Thursday, 3 May 2012

Vote ME for Mayor




So apparently there is a little election thingy going on today (who knew?)

Now, Im sure the candidates are very good.......... (Falls over laughing, seriously, I couldn't write it with a straight face) but they know and I know that the only reason they are even on the ballot paper is because I didn't throw my Philip Treacy in the ring.


I would make a fabulous Mayor. (would I get one of those gold chains? I'm East London, I can rock the bling, although I may have to modify it a bit, add some skulls, couple of swarovskis) purely because I know what Londoners want.

We want MORE copies of The Stylist in stations and we want the bloody tubes to run on time.

But my first law would be to install personal hygiene inspectors on every method of public transport,

My slogan?

If ya got odour you're gonna need another mode-a.....transportation.

because there is no way your stinky self is getting on a train, bus, boat or even CABLE CAR with that lack of attention to personal hygiene.


Get a Kellie Cycle (What, you think we are going to continue to call them Boris Bikes? Er NO) to work. Although I dread to think what your work colleagues would think of your odour by the time you got there. (Not my problem)


Ready to vote for me yet?



Want some more?


Ok, another law I would have to bring in

Removal of all puddles in London.

Am I alone in suffering wet feet as I traipse around the city? I think not. I will invest in massive rolls of absorbent paper (British made OBVS) which will be unrolled to soak up all puddles immediately.

These are the things that the current mayoral candidates haven't even thought of aren't they?

What a waste.


Just a little side note, If I HAD put my name in for Mayor.


I would outlaw rain.


End of.


Don't you wish you could vote for me?



What other new rules would you have wanted me to bring in as your Mayor?


Let me know



Big Fashionista x x



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4 comments

  1. Not quite sure of the phrase Kellie Cycle, makes it sound like your period. How about Big Fashionista Bike?

    I miss my copy of The Stylist since my husband changed jobs and now works in Leicester. can you extend availability that far north please?

    now you have my vote.

    C
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As the new Mayor it is now my duty to ignore all the promises I made while begging you to vote me in ;-)

      Delete
  2. If you could arrange for it to be illegal for gangs of Brit school girls to Jessie J it on the trains into Croydon of an evening I'd be very grateful. A crowded carriage is not back stage at the X factor and I am not charmed by your a capella. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the things I would do to Croydon given half a chance

      Put it this way, guess which way those missiles would be aimed when there was an accidental mis-fire ;-)

      Delete

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