait until December for the world to actually end.

Because until then I know I am going to be humming Reach For The Stars.......

And I can't take that level of suffering for long.

Can you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And what if things get worse!

What if these are just the beginning of the end?

What if S Club 7 aren't the worst of what is to come.

I hear East 17 are watching with interest!!!!! (again)
I'm thinking now would be a great time for a mass suicide pact. Who's in?

What band reuniting would be a sign of the Apocalypse for you?

Blazing Squad?


Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

No-marks, your fifteen minutes are up

I have always been open in the fact that I just dont "get" the Kardashians. I feel like there is a huge in-joke going on and I don't know the punchline.

I don't understand the fascination with who they marry, don't marry, how many babies there are, I don't even care why one of them has an arse so disproportionate to the rest of her body I have no idea why she doesn't spend her whole life on her back. (How I said that with a straight face I will never know)

I don't even care why their names all begin with K.
(Ok, I do, that bugs the bejesus out of me)
But I have decided that I would rather spend a weekend with Kim Kardashian and a video camera than have to deal with the limelight stealing, teeth grinding annoyance that is..........................

Louis Spence

I'm sorry (I'm not) but surely at some point Andy Warhol needs to come back and have a word and remind him it was FIFTEEN MINUTES of fame, JUST fifteen.

Man alive is this guy trying to get his moneys worth or what?. He is like a grinning, evil toe-tapping gremlin who is desperately trying to squeeze a couple more minutes of fame out of what is, lets face it, a very small window for someone like him to survive in.

He must go to bed of a night, rehydrate himself with the blood of celestial virgins and pray to whoever he sold his soul to in thanks for letting him stay just that little bit longer.

How the hell he managed to slip into the mainstream of Dancing on Ice I have NO IDEA. All I can say is those must be some very incriminating photos he has!!!!

He is so annoying he actually makes my teeth itch.

So come on in Louis Spence, your 15 minutes are almost up (I hope)

Let some other no mark have their shot, I would call you in again, but I'm busy trying to pry Amy Childs fingernails out of the doorway of celeb status.

Can you think of anyone else whose longevity has far outweighed their talent?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

So you want to make a sex tape?

So the latest "victim" of the OH MY GOD, WHO THE HELL WAS RECORDING ME WHILE I DID THAT sex tape saga is Tulisa Contostavlos (resists urge to say, well thats a mouthful)

Obviously her people have come out and categorically denied that it is her. Which is to be expected.

I don't care if you have my face on a ten minute tape taking on all comers I am STILL going to deny it is me. (Stop GOOGLING it pervs, it's a fake. Honest)

But let's face it, it isn't going to harm Tulisas career is it? I'm yet to find a celeb who has had a sex tape released who has permanently damaged their career beyond all recognition. (Don't even think of it Katona)

So it made me think. Out there are some wannabes who can't sing, which rules out X Factor, can't act, (never rule out Hollyoaks wannabes, their door is always open) and can't get through the velvet ropes to snag a footballer. (hard times)

All that is left is a sex tape.

Here are Big Fashionistas rules for making your sex tape.

Rule No1

You've heard of No carbs before Marbs?

No choc before cock.

Now I know that there is a market for that sort of thing, (STOP EMAILING ME, it's never gonna happen) but we want to appeal to the mass market here. keep yourself a bit tidy like. They say the camera adds ten pounds, when you are watching the tape back before pressing upload do you REALLY want to be distraught that yes, your bum really does look big in that? (I'll leave that one there)

Rule two

Keep an air of mystery

No-one wants to be able to diagnose any gynaelogical disorders you may have from your video so lets keep the close-up minge shots to a minimum.  It isn't pretty.
Unless you have a body of Baywatch, face of Crimewatch, in which case your va jay jay is your friend. and probably your best feature. Think Smokey eyes and bright red lipstick, one or the other people, one OR the other.

