Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Talking bol***ks

I have a skin tag under my arm which is basically annoying the frick out of me at the moment and I started to wonder,

How the hell do men cope with testicles? (See what happens when my mind is allowed to wonder off unsupervised)

Now this skin tag is very little, it doesn't swing around (minute it does I'm off to the Dr) and thankfully it isn't hairy. (erm, I'm not painting a good picture here am I?)

and yet it is bothering me constantly by catching on things and rubbing.

It isn't often I have sympathy for the fellas but I think this time I am going to have to pat you on the back (not on the balls) and applaud you for your patience and um, ball handling skills.

I have to admit that when I think of men wearing Y-fronts it never really conjures up a sexy look does it. (Unless you are Mr Beckham, don't even attempt it fellas) But I do get it now.

Y-fronts are simply ball bras aren't they?

Just a clever way from stopping you sitting on your own testicles. (Trust me, without a bra I have similar issues :-(   )

Although testicles are basically a design flaw aren't they? I get that they should be further away from the body so that the sperm doesn't overheat and all that, but why then put them in a place where you can A, sit on them, B, accidently squash them while walking or C trap them in a zip.

My apologies to my male followers who are currently crossing their legs (carefully I hope) and have a tear in their eye.

Wouldn't it have been better to put them somewhere safer? Like the middle of your back, or perhaps nestled under an armpit so that you could keep them safe. Dangling around as they do is just asking for trouble isn't it?

If I was a guy I would be wearing a protective cup constantly so that I didn't do them any damage. (I'd also write my name against a wall but that is another story for another time) or I would walk around cupping them protectively with my hands screaming get back, get back, to anyone who dared to walk within three feet of my balls.

Men I applaud you, how there aren't more of you out there with one missing through injury I really don't know.

When I go to the Doctor about getting my skin tag removed is anyone interested in me finding out about a group discount?

Let me know.

Oh and men, what sort of damage have you done to your soldiers in the past, let me know.

Big Fashionista x x



  1. Oh Lord. Have you met any men, ever? Do they not all already act as if they deserve an award for "single-handedly" ensuring the continuance of our species? And now you applaud them for managing not to sit on their own nuts. We will NEVER hear the end of this. The single funniest morning I have ever spent was the time I took my husband for a vasectomy, the waiting room is full of intact, terrified men and the freshly neutered. And women giving one another knowing looks that encompass bikini waxing, episiotomies and a little sneer of contempt.

  2. Funniest post and funniest comment ^ ever.

    Small side note..."at home skin tag removal" = piece of cotton tied round it for a few days. Falls off. simples!

  3. I also have skintags. A colony of the little bastards cropping up everywhere these days. I had a big one under my boob, like a third boob, but it was bleeding from being rubbed by the underwire bra and so I had it removed by the doctor. I had one under my arm but it came off when I was shaving. Anyhow, enough about me. I love your post and never miss one as it's nice to have someone with a refreshingly funny view of life. Observational comedy is truly your calling.

  4. Perhaps that's why they're constantly fiddling and adjusting them! GG

  5. I keep my bloke's bollocks in my handbag. SOLVED.

  6. I have a few skin tags. One of them is on my inside leg and my knicker elastic rubs on it something rotten. I'm going to bung some clear nail varnish on it and starve the bastard of oxygen. See how it likes dem apples!

  7. I'm clearly insane but I'm giggling away at the mental image of how acrobatic sex would have to be if their anatomy were elsewhere. Think about it... (or not)

  8. I am in hysterics at the thought of balls under the armpits... I am so childish.

    As ever a fabulous post by you babes

  9. Dermot Canniffe15 May 2012 at 23:52

    Chortles! :)
    However, genericism - have you ever had a car that wasn't the deluxe model? Did you notice all the buttons on the dashboard that weren't real buttons? Naturally the manufacturer wants to make one dashboard part instead of two. same applies to humans - it's easiest to create a protohuman with proto-sex organs in one place and then deviate slightly after some weeks (male or female) than to have radically different locations. So, if men had their nuts in their lumbar region, ladies, think of all the fun people would be having behind your backs. ;-) And self...er...attention would be like trying to apply sunscreen to your back - incomplete and potentially painful - for both sexes.
    And of course there's the point that anywhere else on the body would be just as precarious, really. The back risks squashage, the sides invite twistage, and the front asks for assault. Having said that i've met more than a few blokes who had their tackle on their forehead.

    Metaphorically speaking. :)

  10. yeah...a Groupon skin tag removal... I have a few too...always where clothes tend to rub, except that horrible one I have behind my knee...It's currently tightly ''tied off'' with cotton at the moment but I'm still waiting for the bugger to drop off


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