Monday, 5 March 2012

The rise and fall of a street style model

Dearest Tallulah, I'm hoping that somehow this will reach you.

We haven't been in touch for a little while now and that saddens me.

Do you remember when we first met? You were nothing special, sitting in a window just selling yourself. (No not Amsterdam, Bon Marche)

I gave you a home, love, a family, lots of pretty clothes to wear and I gave you a taste of fame and fortune on my blog (Ok, fame, no bloody fortune to be made here) but you wanted more........... so much more.

Like many other fame-hungry Z-list celebs before you, it started out simple.

Firstly you went out and got legless

I mean REALLY legless

Then before I knew it you were getting papped "accidently" flashing your undies to the waiting photographers outside Mahiki.

It didn't take long before I heard whispers that you had been seen coming out of Frankie Cocozzas house the next morning. (at least I know you didn't give him head)

We had serious words about that, perhaps I went too far suggesting you douse your vajay jay in sheep dip. but I still stand by the fact you need to keep that follow up appointment at the clinic. (B&Q to get sanded down a bit)

I know some things were not your fault Tallulah, you were naive, not wise to the ways of the real world. If I had perhaps prepared you better then you wouldn't have fallen for the oldest trick in the book.

The fake photographer offering you pictures for your portfolio?

It started off as it always does.

Then it was "Drop the bag babe" "Maybe this picture would be better if you just took off the top" and "just move the bra babe"

One thing led to another,

and before you knew it we had a problem

Luckily we could quickly sort that with a super injunction

And this,

And this too,

But now it has gone too far, Tallulah I am worried it is too late, that there is no going back for you. Call this an intervention if you want but I think you need help.

I know you are no dummy, (You're a mannequin)

But you are in over your head, (Well, if you had one, you would be)

and the last thing I want is to see you in the gutter


Let me help you Tallulah, I want to get back to how we were
(Me dressing you up in pretty clothes for shit and giggles)

What do you think?

Is it too late for Tallulah?

Or is it perhaps me that needs the help? LOL

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x x


  1. I think with love and care Tallulah will come round to being a good mannequin again. All you can do is support her (and perhaps find her a head.
    You may also need a teeny bit of help, but I think you're fabby the way you are.
    This post has totally made my day and it's only 7am, so thank you for making a cold Monday morning bearable!

  2. Ahhh this post has massively cheered me up! Totally brightened my mood! Love it!

  3. Hilarious! Perfect Monday morning read :-D

  4. Frigging brilliant! That post had me in giggles from start to finish, poor Tally. :0( Baaahahahahaaaaaa

    Nice one! And yes, potentially a little help for you may not go astray, eh...?


  5. Hahaha best post eva!

    Ah the perils of a little 'fame', I think Tallulah needs to go to rehab, then perhaps write her life's story... (ghost writer needed) itd be a best seller

  6. Hahaha love this! Happy Monday!!

  7. HaHaHa! Funny as f***! ;) I have been waiting all weekend for this loooool! - Great work ;) xx

  8. Shocking antics!! Bon Marche would be ashamed!

    *wipes tears of laughter*
    Thank you for making my Monday, the week can only go downhill from here on in.
    I heart you. Talullah however, needs help.

  10. haha best post i've ever read! And i think its really time for poor Talullah to get some help.

  11. hahahahahahahaha! thank you for making my day! toni x

  12. The funniest post ever! I roared with laughter throughout, thank you for sharing your own special brand of insanity! And your hot pink thong, hancuffs and whip, you minx! xx

  13. OMG Best Post Ever Love It xx

  14. Tallulah needs her own blog or maybe she could set up a youtube channel?

  15. How much fun did you have with these pics, hilarious, I actually love you :)

  16. hahaha this is insane - in a good way! roll on installment 2 xo

  17. Lady you made me damn near choke on my orvieto classico (I'm pretending to have class this evening). I can only imagine what your neighbours thought of you staging those pictures :p

  18. You are a genius. Poor Tallulah.

    *gales of laughter*

  19. I'm not surprised poor Tallulah has gone of the rails a bit. I mean it's not your fault as I know you saved her, but she's gone from the peace and tranquillity of B M out into the big wide world.
    I imagine she only got to change her clothes once a week at most. Now she's wearing younger fashions, loads of accessories and never seems to stay in one place very long. I hardly think she would have ever seen a "Thong" before let alone wear a bright pink one. I bet she's never been near any live animals either. I hope your pets are not bullying her.

    All these new experinces may have gone to her head a bit, you just need to explain to her a bit more about what is happening around her and tell her it's just not right for someone so young to be acting in this way. She needs to take her time and not run before she can walk. If need be threaten to send her to M&S where she will be put to use in the Cardigan section, a bit tough I know but you have to be cruel to be kind

  20. Genius - I agree Tallulah should have her own blog! :) X

  21. Brilliant. Absolutely FANTASTIC! Well done :)

  22. This is BRILLIANT!!

    I only discovered you in recent months so this post was 'before my time' but it just made me do a proper LOL in the office.

    I heart Tallulah - how is she doing now? An update would be great!

  23. lmao hilarious hun i love sues response and my favorite is i know your not a dummy, your a mannequin lol


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