Rule Three

Plausible denialibity

While I hope that no-one will see your vagina and say "Hey, I know her" you also need to be able to deny that it is you with a straight face that has hopefully not been caught full-on camera. Let's show some decorum here Wear a mask or something, dermablend the tattoos. KNOW YOUR ANGLES. Tantalise by all means, you need to add a little bit of "Is it her, isn't it?" about it, but you don't want to be giving the game away when every Tom, Dick & Harry can go, "Yeah it is"

Plus you need to be able to look your mother in the eyes and say "Mum it is NOT me.
(Lie through your teeth) honest"

Rule Four


No-one wants to be known as the Paris Hilton of the sex tape world, I'm not being funny but I've shown more enthusiasm at a smear test than she did in her tape (WHAT!! the speculum was warm and it had been a while) but there is a fine line between being a Paris and a Pammy. You don't want to be trying too hard, it just doesn't work. If I see a chandelier in your tape, I'm switching off as I just KNOW you are going to be swinging from it at one point. Like I said, trying too hard just isn't sexy.

Rule Five

Grab a hot co-star

Well, the best you can get, I don't care if you have to pay them, punch WAY above your weight. make it look as though you OBVIOUSLY have something between your legs which is lined with gold and has a tighter squeeze than the Conservatives on the NHS.

(Porn AND politics in the same post, I am firing all cylinders today)

So there you go my little wannabe Ho Bags, run like the wind to your nearest Argos and grab yourself a video camera. (Pay for it though ho bags, Argos looting is so 2011)

If you wanna MAKE it, yes, sometimes you do have to fake it.

(And make it convincing, although not TOO convincing, Hollyoaks MAY be

Any tips you can add for anyone out there?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Disclaimer, obviously I am NOT advocating you should all go out and make a sex tape for public viewing, some of you lot I wouldn't even want to see FULLY CLOTHED, let alone naked. (takes tongue out of cheek and expects anonymous outrage)

Monday, 19 March 2012

Let's study some form

Last week was a huge week for horse racing. Now I must admit, I only ever bet on the horses three times a year.

The Grand National

The Derby

and the Cheltenham Gold Cup

But this year, I have learnt something new.

And today, I am passing on this knowledge on to you (the urge to add grasshopper is strong......... grasshopper)

Apparently, (and no-one told me this before) studying the form in horse racing is not the art of picking a horse because it has a pretty name, or it has the name of a family member in it.

I know, I was as shocked as you.

So Diamond Harry (my dads name was Harry) was probably not a wise bet for the Cheltenham Gold Cup. (Ok, it definitely wasn't, I think it is still running) stupid horse.

The same goes for a horse with your football teams name, the name of your first dog or the name of your ex best friends, cousins, second girlfriend that he fingered in the park that one time. (Um, too much?) None of these flashes of recognition are going to make your horse any faster and be a dead cert in the 2.40. Sorry about that.

Another small tip I have picked up is that you don't pick a horse because you like the colours the jockey is wearing. Yes that orange top is SO trans-seasonal, bang on trend, (Sorry? it isn't orange, it's clementine? Oh my bad) and YES it does clash, (I mean compliment) that green (Ok, ok, peppermint) but the jockeys taste for spring trends does not automatically make it a winner.

Although Vogue called, they wanna put you on the cover baby. (Silk is IN)


The last piece of advice that I can offer you grasshopper, and I must admit that I am very very guilty of this.

The white horse is not the pretty pony of your childhood dreams and you shouldn't stick all your cash on it in the certainty that it will at some point in the race sprout wings like a Pegasus and romp home with furlongs to spare. (ooooh furlongs, check me out being all John McCririck like) and no if you squint really hard that isn't a horn you can see. It is not a secret unicorn so no sticking an extra fiver on it. (unless that part is just me, in which case, as you were)

The only problem I have now is that the Grand National and The Derby are fast approaching and I have NO WAY of picking the winner.

So share with me YOUR tips.

What is your way of studying form? How do you pick yours?

Let me know.............. um, please, Grand National fast approaching and all that and so far I'm going with Shakalakaboomboom (Don't ask)

Big Fashionista x x

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers day everyone

Tell me a bit about your mum

Big Fashionista x x

Saturday, 17 March 2012

The crying game

Over this last week I have learnt many valuable lessons.

