Wednesday, 26 September 2012

A special guest post from the heart.

We all write our blogs for different reasons. Sometimes for fun, sometimes to share a serious message. For whatever reasons we do it, sometimes when things are hard, we do it because the act of writing things down can be therapeutic.

Today I want to share with you a special guest post from someone I call a friend.

She wanted to share something that she is going through at this very moment.

She wanted to write it down and I truly understand that. She would like to at this stage be anonymous and I respect that. But please, leave her some love and encouragement and show her that she is not alone at this time.

Thank you

Big Fashionista x x

Today I found out that my mum had cancer.

My mum who for the last 38 years of my life has been invincible. A true matriarch, she is everyone’s rock and comfort.

She had a recall after a mammogram and before me, I saw her shrink. She wasn’t the strong woman I always see, but actually a rather small and scared lady. This pains me so much.

We all jollied her along, said “it would probably be all fine” but no, the devastating news came through. She has breast cancer.

The good news (ha, like cancer is good?) according to the consultant is that it is contained in one breast and hasn’t spread and the bad news is that it is 3cm. It wasn’t present at her last mammogram 3 years ago so we are not sure how long it has been there.

She has an appointment next week at the Royal Marsden and we will then find out more. They are saying that at this stage she needs an operation to remove the cancer and then radiotherapy until Christmas.

My dad is in bits, a real tough Londoner, he was crying like a baby. AS for my mum, well she is scared shitless and she looks so vulnerable, so tiny. My brother, he has retreated into his cave and isn’t taking my calls.

I am devastated. We lost my mums dad to cancer and what he went through at the end was horrific. I know this is playing on my mums mind but she won’t even say the C word let alone articulate it.

I guess we are all in shock, I don’t know what to do, how to support her. I just keep hugging my kids tight and telling them “I love them so SO much”. They know something is up but my mum has asked that they don’t know. I am walking around with my usual big grin, but inside I am dying.

I’ve resolved that I am going to be MY mums rock now. It is my turn to look after her but to be honest, I don’t even know where to start.

Cancer. Life sucks sometimes.



  1. I don't normally leave links in others posts but I hope Kellie doesn't mind. I've had to be my mothers rock for the majority of my teenage years and still to this day really.
    I thought this might give you hope? It is possible to move through this and onwards.
    Part 1 My Mum's Story
    Part 2 My Story

    Know that you're not alone and whomever you are, you and yours are in my thoughts.

  2. Gah- that really does suck. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I send you hugs, love and strength. Thinking of you xxx

  3. Sending you all the love and prayers I have to give. xx

  4. This is a carbon copy of what happened to my mum almost 3 years to the day . Yesterday she got another 6 month all clear mammogram. Catching it early really is the key. My thoughts are with you and know hat cancer doesn't win everytime :-).

  5. My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer June this year. He is 80 though, so refusing all treatment. His argument being at his age he doesn't want the prodding & poking from the doctors. We have to respect his wishes but its not easy.
    I completely relate to how your view of your parents change. 7 years ago my Mom was taken in to hospital (not cancer) with COPD. She was on life support & we were told they were switching it off because of how long she'd been on it. My Dad crumbled. At that point he went from being my Dad to a frail, vulnerable old man. It's hard to explain, but it's like something's switches in your eyes?
    I really hope your Mom is ok. She has her age on her side & the fact it hasn't spread. Sending you much love & support. Andy.

  6. Firstly, thank you SO much for Kellie for hosting this for me, my mum has asked for me not to tell anyone/blog etc and I really needed an outlet. Secondly, thank you ALL for taking the time to read and comment, it really means a lot to me and there is some superb advice that I will be following up, it is really good to know there are so many positive stories out there and it really has helped to give me some clarity.

    Thank you all again so much xxxx

  7. My mum had cancer and my biggest advice is to be there for her everyday - be it going to appointments with her, making her a cuppa and sitting with her watching TV, the littlest things... she won't necessarily want to talk about it all the time but she will want love and support and knowing that you are there for her - even if she pretends she doesn't want you to be - is the most important thing. Secondly, make sure you and your family talk about it together - don't block it out, suffer in silence and pretend it's not happening. It will make all your lives easier if you all support each other. Lots of luck and I hope your mum will be okay.

