Thursday, 16 August 2012

Sexual healing PART TWO




So about a year ago I wrote a post about sexual mishaps.


Sexidents if you will.


Now it really wasn't my words that was the funniest part of the blog post (cries a little)


It was the comments. I asked you for examples of sexual "accidents" that either you or *cough* a "friend" *cough* had experienced.


Sexual Healing Part ONE

and man oh man you did NOT let me down.


From ripped out nipple rings, biting down in a place you really shouldn't, to Yoda impressions while reaching orgasm, mmmm, coming, I am (not strictly speaking an accident but funny as HELL) you guys had me literally in stitches (a bit like one of the commenters I'm sure)

And the best part of this post is that I positively encourage anon comments.

There have been FAR too many spiteful anons lately so let's use the power of Anon for the reason it was invented, to let people laugh at our expense without having to reveal our true identity.


So I want to know about your sexual mishaps, anything that went wrong,


Today I need a laugh.


Don't let me down.



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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20 comments

  1. On one of my first ever sexual encounters with my now husband I was in full seduction mode. Think burlesque mixed with seedy stripper mode. I was feeling it.
    I'd bought a very special pair of aptly named Red Stripper shoes (jesus they were ridiculous looking back)
    Anyway I had my black feather maribou fan, my red stripper shoes, a slash of red lipstick and that was the height of it.
    The music was turned on, my husband was relaxed on the bed ready for the show.... and I didn't disappoint.

    I'd slithered right down along the door (for support you see) and upon gliding *ahem* back up (remembering to stick my arse out in a very sexy manner *facepalm*) it was all going so well, so I decided to give him a back view.....

    Turned and promptly went over on my ankle, landed on the floor boobs akimbo, crying from mortification but trying to make it look like I was laughing.

    I must have looked Psychotic.....

    We still laugh about it and I've just given those heels away....

    Best thing was we had to go to the pub that night to see friends, I hobbled (with hubby's support) the whole way and the colour of my face when they asked what happened...

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was more of an observation than a personal experience but I went to a job with 2 patients....during the throws of passion his prince Albert and her labia piercing had become entwined. She came off worse but both were in pain and red faced.....love my job!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I once dated a girl and during a particularly energetic bout of cowgirl I thrusted into her a tad too hard. We were out of rhythmn and my pink torpedo kind of 'chafed' her labia resulting in a small tear.

    This caused a steady stream of claret to spew forth from her and a change in her complexion which mimicked Edward Cullen's.

    I had to carry her to the bathroom and clean her up and said exertions left a scar. At least she'll always remember me. Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am rather well endowed in the chesticle department and one boyfriend (my first, bless him) we'd gotten all gymnastic (we were young) and I was on my back with my legs up round my ears. Unfortunately, I also had a large pillow under my head, resulting in my boobs being squished into my face, blocking my airway and causing me to pass out. What's more worrying is that he didn't actually notice for a while...I guess I must be a quiet one...

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  5. The first night at uni a girl on my landing was having such vigorous drunken sex with a lad she'd pulled at the union that they managed to break her bed frame. She thought it was SO HYSTERICAL that she had to go and tell her friend on the floor below immediately. She fled the room pissed, giggling and stark bollock naked, ran the length of the corridor to the old wooden staircase at which point she slipped bounced all the way to the bottom managing to crack her head open and fracture her arm...

    She then proceeded to wake up the entire building screeching like a naked bloodied banshee!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Me and my hubby were just starting to get down to it and he was standing behind me. He bent over to kiss the back of my neck just as I threw my head back. One busted nose lots of blood and neither of us were in the mood anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Back in my uni days, my boyfriend and I had gone to his classmates' house for a party. Got happily merry and we were due to sleep in the lounge on a blow up bed.

    Seeing that we had an open fire, we took advantage and got down to some very energetic and noisy sex.

    Didn't think anymore about it til the following day when I walked into our computer lab to a 30man strong rendition of Relight My Fire.

    What we took to be a large decorative wall hanging turned out to be a blanket dividing the lounge from the dining room, where one of the guys slept...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Back in my uni days, my boyfriend and I had gone to his classmates' house for a party. Got happily merry and we were due to sleep in the lounge on a blow up bed.

    Seeing that we had an open fire, we took advantage and got down to some very energetic and noisy sex.

    Didn't think anymore about it til the following day when I walked into our computer lab to a 30man strong rendition of Relight My Fire.

    What we took to be a large decorative wall hanging turned out to be a blanket dividing the lounge from the dining room, where one of the guys slept...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Back in my uni days, my boyfriend and I had gone to his classmates' house for a party. Got happily merry and we were due to sleep in the lounge on a blow up bed.

    Seeing that we had an open fire, we took advantage and got down to some very energetic and noisy sex.

