Dearest Tallulah, I'm hoping that somehow this will reach you.
We haven't been in touch for a little while now and that saddens me.
Do you remember when we first met? You were nothing special, sitting in a window just selling yourself. (No not Amsterdam, Bon Marche)
I gave you a home, love, a family, lots of pretty clothes to wear and I gave you a taste of fame and fortune on my blog (Ok, fame, no bloody fortune to be made here) but you wanted more........... so much more.
Like many other fame-hungry Z-list celebs before you, it started out simple.
Firstly you went out and got legless
I mean REALLY legless
Then before I knew it you were getting papped "accidently" flashing your undies to the waiting photographers outside Mahiki.
It didn't take long before I heard whispers that you had been seen coming out of Frankie Cocozzas house the next morning. (at least I know you didn't give him head)
We had serious words about that, perhaps I went too far suggesting you douse your vajay jay in sheep dip. but I still stand by the fact you need to keep that follow up appointment at the clinic. (B&Q to get sanded down a bit)
I know some things were not your fault Tallulah, you were naive, not wise to the ways of the real world. If I had perhaps prepared you better then you wouldn't have fallen for the oldest trick in the book.
The fake photographer offering you pictures for your portfolio?
It started off as it always does.
Then it was "Drop the bag babe" "Maybe this picture would be better if you just took off the top" and "just move the bra babe"
One thing led to another,
and before you knew it we had a problem
Luckily we could quickly sort that with a super injunction
And this too,
But now it has gone too far, Tallulah I am worried it is too late, that there is no going back for you. Call this an intervention if you want but I think you need help.
I know you are no dummy, (You're a mannequin)
But you are in over your head, (Well, if you had one, you would be)
and the last thing I want is to see you in the gutter
Let me help you Tallulah, I want to get back to how we were
(Me dressing you up in pretty clothes for shit and giggles)
What do you think?
Is it too late for Tallulah?
Or is it perhaps me that needs the help? LOL
Let me know
Big Fashionista x x x