But the most important thing I have learnt is..............................

Damn, I cry ugly.

Ever seen those women crying in the movies? Where the one tear trickles slowly down her cheek, her eyes mist delicately, brightening her eyes so that they sparkle?

I can only WISH I cried like that,

Or a better idea would be Sinead O'Connor in Nothing Compares 2 U. If I could cry like that I would possibly never stop, I would cry EVERYWHERE.

But alas, for me, it isn't an option. My eyes go so red I look like the mutant offspring of Nosferatu and a tomato, my nose usually decides to take a walk around my face so that it just covers everything and also matches the colour of my eyes. (Colour co-ordination dahhhhling)

Fluid leaks from almost every orifice in my face, (I have yet to cry from my ears. This saddens me a little as it could turn the whole thing into a party trick) and I snivel. Ooooooooooh how I snivel.

Sinead would be so disappointed in me.

Have I mentioned the blotches? I haven't? I blotch up everywhere, It looks like I am mutating slowly into a Friesian cow (A freaky red Friesian, it's very moooooooooo-ving )

I also lose the ability to speak!! Not a bad thing I grant you, but still, Sinead could sing beautifully while crying, I however cannot articulate my own name, let along sing about how long it's been since you took your love away (ooh ooohhhhhh ooooh ooohhhhhhhhhh)

I actually look SO bad when I cry that if I caught sight of myself in the mirror while crying....................................... I would probably cry.

How about you?

Are you a Sinead? Beautifully serene

or more like me, a weeping wailing mess when you cry?

Any tips for me (Apart from to woman up a bit? )

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Friday, 16 March 2012

Nom or Vom

Now usually each week when I am looking for a hot man to find naked pictures of so that we can shallowly grade him just on his looks (Oh don't get defensive, you know we do) I try to find a male celeb that has been in the news that week, (I like to keep it current innit?)

But unless you wanted THIS

AND NO-ONE DID, shock horror

(Somewhere out there are 1000 WOMEN trying to file a super injunction so Bill Roache can never reveal THEIR names)

so I had to think fast.

Luckily @Missinformed11 reminded me (SCREAMED LOUDLY) she had requested this guy.

So, courtesy of Mags,

Ladies and Gentlemen I bring you

Nathan Fillion

I've even thrown in a naked pic!!!!!!!

Happy fricking Friday!!!!!!!!!!

So what do we think ladies and gents?

Nom or Vom

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Thursday, 15 March 2012

There are some things you cannot unsee

In the mornings, I admit, I am not a sparkly being. While I understand that there are some of you out there that like to piss glitter and fart rainbows at 7am, I for one am a moody grumpy cow until at least 11am. (Ok, 1pm is a better time for me)

So the LAST thing I want to hear about in the morning is Bill Roache, AKA Ken Barlow from Coronation Street admitting to bedding over 1,000 women in his lifetime.


(It is like hearing your grandmother admit she likes anal sex. No-one wants to hear it, apart from perhaps grandad)

Bill, I am sure that now you are 146 years old you want to look back on your youth fondly, and perhaps the old memory banks aren't quite what they were, but lets face it,

It is Coronation Street, you weren't exactly the 5th member of the Beatles were you?

And hearing that your sexual prowess got you the nickname "Cock Roache" is something that makes me want to pluck out my eyes, reach deep into my cerebral cortex and scrub my brain so that I NEVER, I mean EVER remember that sentence again.

It is the equivalent of Heather from Eastenders in 30 years time saying about how many times she was offered the cover of Playboy.

Bill, there was no need to ruin my morning (and my breakfast) like this.

Cock Roache?


I'm going back to bed.

What do you think?

Is he over-exaggerating?

Do we HOPE he is exaggerating?

How many of you now will never be able to hear the term Cock Roach again without thinking of Ken Barlow?

