Slugging it out

Now I don't know how the weather is where you are (I have visions of all of you sitting on a beach somewhere, sipping on Pina Coladas, whereas the reality is probably more like you are all sitting in your living room slurping your tepid tea) but here where I am in East London the weather can safely be described as WET. (wetter than a nun reading 50 Shades of Grey)

(Oh don't groan, would you have preferred me to use the term damp or MOIST? You know you wouldn't)


And while us Brits are pretty much used to the rain and having awful washout summers, THIS summer has (now how can I put this delicately) pretty much taken the piss.

And this has caused problems. We have had seepages (NO, I'm not talking about 50 Shades again)  leakages and FLOODING. (Has anyone checked that Rhianna hasn't re-released Umbrella) but the WORST thing about this awful weather?


The absolute worst thing about the weather?


and it is something that has slimed its way under the radar.


SLUGS

That's right, Slugs. Bloody homeless snails slithering their way across everything, like nomads.

They are everywhere at the moment, bloody everywhere.

Note to self, do not repeat the walk across the garden trick of July 4th again. Our American friends may refer to this day as Independence Day, Slugs now refer to it as Footocalypse. (They lost a lot of good slugs that day, and I nearly lost my lunch)



Now I don't know about you, but I am concerned. Concerned that slowly the slugs are taking over the world and no-one has noticed. (I'm hearing stories of slugs even infiltrating Government offices. Surely that is what they mean by slimy politicians?) First it was just one little slug occasionally slithering through my garden, but now it is as if they have invited all of their little sluggy Facebook mates to have a huge garden party. (I must stop leaving beer out for them. I thought I was being nice!)



And this may be just a conspiracy theory but I haven't seen many birds around lately. Are these a new breed of slugs that just headbutt any birds that are stupid enough to try and eat them? Or are they like a sincere apology from Chris Brown and get stuck in their throat.

What else can they be doing?

Slowly sliming every hard surface so that we all slip and fall, break our ankles and end up unable to fight the oncoming Slugaddon? Slugocalypse? (I need to find a better word for the oncoming end of the world)

Ewwwwwwww, and I swear the little bastards are so judgemental, when I catch which ever slug wrote "Clean me" on my kitchen floor is going to get a salt bath so deep they will do a passable impression of an Alka-Seltzer.

So consider yourself warned. Slowly (Ok, very very slowly I admit) Slugs are trying to take over the world


All I can suggest is that you arm yourself with salt and some heavy boots. We are on their turf now. It is a war, their numbers are growing and mother nature is sending reinforcements (Bitch)


AM I alone in noticing more slugs?

There are more around aren't there? Tell me there are.

And tell me what you think, Slugocalypse? Slugageddon?


Can YOU do better?


Let me know.



Big Fashionista x x