Monday, 9 July 2012

Slugging it out

Now I don't know how the weather is where you are (I have visions of all of you sitting on a beach somewhere, sipping on Pina Coladas, whereas the reality is probably more like you are all sitting in your living room slurping your tepid tea) but here where I am in East London the weather can safely be described as WET. (wetter than a nun reading 50 Shades of Grey)

(Oh don't groan, would you have preferred me to use the term damp or MOIST? You know you wouldn't)

And while us Brits are pretty much used to the rain and having awful washout summers, THIS summer has (now how can I put this delicately) pretty much taken the piss.

And this has caused problems. We have had seepages (NO, I'm not talking about 50 Shades again)  leakages and FLOODING. (Has anyone checked that Rhianna hasn't re-released Umbrella) but the WORST thing about this awful weather?

The absolute worst thing about the weather?

and it is something that has slimed its way under the radar.


That's right, Slugs. Bloody homeless snails slithering their way across everything, like nomads.

They are everywhere at the moment, bloody everywhere.

Note to self, do not repeat the walk across the garden trick of July 4th again. Our American friends may refer to this day as Independence Day, Slugs now refer to it as Footocalypse. (They lost a lot of good slugs that day, and I nearly lost my lunch)

Now I don't know about you, but I am concerned. Concerned that slowly the slugs are taking over the world and no-one has noticed. (I'm hearing stories of slugs even infiltrating Government offices. Surely that is what they mean by slimy politicians?) First it was just one little slug occasionally slithering through my garden, but now it is as if they have invited all of their little sluggy Facebook mates to have a huge garden party. (I must stop leaving beer out for them. I thought I was being nice!)

And this may be just a conspiracy theory but I haven't seen many birds around lately. Are these a new breed of slugs that just headbutt any birds that are stupid enough to try and eat them? Or are they like a sincere apology from Chris Brown and get stuck in their throat.

What else can they be doing?

Slowly sliming every hard surface so that we all slip and fall, break our ankles and end up unable to fight the oncoming Slugaddon? Slugocalypse? (I need to find a better word for the oncoming end of the world)

Ewwwwwwww, and I swear the little bastards are so judgemental, when I catch which ever slug wrote "Clean me" on my kitchen floor is going to get a salt bath so deep they will do a passable impression of an Alka-Seltzer.

So consider yourself warned. Slowly (Ok, very very slowly I admit) Slugs are trying to take over the world

All I can suggest is that you arm yourself with salt and some heavy boots. We are on their turf now. It is a war, their numbers are growing and mother nature is sending reinforcements (Bitch)

AM I alone in noticing more slugs?

There are more around aren't there? Tell me there are.

And tell me what you think, Slugocalypse? Slugageddon?

Can YOU do better?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x



  1. Apparently there are more sround than normal as the weather has created perfect conditions for them. Bleurgh. There was a MASSIVE one on our kitchen floor the other day. Minging. And how do they get in?!!

    1. Apparently they are slippery little buggers;)

      I really don't like the idea of slug burglars though! Ewwwwwww

  2. Oh yuk. I found a slug trail across the back door mat this morning but no slug! Wtf! Makes me shudder. Had slippers on tho fortunately. The dogs'll sniff the little gooey git out. Have a sticky (oo er) day xxx ♥♥♥

    1. beware of lugworm, fatal to dogs and they get it from slugs

  3. Oh yuk. I found a slug trail across the back door mat this morning but no slug! Wtf! Makes me shudder. Had slippers on tho fortunately. The dogs'll sniff the little gooey git out. Have a sticky (oo er) day xxx ♥♥♥

    1. Ooo errrr indeed;)

      My cats think they are chew toys. Vomits

  4. They're bloody everywhere! About 5 meet up each night on our door step. One made it inside the door.... UGH!

    1. Slugfest 2012 is on and they've spread the word (and the slime)

  5. OMG i hate slugs. They freak me out. Probably because they remind me if leeches and i can't see their faces.

  6. They are little buggers this year - they are everywhere and have eaten everything in my garden. They laugh in the face of slug pellets, so I have had to give up on growing veggies this year :0(

  7. Eugh, so glad to hear it's not just my garden - we must have hundreds of them so you're not alone! Horrible things. Bring on the salt x

  8. only 2 slugs spotted in my garden, instead I have literally hundreds of snails. Hundreds, but they are nowhere to be seen when it is dry, where do they go as within minutes of the rain they are back, sneaky feckers!

  9. Where the hell are the French when you need them? Aren't they meant to be eating these goddamn things? Good thing salt is cheap and in plentiful abundance!

  10. I haven't noticed any more slugs than usual but the weather's so bad here they probably aren't even getting a chance to slither before they're rained on.

    And DAMN you for using that M word that rhymes with hoist. UGHHH.

  11. I seem t have the slug equivalent of Las Vegas happening on my front steps. There are kabillions of them.
    I found how to deter them though, I got a load of rock salt (normally used when it snows) and put that round the bottom step, now they slither through it and melt.
    The word will get out soon so they will hopefully just ignore my house from now on :)

  12. There are hundreds in my garden, and, disturbingly, some in my house. Secret squirrel type slugs, I find the trail on the carpet in the mornings but I've only ever found one slug (which I destroyed of course). Ewwww.


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