Let me know

Big Fashionista

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

The danger in our kitchen

Scientists today are warning that there is a danger out there. A danger so dangerous that not to warn us, would be........... dangerous.

(It's very dangerous)

Are you sitting down so that you can be informed of the danger?
(As you can tell, I am possibly not going to be taking this all that seriously)

Red meat can be dangerous.

(Did you make the sound effect? you have to, go back and read it again and make the noise. Immediately)

My immediate thought was that the scientists had obviously seen the way I cook red meat.

My second thought was,

Is this a crafty ploy by women to try to put men off celebrating the fact that today is Steak & a blow job day. (I'm not kidding, apparently it is. Do we know if Clintons are stocking cards?)

My third thought was.

Who the hell cares?

Let's face it, everything is going to kill us eventually, everything is bad for us, and scientists are becoming a big bunch of killjoys who seem to not want us to enjoy anything other than nuts and seeds (Nut allergy? Really? sigh)

In my time on this earth I have seen everything be bad for me. Sugar, Eggs, chocolate, vegetables, in fact I'm sure red meat has been bad for us before, then was ok, and now it has fallen out of favour again.

I think somewhere there are a group of scientists sitting in a laboratory somewhere just rolling a homemade dice occasionally, one with food groups on it and the other one with "bad" and "Good" on it.

Where the dice falls, that is the press release they put out that week. It is all a game of scientist yahtzee.

And people are falling for it.

Although they are partly right, Red Meat CAN kill.

If any man slaps a piece of steak in front of me today and reminds me that it is "Steak and a Blow Job" day I am sure I can find at least TEN ways to kill him with that piece of steak, and at least four of the ways won't even leave a mark on his cold, dead corpse

Anyone care to try it?

I thought not.

Any opinions on the rising threat of red meat?

Or know whether Clintons are stocking cards?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Glossybox Harrods box

Recently social media beings and beauty box fans have been holding their collective breathe waiting for the arrival of the Harrods Glossybox.

Finally the wait for one excited blogger was over. (That would be me)

(Apologies Mr Postman, I promise, once those fingers heal up they will be as good as new)

Glossybox have been heralding the arrival of this box for quite a while now. It started with the mystery letters released daily that finally spelt the word KNIGHTSBRIDGE and soon followed with promises of "Luxury Cosmetics" and "Limited Editions"

People who had previously cancelled quickly signed back up to be able to receive the Harrods box and there were whispers everywhere about what was going to be in these special collaborative boxes.

Of course people expected great things from a Harrods collaboration. Who wouldn't?

Want to see my box?

Are you sure?

I was slightly disappointed that the box wasn't in the signature green and gold. But in the great scheme of things? Oh well. (Greater disappointment was soon to follow)

When you think Harrods, you instantly think luxury, high-end, rich and being spoilt by a fabulous shopping experience.

I didn't expect to lift the lid and my eyes be assaulted by cardboard samples.

This box isn't doesn't even whisper luxury to me at first glance.

It feels more like a collaboration with Debenhams or Boots than Harrods.

Here are the individual eye-offending cardboard based samples.

Lancome Hypnose Drama Mascara 2ml sample

When I think Lancome, I really don't think Harrods. This to me isn't high-end luxury make-up. This is Boots the chemist make-up and I feel slightly insulted that this was the luxury make-up piece that I received, when other boxes contain Burberry lipsticks

Valentina by Valentino perfume sample

It's nice, don't get me wrong. I like the perfume. but once again it is a product that is readily available and not exactly Harrods Finest,

Shu Uemera Cleansing Oil 4ml sachet.  A SACHET? A bloody sachet in a Harrods Box? If I was in charge of putting together a box which showcased the best or most interesting parts of Harrods Beauty hall there would not be a single part of me that would think a sachet of oil would make a great addition to the box.

So in my box of 6 products, 3 so far seem almost as if they could come free with a magazine.

The other three have to be better right?



