Thursday, 29 March 2012

Here comes the sun (Oh hell)

And so it begins,


Five days of nice weather and I start to panic.

I'm not ready for summer? Not at all.

Firstly, I'm still storing fat from winter...... (Ok, the last five winters) and the only way I am going to get a bikini body is if I steal one and wear it like a wetsuit. (with corset style laces at the back obviously) You think I'm kidding, the last time I was on a beach Greenpeace were scrambled to pull me back into to deeper waters.

I'm pale, although I don't think pale even begins to cover it, I'm so pale that even Robert Pattinson is jealous (Although sparkles would be good right about now, where DID I put that Revlon foundation)


There is also the small matter of a large area of deforestation needed. At the moment I think even my toes are hairy!!! What can I say in my defence? (I'm a lazy skank?) Being furry saves on the heating bills? Hair is just SO 2012? Shall I just stick to the lazy skank part and get on with it?

If I peer down over my boobies (And my belly) I can see that my feet are in desperate need of some TLC. They have been caged for months in Uggs. They really aren't pretty.
Sandals are not on my to-do list at the moment. (Anyone know where I can borrow an industrial sander and a chain saw?)

The problem is, once I get all these things sorted (I think I may have to skip the bikini body this year) you know what will happen?

The sun will disappear for the rest of the summer, it will chuck it down with rain and knowing my luck, we will sink into a global ice age that will last for longer than my waxing ever could.


Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Cancels a couple of appointments,

I might just take my chances..............

Although I'm still tempted to try the sparkles.


What do you think?



Anyone else dreading the approaching week of Summer because they aren't ready?

Or do you think an impending Ice Age is our only escape?
(Keeps furry legs and prays)



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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9 comments

  1. Ice age please, I too am a lazy skank and just cannot be bothered with getting the "bikini body" etc etc (swap out uggs for para boots wrapped round my feet all winter)and your post is pretty much how I feel *nods*

    In my defence I have just worked 17 hours out of the past 24 though and I may of overdone the coffee just a tad, um oops?

    I may change my mind layer on and decide to do a full me treatment and then flounce about looking marvy for a nano second lol

    xo

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  2. Oh it's all just so much effort isn't it? I live in Dubai so there's not much chance of an ice age here, but looking good for warm weather is like an endless chore. I may just whack the air-con on full blast and hide under the duvet.

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  3. As a Sun Loving South African, living is sunless Ireland. I start the preparations when the clocks change. I don't have a bikini body, I never will, but since I don't own a bikini it's not an issue.

    But I am not spending money on salons and appointments for a sun that will not appear. DIAH (doing it at home) is SOOO in (well it is at my house anyways).

    Glad you are back. I missed you!

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  4. I've been in sandals and sundresses all week, bare legs and all! C'mon woman, make the effort! We live in the UK, we have to take all the sun we can get.

    RCx

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  5. I have a great solution to the hairy skank complex....

    Maxi dresses! I've been wearing them all week ;) Might make some preparations for some shorter skirts later...knee length maybe? Only half a leg needs shaving then!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Men have no idea just HOW much prep it takes for us to get ourselves to what they consider 'normal'.

    And they wonder why we take so long in the bathroom!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The just got out of bed look takes AGES!!!!!!

      Delete

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