Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Guest Post-Angry Fashionista

Hello Big Fashionista followers, for some unknown reason she has decided to sod off somewhere and leave me in charge. I've already broken stuff, please don't tell her.

Two lines in and I'm struggling. I'm not an actual blogger you see, I've flirted with the idea a few times but to actually sit down and write something. AND for The Big F, the queen of twitter. Oh dear.

Ok, here goes. I painted a toenail. Just the one with some of this BarryM magnetic nail polish to see what all the fuss was about. It looked awesome and I was genuinely excited but then I realised I'm almost 30 and this was not the way grown up men acted. I say I realised, someone at work saw it and called me strange (that happens a lot) and alas my days as a beauty blogger were over before they had even begun. This saddened me as I was all ready for guyliner and manscara galore and unleashing my inner princess.

Yeah, yeah I'm losing you and what you really want to hear me talk about is comics, football and whisky yeah? I'm joking obviously. I'm here to talk about crimes of fashion. I seem to have noticed recently that people are becoming increasingly nice about bad fashion choices and just passing it off as individuality.

WRONG!

I'm all for individuality in your fashion choices but there are certain rules, certain rules you should adhere to! (I'm imagining myself in a Scream movie but about fashion.) I walk around and am just constantly disappointed. From the midweek suits wearing running shoes on the tube to the African print T-shirts that seem to be cropping up on the floppy haired Joey Essex clones.

Yes when the sun has come out I agree we should all take off as many clothes as we can all legally get away with. Although when you team shorts with a tucked in Polo shirt and a pair of patent leather shoes with no socks I find it hard not to drag you by your ears to the local euthanasia clinic and administer the injection myself. Twice. Just in case. Least the rain has forced them to hibernate, for now.

Ladies I'm not letting you get away with it either, I thought these monstrosities had gone away but recently saw an unwelcome return. Firstly velour tracksuits (someone tweeted earlier this week "camel called, it wants its toe back"), second are wonky Uggs (let's wait for the real shuffling Zombie Apocalypse, it's coming) and this will probably go down like a lead balloon remember its only my opinion though and in no way endorsed by Big Fashionista. Fucking Birkenstocks. YUK! Fashion should NOT be comfortable.

On that sweary bombshell I'll apologise for my foul language and ranty behaviour and thank you all for listening to me. Normal service will resume shortly. Remember if you see someone dressed badly it is your DUTY to inform them politely, (as politeness is free) Thus helping the world be a better dressed place. Oh and if you see me dressed badly. Shoot me.

Benny (angry fashionista?)
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11 comments

  1. I'm not sure we should be promoting taking as many clothes off as (legally) possible in the warmer weather; during that week of sun (let's call it Summer 2012) I saw so many burnt, hairy beer bellies that I didn't eat the whole week for fear of bringing it back up. Maybe we should make a rule that anything topless must have at least some muscle lines visible? Please? Make it happen would you?

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    Replies
    1. Good point. I best get down the gym and bulk up then. Lead by example

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  2. I'm loving Angry Fashionista :):) sorry Kellie but you have competition ;) I was struggling to contain my laughter with a mouth full of coffee reading about your flirtation with nail varnish

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! You know when I said that those days where over, not entirely true. Stupid magnetic nail varnish got me again with its sorcery and catchy patterns.

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  3. Shameless plug? Feel free to share fashion horror stories with me on twitter @bennybetteridge
    If you like this of course :)

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  4. I love Angry Fashionista... But I also love Birkenstocks... What is a girl to do?!

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  5. Angry Fashionista <3

    Metallicy nailpolish is pretty damned rubbish tbf.

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  6. Benny, I implore you - blog! Bloody hilarious post, you owe it to all of us that stroll about looking like a dogs dinner. x

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  7. I hereby promise to shoot you if you dress badly *does the brownie promise*

    Please do your own blog Benny, you're hilarious!
    Also please paint the rest of your toenails and take a pic to show us all :D

    xo

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  8. You have to blog!
    You make me laugh out load. :-D

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  9. I agree with many things in this blog post. A lot of people are throwing pieces of clothing together thinking they go when they really don't. There are many websites and blogs out there for great advice, so find them and listen to what is good and what is not!

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