Clarins Extra Firming Body Cream 30ml

Clarins? Correct me if I am wrong but I seem to remember Clarins in a box not so long ago. Duplicating a brand from a previous month just doesn't make it special or Harrods-like to me. But if you ARE going to add Clarins, why not just make sure it gets sent to people who didn't get Clarins last time?

This is a product I have never heard of before, it is a Harrods exclusive SKII-Skin Signature anti-ageing moisturiser. 15ml

I am very interested in trying this out, but it is sad times when the jewel in the crown of a hyped-to-hell box is an anti-ageing moisturiser isn't it?

Molton Brown Vitalising Vitamin AB+C Bath and Shower Gel 50ml

It's not bad, it's just meh. its yet another showel gel, I'm not disgusted by it. I'm just not inspired either, I will probably just stick it in the cupboard until I run out of shower gel or keep it in my travel bag until I go away. I just don't feel the urge to rush to my shower and smother it allllllllllll over my body at all.

So overall the box isn't a BAD box. If I had recieved this box as a general March box then I am sure I would have been ok with it.

But once again Glossybox have just made more trouble for themselves than needs be by hyping the hell out of a box, leading to crushing disappointment for all concerned.

My box is NOT what I feel Harrods is all about. it doesn't bring to me a taste of what Harrods have to offer at all.

It is mediocre at best, there is also not ONE full size product this month, 3 of the items are not even worth the cardboard they are wrapped in. (Did I mention this has irked me slightly) and something else that has concerned me greatly is that every other box we have received has listed the price per full size product. and it is missing off the information this month, why is that?

I know that there are different versions of the Harrods box, I hear that there are Juicy Tubes, Mini Burberry Lipsticks, Ojon and YSL floating around in other peoples boxes. These brands I do feel give a greater representation of what I feel Harrods is about and maybe in the past I have been lucky whereas other people have had a lesser box but perhaps Glossybox need to think about just having the ONE standard box for everyone so that some people don't feel like other people got better products.

It would certainly result in less bad feedback for Glossybox.

So overall I was crushingly disappointed by this months Harrods box.

How about you?

Are you a subscriber?

How do you feel about this months box.

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x

One thing I must add is that Harrods actually responded to my tweet about my disappointment and were very keen to hear my opinion about what I had liked and disliked about the box. That level of fantastic social media awareness is completely unbeatable and went some way to making me feel like someone was listening to my complaint and my feedback was taken on board.

Monday, 12 March 2012

Dear Madonna,

Dear Madge, (It kind of suits her now she's older, don't you think?)

We need a little woman to woman chat. Seriously we do.

Honey clear a space in your trophy cabinet because I want to present you with the award for "Celebrity who makes me want to repeatedly bang my head into a concrete wall until the stupid things you say leave my brain forever"

(Trust me, it is a strongly contested category lately)

This award also has a sub-category

"Oh my heart fricking bleeds for you love"

and you guessed it, you swept the board.

No speeches allowed........ if I let you stand in front of a crowd, I can't see it being pretty.

So what has Madonna done to trigger such scorn? (although this is quite restrained for me, give me a minute, I'm just getting warmed up)

Read on.

"I'm not gonna lie, it's hard work having four kids and doing all the work I do"

"It's all about the life of a single mother (her new album track) It's a challenge juggling everything-multi-tasking is my middle name. I try to express that. Sometimes I cope with it very well. sometimes It is a struggle


You went there?

Multi-millionaire, employer of god knows how many staff and nannies, globe trotting Madonna went THERE?!?!?!?!

Oh Madge, what were you thinking?

Being a single parent of four children is a STRUGGLE when you can't pay the rent. When you wake up five times in the night to comfort a crying or vomiting child and then have to do the same thing all day without any support or so much as a hug. It is a struggle when you go without so that your children don't.

Please, don't even try to be down wiv da mummies by trying to identify with single parents Madge.

Like vomit stained sheets, that SO ain't gonna wash.

In fact, go sit in the corner with Angelina Jolie, I can't stand her whinging on about her hard life either.  (How many nannies per child Ang? How many?)

Madonna, you might have sung Papa Don't Preach,

I'm suggesting that Mama Don't Preach what she doesn't really know.

