Thursday, 19 July 2012

Three little words




Nothing strikes fear in my heart more than THOSE three little words.

And no I'm not talking about "I love you" Those words are actually lovely to hear. (soppy mare that I am)

The words that I cannot stand are "Forgive and forget"

Just three little words that trip off the tongue easily.


but like a lot of words they are so much easier to say than actually do.


And if someone lets you down, hurts you or lies to you, at one stage it is always down to you to decide whether you can get over it or not.

It becomes less about what they did to you and becomes more about whether you can be the bigger person and "forgive and forget"

The problem is I'm not sure if I can be that sort of person

I'm friendly, warm, loving and I am fiercely loyal (I'd make a wonderful pet wouldn't I?)

but if you screw up?





I don't hold a grudge, I really don't. but if someone lets me down (and occasionally it does happen. I know shocker right?) I don't know whether I have it in me to forgive and forget. What I can and will do is walk away without even a backwards glance.



What would you do? Are you a forgive and forget sort of person?

Do you nod and agree at the words of Buddha

"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one that gets burned.


Or do you think Buddha was talking crap and you can hold a grudge until the end of time or until you hold their cold dead heart in your hands (and whatever comes first is okay with you)




Let me know.




Big Fashionista x x



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21 comments

  1. I can quite happily let go and not feel the anger anymore BUT does not mean I have forgiven or forgotton... Depends really on the other person. Have they apologised? Did they actually mean it? (big one - have been seriously hurt by people who have said sorry but you just know it's not sincere...) I don't bother wasting my time with those people anymore. I think Buddha would understand....

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  2. I'm a forgive and forget person because my head isn't big enough to give house room to grudges...

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  3. I'm an elephant - I never forget.

    I can't help it. Even if I've decided something doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and it would do me better to get over it, I cannot forget it! My other half says that during an argument I don't get hysterical, I get historical; it's a very accurate statement for me.

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  4. If I have an issue with anyone or anything, I'll deal with it. Quickly and as painlessly as possible. However I'm blessed (or perhaps cursed?) with a photographic memory. I remember dates, times, places and full conversations in exact detail.

    This makes forgetting hard to do. Forgiving is easier as I like to try and justify that person's actions, there's usually a reason behind what they said or did. Its the forgetting that's the problem!

    I don't let it cloud my head for more than a day or so though, after that it's filed away.

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  5. If I have an issue with anyone or anything, I'll deal with it. Quickly and as painlessly as possible. However I'm blessed (or perhaps cursed?) with a photographic memory. I remember dates, times, places and full conversations in exact detail.

    This makes forgetting hard to do. Forgiving is easier as I like to try and justify that person's actions, there's usually a reason behind what they said or did. Its the forgetting that's the problem!

    I don't let it cloud my head for more than a day or so though, after that it's filed away.

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  6. I've never had anything THAT BAD done to me to worry about. Just a few messy breakups that were prob made worse by me being an utter mentalist.
    I have exes on FB etc now that I didn't get over for years, but now I'm married etc. they mean nothing to me, so I sort of just forgive any nonsense went on.

    I'm actually struggling to think of someone in my life that I haven't forgiven for something over time. There's a few girls I have forgiven for being mentalists, but certainly wouldn't go anywhere near them to tell them so, cause they are still headmelters.

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  7. I must add that asking for forgiveness is quite tricky.

    I was a wild partier before I got married and during a split with my now husband he went out with this other girl.
    Well we all ended up at a party one night and I drunkenly laid into her. I insulted her, and even tried to hit her.

    A few months later, incidentally now-husband dumped me for doing that to that girl, I met up with her in a club.
    I asked her for a chat, and she graciously accepted. She owed me nothing but she let me apologise and I told her how mortified I was about how I'd acted. She forgave me.


    I stopped drinking before husband and I got married (strangely we never rowed since, wonder why) and now we are both friends with her. It was such a weight off my shoulders to have her accept my apology.


    Btw don't unfollow me or anything. I'm only a dickhead when I drink, and I don't drink.

