Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Dear Jeremy Kyle.

Dear Jeremy Kyle,

I think that I may need to bring my family onto your show.

Since my sister met her husband, things have changed.

Before my sister got married she worked, (a little) but now she just lives off state handouts, she doesn't pay rent, and I have never seen her in the same clothes twice!!  (Dodgy or what?) Her husband is ok. but he disappears quite a bit and no-one seems to know where he is exactly. He says he is going "on a mission" and we all know what that means Jeremy, don't we? Don't we?

Her new family are a bit strange to say the least Jeremy, I think they would make great daytime TV. The grandad is one of those old geezers that just says what he thinks and hang the consequences, in fact the whole family is dysfunctional. (There's even a step-mother, cliche or what?) 

The reason that I am coming to you now Jeremy, is that my sister is now pregnant.

Now obviously there is no doubt of parentage, (unless the baby comes out ginger. That would be AWKWARD) but I am just really worried about them all.

What kind of future will that baby have?

AND what will happen to me now Jeremy???????? Especially if it's a girl???????

I will no longer be the most watched female in the world will I?

(Although I suppose I could get a book deal out of it, all about being a fabulous auntie couldn't I?)

Much love. I look forward to your call, we can discuss my best side.

Pippa Middleton x x x


  1. I was reading this seriously, I should have know! Love it! Makes so much more sense second time round. You have a brilliant way with words X

  2. I love this so much! Brilliant x

  3. Funny! Love it. Great post. I was reading it seriously though until about 3/4 of the way through lol

    Hope you can enter my big 500 follower giveaway!




  5. Pffft I was reading this going "Kellie's sister is going to be pissssed when she reads that" :) I do not envy Kate Middleton at ALL. (Apart from her hair and coats and bank balance).

  6. Haha! This is the best thing I've read all week! Amazing xx

  7. Pippa Middleton looks like Angelica Houston in the witches when she takes the mask off and all creepy looking and shit.........that is all. :-)

  8. This has cheered me up no end! Thanks Kellie <3

  9. Ha ha that has really made me laugh :)

  10. oh my gosh i loved that! i thought you were being serious until i read the end, made me laugh and cheered me up!!!


  11. You have made my bloody day- sitting here sounding as though I have end stage lung disease, I still managed to laugh (and then cough)!

  12. you bloody genius! Only just seen this but LOVE LOVE LOVE


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