What do you think?

Should we feel sorry for Madonna?

Should she not have purchased so many children if she couldn't manage them?

Or does she have every right to feel as under pressure as the next single parent?

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Lola & Grace store opening

On Thursday I attended the opening of a new store in Westfield Stratford,

Lola & Grace.

The funky younger sister of Swarovski, Lola & Grace are aiming to bring sparkles to the ears, wrists and necks of young fashionistas everywhere.

Whereas Swarovski is seen as classic and stylish, the concept of Lola & Grace is to make Swarovski jewellery fun and affordable for all. With a huge range of different styles, Lola & Grace is jewellery to make you smile.

Take a look at what Lola & Grace have to offer you.

The concept of Lola & Grace is that you can layer this jewellery without looking as if you have been in an explosion in a sparkle factory.

Forget less is more,

More is better.

More stores will be opening but currently the place to visit is Westfield Stratford to get a closer look at Lola & Grace jewellery.

What do you think?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x

Friday, 9 March 2012

Nom or Vom

When I find a hot male celeb that is quite happy to be photographed wearing next to nothing or pretty much nekkid, I have to admit my research usually takes a bit longer.
What can I say, I have to be thorough (and my screensaver won't change itself you know)

So my apologies for the lateness of todays Nom or Vom but I hope he was worth waiting for,

This guy IS a rock god, (And looks damn fine wearing just a guitar)

Ladies and Gentlemen

Today I bring you

Lenny Kravitz

So what do you think?

Wanna know if he is going your way?

Nom or Vom

Let me know x x

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Is revenge sweet?

Does revenge taste sweet?

I'm going to be honest here,

Yes. yes it does.

Let's face it. If someone messes you around, you can turn the other cheek (The grown up thing to do)

Or you can mess with their head so badly that they don't know what is up and what is down.

(Personally I will go for the childish revenge every time)

There is the obvious revenge.

Prawns in the widow poles.

Cleaning the toilet with their toothbrush. (giggles a bit. Ahhhhhh memories)

or you could get ever so slightly creative and feed them the piece of pork that you had to rescue off the cat that tried to steal it (erm, that was a "friend" honest. Don't look at me like that)

Childish? Yes

So much fun that I (They, I mean they) still giggle at the memories? Hell yes

Come on, if you knew that you could get away with it after someone had pissed you off would you not execute some sort of revenge?

or have you in the past?

I really want to know what childish acts of revenge you have pulled
(gets out pad and pen to take notes........... for my "friend" obviously)

Let me know

and as usual, feel free to take advantage of the anon button (Unless you're a troll)

and as always, this blog is captcha free.

knock your little commentating socks off

Big Fashionista x x x

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

What do swans know?

So yesterdays blog struck a cord with me. (No not the love for an inanimate object, me and Tallulah are not that close-honest)

I mentioned briefly about Mrs Of Liberty possibly falling in love with another statue in the future.

and it set my little hamster wheel turning in my head.

Question of the day.

Is it possible to love more than one person at once?

Now I'm not talking about loving em all night long at the same time, if you know what I mean, What two (or more) consenting adults do in private is completely down to them.

I am talking love. Real love.

Is it possible to be IN love with more than one person at the same time?

Personally I say it is.

I think we are capable of loving more than one person at the same time, just perhaps in different ways and for different things.

I'm not saying it is right, but I'm also not saying it's wrong. (Sometimes shit happens)

Who am I to judge anyone elses choices?

But what do YOU think?

Can you love more than one person at a time?

People with multiple children love all their children and each child individually fills your heart fit to burst so why not other people?

What makes us different from every other species on the planet? Apart from swans, they've got that monogamy shit down! (Oh and lobsters, but they aren't as pretty so I'd rather use swans as an example)

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

A heart of stone, and head and body.

It's that age old story. Woman goes abroad, Woman falls in love with statue...........................

What? You haven't heard this one?