    Didn't think anymore about it til the following day when I walked into our computer lab to a 30man strong rendition of Relight My Fire.

    What we took to be a large decorative wall hanging turned out to be a blanket dividing the lounge from the dining room, where one of the guys slept...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Back in my uni days, my boyfriend and I had gone to his classmates' house for a party. Got happily merry and we were due to sleep in the lounge on a blow up bed.

    Seeing that we had an open fire, we took advantage and got down to some very energetic and noisy sex.

    Didn't think anymore about it til the following day when I walked into our computer lab to a 30man strong rendition of Relight My Fire.

    What we took to be a large decorative wall hanging turned out to be a blanket dividing the lounge from the dining room, where one of the guys slept...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Having sex one time with a full bladder and instead of cum, I ended up filling my lady friend with a veritable flood of warm pee.
    Despite the resultant mess, it turned out that we both actually really enjoyed the sensation!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Me and my other half have allways had a fruitful sex life, and have had lots of mishaps over the years.

    One time I was on my back legs round his shoulders in full swing of things and he decided he wanted to suck my toe!! I am super super super ticklish when it comes to my feet and once he had persuaded me it would be nice I let him do it and automatically kicked him in the face!!! Eeeeeeeeee!!

    Let's say it spoilt the mood!

    Haha!

    Em

    X

    ReplyDelete
  13. I once had a brief fling with a another girl who made me sit on the edge of her bed whilst she swung her humungous boobs so they slapped me round the face! Needless to say I didn't see her again - and you think it's guys who are weird?!

    ReplyDelete
  14. My friend and a random girl had lesbian sex at a party when I was about 16. My friend, lets call her charlotte (because that is her name), woke in the morning with no recollection at all.

    I told her she had lesbian sex in the kitchen when they thought everyone was asleep, and she was adamant she couldn't have because she was on her period. She ran to the bathroom and lone behold the tampon she had been wearing in the night was missing.

    It was lying on the kitchen floor as we made a quick exit. Flashbacks started a while later and she remembered receiving oral sex. No words for that level of gross.

    ReplyDelete
  15. a boy I knew pulled some girl in freshers week at uni. He took her back to his dorm and they fooled about a bit. He gave her an orgasm from oral and then needed a drink so let her recuperate while he went to get one. Obviously expecting sex when he got back.

    He was halfway to the shared kitchen when someone in the passage started freaking out and shoved him to a mirror. He had blood all around his mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I told my friend about the guy in freshers week and he told me a similar thing had happened to him.

    This is mostly just funny though. He had sex with a girl in the dark and when he got the light to go to the bathroom he noticed there was blood all over him. He freaked out and was like "omg there is blood" and she just shrugged and said "well, yeah I'm on my period".

    He was completely livid she hadn't told him because he felt it was gross and his bed sheets were covered apparently. So he kind of wiped the blood on to his hand from his bits and like splashed it in her face and said "dirty bitch get out my bed". Like leaving a splash of her own blood on her face like some kind of disgusting zorro type marking.


    I don't know, maybe only I find that funny.

    ReplyDelete
  17. (anon even though it's so obvious who wrote this)
    My friend was at a party and his friend and him were chatting up this girl. They realised they were both hitting on her so decided to try get a threesome out of it. All the girls were like "no way that will work, women don't just have threesomes with two random men". This one did.

    The two of them completely mortal tried to have a threesome. Only they realised quite quick that they couldn't stay aroused watching their best mate get a blow job while they had sex with some girl. So one of them said he would just watch (like this would help) and yeah he did. Then he left because it was weird. But not before they attempted a spit roast again.

    I mean that's not really a sexual accident because it worked out quite well for all involved, but it's definitely weird.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I hope I remember to hit anonymous when I've said what I'm going to! NEVER have sex on poppers on your period. My fella and I were at Download and I thought I'd finished my period. I'm older and my hubby is younger and a tad less worldly wise, so I decided to buy a bottle of poppers. We got shitfaced, did poppers, then had a shag. At some point hubby realised things were not as they should be, and we stopped and looked around. There was claret EVERYWHERE. It was splashed all up the sides of the tent, all over the floor, all over him and gushing out of me. It was a fucking blood bath! I don't know if you've ever tried getting blood out of your pubes with wet wipes, but it's not fun.

    Needless to say I haven't indulged in poppers since and it's an interesting story to tell :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I met a girl at a party and ended up taking her home with me. Among other things, I ended up giving her one up the erm.... tradesman's entrance. All jolly good fun until I finished and removed my little policeman from her back doors, at which point she let out the longest, smelliest and loudest fart I'd ever witnessed in my life. I felt bad saying anything, so instead suggested I open the windows as it was rather warm in there. Made no difference; the pong stayed in the room for quite a while and spoiled the mood somewhat.

    ReplyDelete

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