Monday, 17 September 2012

Is "mummy porn" just porn lite?





There are a lot of things out there in the world that annoy me.

Autumn spiders that decide to spin their web across doorways so that you run around screaming "There is a spider in my hair, there is a spider in my HAIR"  They annoy me.

Kerry Katona annoys me so much my teeth actually itch when I think about her for more than twenty seconds at a time,

and the term "Mummy porn" sends me into a frenzy of annoyance so strong that only wine, Ed Sheeran and a  quick frig in the bathroom can calm me down. (I think I may delete that last part) 

"Mummy porn" Making porn mainstream since 2012. 

Except it isn't making it mainstream is it? The term just seems to make it patronising,

"Oh bless her heart, look, she's reading "mummy porn" well that's okay then"it isn't as if she is doing anything wrong, it's "mummy porn" not REAL porn"

"Mummy porn" seems to refer to romantic books with SOME sex in them, as opposed to a woman being fisted by a horse or whatever on earth happens in these porn stories that I have never, ever read not even once. Honest guv'nor. (My keyword searches from now on are never going to be the same are they?) 

"Mummy porn" is the acceptable face of porn it seems. We are allowed to read "mummy porn" but perhaps REAL porn would be a little strong for our delicate constitutions so we are better off just sticking to porn lite

Now some of you may be aware that I used to write erotic fiction for print, Scarlet Magazine (May it rest in peace) Jade and For Women. I was allowed to use the C word and everything (I made my mother so proud) but writing "mummy porn" seems like a hell of a lot of fun.

So let's give it a go.



Delicately she laid back on the silk sheets, breathless with anticipation. she felt moist "down there" Her pink lips parted and breathlessly she anticipated his next move.

She licked her lips breathlessly and panted slightly as he began to stroke her thigh with his hand, his hardness began to rub against her thigh and her breath was taken from her as his love muscle began to grow bigger and bigger. The dampness in her love tunnel was growing and she leant over to whisper in his ear "' 'ere babe, get off me, I'm desperate for a pee and Eastenders is on in a minute, If you're that desperate have a wank and then I can get my pyjamas on and go to bed straight after"

The End.


Mummy porn at its finest don't you think?


All jokes aside, does anyone else find the term "mummy porn" offensive?

Why can't we just all share the same porn?

I don't want my own type of porn thanks, and I certainly don't want to be fobbed off with "mummy porn"


How about you?


Let me know



Big Fashionista x x



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11 comments

  1. If porn is pandering to your deepest hidden fantasies, a true Mummy Porn story would be "She lay down between the soft sheets that gently caressed her body. Then she went to sleep and slept soundly for eight hours."

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    Replies
    1. Oh you know what us women are like, we'd want ten ;-)

      And a bit

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  2. Great post - couldn't agree more!

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  3. Mummy porn. Not to be confused with MILF porn.
    No, I don't know where I'm going with this comment either, so I'd better just say that I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree and leave it at that.

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  4. Love this! I prefer the term 'gateway porn'. Women start off with a harmless 50 shades book before escalating into some XXXXXX hardcore stuff that gets them addicted and flagged on google search.

    Love this blog x(xx)

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  5. I reckon all those people calling Fifty Shades and the like porn would probably run for the hills if a porn movie showed on their TV!

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  6. hahah it annoys me too!!great post!xx

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  7. Great post! I would rather read a good old erotic book, I have nor will never read this 'mummy porn' SNORE I would rather have a tin of roses and a nice long sleep.

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  8. Mummy porn to me sounds wrong! Because Mum's can be any age, and now Im imagining my nan getting off on this porny book..........(Off to therapy I go!)

    Thanks kellie :)..........Fucking Mummy Porn!

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  9. More pigeon holing (not a sex act) going on here me thinks. everyone just has to have their place it seems. God forbid we should all be free to read or do what the hell we please (within the confines of the law, two consenting adults blah blah blah). Or is it porn with mummies in it?? Hmmmm.

    ReplyDelete

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