It was reported in the Metro yesterday (Under the weird section, thank god it wasn't the Daily Mail, it would make front page I'm sure) that Amanda Whittaker 27, from Leeds has fallen in love with The Statue of Liberty.

Now I am ALL for romance but even I am finding this one a bit of a stretch.

Apparently she has an illness (resists the urge to say No shit) and her exes also include a drum kit.

(Is it me or is this stuff just going to write itself)

She confesses to thinking of The Statue of Liberty as her long distance lover, has visited her four times to caress and kiss her and calls her Libby.

Now while I resist the urge to mock this woman (badly, I may add) I have to wonder if she is actually onto something here.

Let's face it, she is always going to know where to find her lover, (although I bet it still doesn't pick up the phone) It is never going to leave dirty underwear around, and certainly won't steal all of the covers.

But it also brings up the age old problem of can you love more than one statue at a time? (Obviously a common problem) What happens if she goes to Brazil and falls in love with Christ The Redeemer? I mean he is one good looking man isn't he? Holding out his arms for a hug like that? What woman in the world suffering from Objectum Sexuality (see, it has a name and everything) could resist?

I could see Jeremy Kyle getting involved in this storyline quite easily.
It could be the first ever episode without a DNA test................... erm, hopefully. Girlfriend try explaining THAT one to anyone other than Maury Povich!!!
"I am 100000% sure that The Statue of Liberty IS the father"  Falls to ground in shock when the results are read out.

Now I'm ALL for falling in LUST with inanimate objects that do stuff for you..........

WHAT? I meant like a oven or a car!!!! (What did you think I meant, pervs :-D )

But erm, falling in love with a statue?

Move over Romeo & Juliet there is a new doomed couple in town......

Well at least this woman can honestly say her partner has a heart of stone.

I'm sure she finds them a real rock.


Mocking amnesty over.

So what do we think?

Crazy or practical?

And one does have to wonder what the Cardinal would make of this union?

Let me know what you think?

No telling me what inanimate objects you have fallen for
(Oh go on, if you must)

Big Fashionista x x

Monday, 5 March 2012

The rise and fall of a street style model

Dearest Tallulah, I'm hoping that somehow this will reach you.

We haven't been in touch for a little while now and that saddens me.

Do you remember when we first met? You were nothing special, sitting in a window just selling yourself. (No not Amsterdam, Bon Marche)

I gave you a home, love, a family, lots of pretty clothes to wear and I gave you a taste of fame and fortune on my blog (Ok, fame, no bloody fortune to be made here) but you wanted more........... so much more.

Like many other fame-hungry Z-list celebs before you, it started out simple.

Firstly you went out and got legless

I mean REALLY legless

Then before I knew it you were getting papped "accidently" flashing your undies to the waiting photographers outside Mahiki.

It didn't take long before I heard whispers that you had been seen coming out of Frankie Cocozzas house the next morning. (at least I know you didn't give him head)

We had serious words about that, perhaps I went too far suggesting you douse your vajay jay in sheep dip. but I still stand by the fact you need to keep that follow up appointment at the clinic. (B&Q to get sanded down a bit)

I know some things were not your fault Tallulah, you were naive, not wise to the ways of the real world. If I had perhaps prepared you better then you wouldn't have fallen for the oldest trick in the book.

The fake photographer offering you pictures for your portfolio?

It started off as it always does.

Then it was "Drop the bag babe" "Maybe this picture would be better if you just took off the top" and "just move the bra babe"

One thing led to another,

and before you knew it we had a problem

Luckily we could quickly sort that with a super injunction

And this,

And this too,

But now it has gone too far, Tallulah I am worried it is too late, that there is no going back for you. Call this an intervention if you want but I think you need help.

I know you are no dummy, (You're a mannequin)

But you are in over your head, (Well, if you had one, you would be)

and the last thing I want is to see you in the gutter


Let me help you Tallulah, I want to get back to how we were
(Me dressing you up in pretty clothes for shit and giggles)

What do you think?

Is it too late for Tallulah?

Or is it perhaps me that needs the help? LOL

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x x
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