Monday, 5 November 2012

Cock and Ball



I'm a bit of a fan of "Erotic" fiction. In fact, you may, or may not know that I used to write for Scarlet magazine, back in the day. (Dig out your old copies from under the bed, check me out)

But there is one thing that really grinds my gears about erotic fiction of any type and that is the word, MEMBER!

Member?!?!?!


Really?

And not only do they use the word member, they then pre-fix it with a word like THROBBING, or pulsating.


Ewwwwwwww. Instant turn-off. I don't care how hot your plot is, if you use the word member in your fiction, there is fuck all erotic about it. (Are you listening Ms James?)

But it got me thinking.... (Yes, I said thinking)

Exactly how many words can we come up with that are BETTER than member?


We have the run of the mill,

Cock

Willy


We have the slightly more "out there",

One-eyed trouser snake

Python (as in, I'm off to drain the..)


But can you come up with any more?


And feel free to add any pre-fixes you wish, that are NOT throbbing, or pulsating.


What ya got?



Let me know
(Wonders if I am going to regret this one)



Big Fashionista x x







Posted by

41 comments:

  4. Schlong. It's what guys who think they have big ones call their old boys. Apparently.

    ReplyDelete

  5. 'flesh flute'

    OK now I'm Googleing slang terms for lap rocket and it's getting out of hand...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. FLESH FLUTE? You've made my night. Also with lap rocket.

      Delete

  6. How did we forget tallywhacker?!

    ReplyDelete

  7. Prick - as in what the love sausage is attached to....

    ReplyDelete

  8. "throbbing member" always makes me laugh, especially if it's written from the woman's point of view. HOW DOES SHE KNOW IT'S THROBBING? After all, they don't exactly pulsate do they? Although come to think of it, it might be quite nice if they did.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Well they sort of do at the moment of.. *gets coat and goes home*

      Delete

  9. Pump-action custard chucker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    2. Hahahahahahaha..... I nearly did a wee!

      Delete

    3. I did :-/ Where are my tena? roflllllllll

      Delete

  10. Knob, dick or penis (that's my least favourite one, penis!)

    ReplyDelete

  11. Haha I like anons answer! Pump action custard chucker. Although if mine looked like custard I'd be straight down the clinic to get checked out!!
    Personally I just like cock (the word, I'm not declaring my preference lol)

    ReplyDelete

  12. Love this post!!! I'm so with you, member, what the hell is that all about. And pair it with MOIST, urrrrrrggghhh.

    ReplyDelete

  13. Pink clarinet
    One-eyed milkman
    Custard cannon
    Organ
    Sausage
    Man-meat
    Meat and 2 veg
    Mini-me
    The colonel
    Captain fantastic
    Rocket Lolly
    And of course, the number one synonym for a huge penis: Piers Morgan.

    ReplyDelete

  14. Bald-headed champion

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  15. Well, I found out on our recent holiday that a certain older gentleman calls his George pmsl

    ReplyDelete

  16. lol......this is soooo funny!I can't think of one name I am laughing so hard!!

    J
    http://www.lifelovesand.blogspot.ie/

    ReplyDelete

  17. Oh gods, I just snorted coffee everywhere! Some of these are totally hilarious :D

    ReplyDelete

  19. I've always called mine: The Purple Oboe.

    ReplyDelete

  20. Of course, there is the old name of: John Thomas. It originates from D.H. Lawrence's novel, Lady Chatterley's Lover.

    ReplyDelete

  21. Pecker? I've heard Elder use that one before.
    Loving some of these btw x

    ReplyDelete

  22. The comment from anonymous made me laugh. I worked for a professor called John Thomas. When he got Knighted he suddenly developed a middle name rather than be Sir John Thomas.

    ReplyDelete

  23. What ever happened to good old winky?

    ReplyDelete

  24. In India Knight's book Comfort and Joy I think (book not to hand, wine taken) she had a character called Dave who called his... Little Dave.

    ReplyDelete

  26. Purple-headed People Poker

    ReplyDelete

  27. Spam javelin, meat-seeking pissile and pink Darth Vader are my favourite ones. IN fact, I think those ones are so great, you'll all be hard-pushed to find funnier ones...

    ReplyDelete

  28. How about a pulsating pork sword? How's that for hot?

    These are amazing comments.

    It's interesting that you mention Scarlet magazine because it was only yesterday I googled " what happened to Scarlet magazine" after trying to hunt it down for the past few months. I've been sub'd to you for a while and had no idea you wrote for Scarlet. That mag was lot's of fun and is greatly missed.

    ReplyDelete

  29. The Big One!!!!!

    http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?296388-Huge-list-of-names-for-your-Penis

    ReplyDelete

  30. Todger, beef bayonet, pork sword

    ReplyDelete

  32. Purple root......

    ReplyDelete

  33. in erotic fiction I like simplicity, an nice big dick or cock will do me fine, in real life too to be frank, been a while now!

    ReplyDelete

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