Thursday, 17 May 2012

Shit my iPhone does

Now I must admit, when I changed from a Blackberry to an iPhone I knew after ten minutes that I would never go back.

The clock of death? Battery pulls every 7 hours or the thing throws a bitch fit of epic proportions?

Yeah I don't miss that at all.

But when all those iPhone users out there were advising me to sell  my soul to Apple they neglected to mention just a few little issues........

Now as I don't like surprises that don't come in boxes and involve me saying, "For me? Oh you shouldn't have" I want to spare all of you out there that may be thinking about making the switch, the pain and suffering that I have experienced while making the transition from BB to iPhone.

Shit my iPhone does.

Firstly, be under no illusion, an iPhone sucks battery like a twenty quid hooker looking to make four hundred pounds in an hour.  Fast, efficient and you don't even notice it happening.

The battery of an iPhone is obviously powered by the blood of a Mayfly

It starts off the day on a high and by tea time it is DEAD. (If you are lucky) I charge mine up so often that sometimes it just walks itself to the charger and plugs itself in. (well it would if it had any battery left)

All that technology and no-one thought of making a battery that would last longer than a relationship on Made in Chelsea?  (Team Jamie btw)

I could go down the whole autocorrect route, but cancel my subcription coz I am SO over those issues. Autocorrect keeps me on my toes and stops me from just pressing send. (DOUBLE CHECK people, DOUBLE CHECK)

It is when it completely disregards words that SHOULD be in the dictionary and chooses to replace them with another word that makes no sense at all.

I'm sorry you are i'll, get better soon.

and what is with the iPhones stubborn refusal to admit that SO is even a word?

It SO is. I use it a LOT. So (SEE) stick it iPhone.

And what is it with the screen glare on an iPhone? Considering it has been raining since I got it I hadn't noticed.... A bit of sunshine today and the screen goes as shy as me in a swimming costume!!!! (painfully shy and difficult to look at)

One last thing that annoys me with an iPhone? it has illusions of being a teacher, that is the only explanation I can think of that it underlines things in red pen that it doesn't like. I sometimes expect it to grade my texts and the occasional phone call that I make on it.

(It dials as well, who knew computers could be so clever?)

So that is the shit that my iPhone does,

What else have I got to look forward to?

Apart from Siri being an absolute bitch who can never understand my accent unless I tell him I love him!!! (Another needy male in my life, great)

Let me know

Big Fashionista x x



  1. I totally agree with the autocorrect thing. It's constant need to make random words capitals as well, what's that about?

    1. Oh god yes, I'm constantly in fear of the grammar police coming to get me

    2. The guy I'm seeing at the moment is a total grammar Nazi; consequently texting takes HOURS, mainly because I'm checking, rechecking, realising a mistake and then spending 15 minutes trying to get the right bit selected so I can change it.

    3. Oooooh I hope he's hot!!!!!!

  2. I'm still propping up my Wildfire S- so rubbish I can't get Instagram on it. Have been thinking on an iPhone, but will probably end up stealing my other halves Galaxy S, I'm crap with phones.
    Love the "compare iphone battery to hooker" line, made me choke on my coffee.

    1. Instagram is my god! How did I cope without it ;)

      It's true about the battery tho!

      My god it's ruthless

    2. For some reason I cannot start my own comment but this is by far THE BEST post i've ever read on blogger. Really made me laugh! It's horrible that you're having these problems but it was just what i needed first thing! x

  3. At least with my Nokia 3310 it LEARNT words I used a lot. My iPhone still insists on calling my Mam my Man. I'm Northern. I call her Mam. Get. Over. It!

    Also, the whole 'not allowed a ring tone' thing. What happened to using the music in your phone as an alarm, or ringtone. I used to love waking up to 9-5 by Dolly. Now it is the chimes of Big Ben. NOT THE SAME.

    However, you ARE right. I won't go back. Nope. Not ever.

    It has me **get out phone. Unlocks phone. Scrolls through apps. Opens app. Selects** WHIPPED **WHITITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH** (Big Bang Whip App. Obviously)

    K x

  4. perhaps I'll stick to my BB then!

  5. I will love my Blackberry forever and ever, despite its faults.

    LOVE the iPad, but I don't need an iPhone in my life... not ever!


  6. It's not SHOT or SHUT ... it's SHIT! How many more times do I have to say SHIT before you recognise that when I say SHIT I mean SHIT!!!!!

    As you were ...

  7. I've just got an iphone, and I'm in love.
    But saying that, I moved from a HTC which means my standards were pretty low.

  8. lol brilliant! I just got a Samsung galaxy S2 and while I LOVE it the battery is utter bollocks! I charge it overnight and by 6pm it's whinging to be charged. GAH

  9. You ate able to have a music ringtone, you have to download the free ringtone maker app :)

  10. Mum_on_the_move17 May 2012 at 21:02

    I love this. I too went from the BB to iPhone and never looked back, but it certainly has lots of 'iphoneisms'. Do you have the 4S? I have the 4 and my battery only needs charging every 1-2 days...

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  12. Love by iPhone and love my iPad, but totally agree about the autocorrect!

    I've got used to the battery, I have a charger in my bag and in my car and about 3 or 4 around the house. It's funny, my work mobile is an old Nokia and the battery last all week!

    Team Jamie too, BTW!

  13. Great post.It's shit,of a phone,how can anyone use iPhone iOS the dumb and boring OS,just a pair of icons,nothing else,no desktop,no clock,no style,not customisable,no nothing,just some static icons,Apple shits about it's usability,Android could do that without looking like dots of crap on paper,I mean come on people,it's the most boring phone ever,and to make things worse apple keeps that the same for five fucking years!! not a single eye catching change,how dumb do you have to be to buy this shit...


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