  8. This has really struck a chord with me. Several weeks back my Dad was diagnosed with cancer (I refuse to give it a big c). He has aged devastatingly since we got the news and the whole family are up in the air.
    We're waiting on results this Friday to see the extent of the damage and fight it with everything we've got.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone else that has had to face this bastarding disease. Stay strong xx

  9. Stay strong, sending you hugs xxx

  10. I could have written this. My amazing, strong, beautiful, capable, smart and sassy mum has also just been diagnosed with cancer. Today I heard her say for the first time, 'I have breast cancer' and I felt my heart shatter. I think she felt it too.

    Like you, my mum wants noone to know so I have no outlet other than my husband (who's just lost his grandad so is reeling a little himself) and my sister who copes with things in a different way. I'm being strong and focussing on my three incredible children but I want to curl up on the floor and scream at how unfair it is.

    I also want to be my mum's rock as my big tough dad is also falling apart. Mum's diagnosis is much the same - contained in one breast, but two tumours/lumps so it needs to be a mastectomy in a few weeks' time followed by whatever they deem best. They seem positive and, like your mum, they think it's been caught early which, I'm told, is the best possible start to this truly shitty journey.

    For what it's worth, stay strong for her, crumble in private when you need to, but remain positive. It's trite but they really can do amazing things medically these days and the outlook for breast cancer now is light years away from what it used to mean. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best, and stick together. That will mean more to your mum than anything else. In the meantime, I send you a teeth-grittinglynstrong hug, understanding every single thing you're thinking and feeling. Look after yourself, my love and take things a day at a time.

    1. Hi Steph,

      Very similar situation. If you want to email me please get in touch via Kellie who obviously knows who I am!

      It's now a week on, first appointment at the Marsden is Thursday, I have my "battle armour" on but my parents are just still in bits. Mum isn't even wanting to know what type or grade it is. She won't say the C word and isn't sleeping. Love, strength and prayer to all of your family.

  11. I'm sending you lots of love and strength for you and your family. We are all here for you! x

  12. My mom got diagnosed with Cancer a while back too. She has a hospital appointment next month, where we are expecting her to be declared 18 months cancer free!!

    When we first found out it was quite overwhelming. With the biggest feeling being that this was the beginning of the end, a death sentence. Thing is it wasn't. Over 2 years later and she is still here, going strong. I won't deny it has been hard for everyone, but not the finality we feared. I have written some thoughts on this too... but found the best support from macmillan and cancer research uk. Check them out.

  13. I have been typing this message in response for weeks ... trying to find the words to articulate to tell you how sorry I am for your mum and you and your family going through such a difficult time ... but there was nothing i could find to say other than the above untill .. i found myself in a somewhat similiar situation to yours...

    seven weeks ago my mum was admitted to hospital after numerous tests ... we were told on Tuesday 2nd October that mum has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma ... she cried said she was scared my dad (a man who never cries) started to cry .. my older sister (a nurse who barely ever cries) burst into tears ... and here was me someone who cries constantly when others cry or when theres sad news on the news programs ... i couldnt cry .. I wouldnt cry .. instead i passed mum some tissues and held onto her hand .. the youngest in the family suddenly become the ROCK

    since then i cry upstairs in my room in the shower any alone time i get I use it wisely to cry alone, in public and at home with my sister and dad i remain positive and upbeat .. mum is worried about loosing her hair she has been told its chemo and medication but currently in the ward there is no beds available so shes stuck on a surgical ward

    so what wise words of comfort do i have to share with you ... continue to be positive, your strength will power your mum to be strong and fight this awful cancer ... I know when my mum looks to me all i keep telling her is "you are going to kick this cancers ass and then some" to which she smiles and nods.

    I pray for you and your mum and family x x


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