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  8. I just cannot forgive, or forget. I find it much easier to forget the person who wronged me in the first place. My memory is just too good.

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  9. I've forgiven many times, but I cannot forget. And I don't think you should. There is just one person who I have given up forgiving, because he abuses that favour and just repeatedly offends again. You need to remember so you don't end up being a doormat.

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  10. My one true love in life is Vengeance. Woe be unto those that mess with me. Sic Semper Tyrannus. Nemo Me Impune Lacessit.

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  11. Buddha was obviously not a Sicilian! Revenge is dish best served cold.

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  12. I will bury the hatchet but I will always mark the spot!!

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  13. Christianity is famous for teaching its followers to 'turn the other cheek'. A disciple asks Jesus how often should you forgive someone, "Seven times?" Jesus answers "Seventy times seven!" (which translates as 'unlimited number of times')

    It's a pretty hard lesson to follow though. I'd start to think they were taking the piss a lot sooner than seven times even, although if someone is genuinely sorry, I would try and forgive - harder to forget,as others have said, but certainly possible. As long as they know they have done wrong.

    Bearing and grudge and staying angry at someone who doesn't acknowledge their wrongdoing and is hurtful only to yourself (like your Bhudda quote). Moving on and away from someone who doesn't actually care and has caused disappointment/pain is healthier.

    Forgiveness has to be a two-way thing for it to work properly.

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  14. I will hold a grudge for life. Sorry to say!

    I can move past things, but I will never forgive and forget. Once someone has fucked me over, they don't get an in again.

    I hate my trampy cousin because she bit me when she was 3, cow. My best friend (til I was 9) did something... I don't remember what... But I now despise her. I'm sure I had a good reason at the time! And any man who's ever been a dick to me better watch his.

    Exit stage right - Ritzi Cortez, judgemental bitch.

    RCx

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  15. I wish I was a forgive and forget person, but I can't say that I am! I can forgive, but I seldom forget. I don't necessarily hold a grudge, but if someone upsets me, I will always remember. Which makes me think can you ever fully forgive someone if you can't forget? It's a very confusing topic! x

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  16. If someone seriously wrongs me I cut them out of my life without a backwards glance.

    I don't hold onto the anger as its a waste of time I just forget they exist, it's much easier than having negative drama causing people in my life.

    This has even extended as far as my own sister, we've fallen out time and time again because of the way she treats me, uses me and let's me down and I kept giving her chances BECAUSE she's my sister but it made no difference, she kept doing it. She's holding onto anger and comtinuing to cause trouble but I'm over it, I've let it go and my life is so much easier without her in it.

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  17. i cant do either, forgiving or fogetting just isnt something i can do,i push it to one side, but it will always be there in my head. my brother treats me awfully, but because hes my brother i have too "forget" i never do, i give second chances, 3rd or 4th even, but i never forget, or forgive.

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  18. Good question, when it comes to people who have behaved badly toward me I have an exceptionally good memory. Ask me what I had for dinner yesterday, not a clue , ask me about someone who once acted like a tool to me and I'll give you their full name, the date and a blow by blow account.
    I'm trying to let it go a bit more now, or as much as my Italian heritage will allow, because I do think if you're not going to address an issue with the person and resolve it hanging on to anger does just hurt you. There's no point stewing over anger when the person you're angry with has no idea!
    Was there a point? Erm I think it depends what they've done, if they're a total asshat then just cut em out and try not to give them a second thought. If they're worth it tell them your issue and see how it goes. I once had someone tell me they felt really bad for something that they had done 5 years previously completely out of the blue and I told them that yeah it had annoyed me and now I wasn't caring. So I think it depends on the person, if someone is willing to apologise ill usually listen.
    :)

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  19. I either forgive and forget what the person has done OR NEVER forgive them and foget them as a friend.

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  20. for me it depends. I was willing to give my ex another go but thinking things through I knew I could never forgive NOR forget so kicked him to the kerb

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