Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Who else needs a holiday?

I need the number of a good lawyer.

Well I say good, I mean cheap,

I say cheap, I mean free.

(or one of those No-Win, No Fee parasites, that you always see sharking around)

Why do you want the number of a good lawyer I hear you ask,

Because I want to sue the arse out of the clever dick that decided to put the word holiday after self-catering...............

Surely putting those words in the same sentence goes against the Trade Description act?

I have just come back from 4 days away in a caravan with my children and I SWEAR to you now, the first person I see today who enquires about how rested and relaxed I am after a weekend away is getting punched in the throat. (Ok, so now there are two reasons I need a lawyer)

Holiday and self catering do not sit well together for mothers do they?

I have cooked, cleaned, wiped, referee'd various arguments and made beds, I could be at HOME doing all that, the only difference this weekend was that I also had the pleasure of people saying "Cheer up luv, you're on holiday"

(I'll tell the lawyer where those bodies are buried, but no more)

I've decided that self catering holidays are just "same shit, different scenery" they just add the word holiday to draw us poor harassed mothers in.

I have decided that the only way I am never going to be caught out again is if the word holiday is prefixed by the word SPA, and with a small disclaimer at the bottom that says NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

That to me seems like a damn fine holiday.

You can keep your Bradley Bear, your Sammy the Seal and your Billy Bears

They are not drawing me in. Holiday camps woo you with tales of keeping your children entertained for hours, days even. but who ends up feeding them, cleaning them, swimming with them and taking them to the arcades?

Yep, muggins here does.

So bye bye Bradley, See ya Sammy, Be Gone Billy.

I want hot stone massages, pedicures and possibly a facial. (and another massage please, I have stress)

Now that sounds like a holiday to me.

How about you?

Let me know, I need a glass of wine  (or six) and a cry in the corner

Big Fashionista x x


  1. I remember as a child self catering holidays being GREAT! My mum is a great cook :D But now that I'm old enough to go away without her...No way no how!!

    1. Oh my children loved it. They had a great time. For them it was full-board :-)

    2. Actually more like all-inclusive :-)

  2. All Inclusive all the way for us. Our worst holidays have been in prison camps (sorry, "holiday camps") where fixed smiles are aplenty and you are forced to enjoy yourself.

    It was the same with caravan holidays as a child but we did actually all have a hand in some of the jobs though.

  3. I feel your pain! I went on a self-catering holiday with my ex-boyfriend and while he was sleeping in the sun on the balcony, I was traipsing to/from the local mini-mart and in the kitchen making dinner.

    In my opinion, I shouldn't be cooking/cleaning/ironing when I'm on holiday - I should be drunk on a sun-lounger.


  4. I have to agree too! I'm lucky and have managed a child free holiday abroad for a week for the past 7 yrs! My ex MIL might be an old dragon but she has her uses!!

  5. What is a holiday? Last one I went on was 20 years ago lol, we do days out instead, with 3 kids , 2 dogs and a disabled OH it's just much easier :)

    I don't think I could cope with self catering at all, it actually makes my heart sink just thinking about it.

    Kellie go book yourself a spa weekend, frankly you deserve and need one. Leave the kids behind and get yourself pampered xo

  6. So agree about the horror of self catering - why would a mother want to do that? much worse than being at home, where at least you have all your survival essentials - wine, crisps, internet, duct tape...


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