Friday, 24 August 2012

Nom or Vom



Now I am not going to give my opinion here, (because I think it's pretty well known by now)

So without further ado


Todays Nom or Vom


Tom Daley



(Goes to sign a list somewhere)








So what do we think?


Nom or Vom


(I feel shame)



Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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Wednesday, 22 August 2012

So pay me maybe?




So it has got to the stage where I am pretty fed up of certain companies going quite slowly when it comes to paying me for work I have completed for them so with no apologies to Carly Rae Jepson, I have rewrote her song Call me maybe and THIS is what I am going to be sending to the next company that doesn't pay me on time.

Feel free to borrow it yourselves if you need to. (as well as sing along with the words if you want to) and let me know how you get on.



Pay me maybe?

I threw a post on the site
added the odd soundbite
we knew it just looked right
now my invoice is on its way

Traded my soul for a post
pennies and dimes are better than most
I wasn't looking for this
it was you who came my way

Your marketing is digital
my bank account is critical
Now it's time to pay the lady
where do you think you're going baby?

Hey, I just billed you
and this is crazy
but here's my invoice
so pay me maybe

It's hard to look right
at you baby
but here's my account number
so pay me maybe

Hey I just billed you
You're being lazy
but here's my number
so pay me maybe

and all the other PR boys
try to chase me
but here's my number
so pay me, maybe

You took your time with the brief
you gave me nothing but grief
you gave me no products at all
but still you're in my face


I beg borrow and steal
can't afford my next meal
I didn't know I would feel it
but it's in my way

Your marketing is digital
my bank account is critical
now it's time to pay the lady
where do you think you're going baby?

Hey I just billed you
and this is crazy
but here's my number
so pay me baby

It's hard to look right
at you baby
but here's my account number
so pay me maybe?

Hey I just billed you
and this is crazy
but here's my account number
so pay me maybe?

and all the other PR boys
try to chase me
but here's my number
so pay me maybe

Before you came into my life
my profile was so bad
it must've been so bad
so low and so so bad

Before you came into my life
my profile was so bad
and I should know that
I needed you so so bad

It's hard to book the right
adverts baby
So heres my account number
so pay me maybe

Hey I just billed you
and this is crazy
but here's my number
so pay me maybe.






So what do you think?

Will it work?


Would you send it to a non-paying company?

or should I not give up the day job?


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x


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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

On tilt



Tilt/On Tilt
Definition

When poker players let their emotions cloud their poker judgement.



Now I don't mind a little poker every now and then (mind out the gutter people, mind out the gutter) and I am fully aware of this poker definition BUT..........................


I've realised that I actually go shopping on tilt.

It's true, throw some emotional shit at me and ten minutes later I am bollock deep (figuratively speaking) in sparkly shoes and whore make-up (or is that the other way around?)

It is the equivalent of going shopping hungry. If I am "emotionally unbalanced" (what? It happens every now and then) then I really shouldn't be allowed out shopping without a responsible adult or with a credit card.

Some people eat their emotions, I bury mine in a layer of till receipts. (and eat them, don't judge me)

If you go to Asda hungry, you purchase 4 loaves of bread, caramel syrup and 6 Muller corners when all you went in for milk and cat food. (true story) If you are "on tilt" you find yourself sobbing in Superdrug buying hair dye and new blue glasses

(Um, I could not possibly comment on the truthfulness of this story, but my hair does look good and I can see again)


I'm not alone in doing this am I?

Does anyone else go shopping "On Tilt" and come back with floral pencil skirts/purple hats and fluffy Hello Kitty PJs?

Or is it just me who emotionally shops?


Let me know




Big Fashionista x x


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Monday, 20 August 2012

Does my bum look big in this?





Now personally I would rather wander through a war zone armed just with a clothes hanger and my wits (What? I would still win you know, I taught John Rambo all he knows) than shop with a man.

But Very have produced an infographic on how men actually feel about being asked THE question DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS.


Now some people can (and probably will) scream that this is a bit sexist, but it is always interesting to see what people say and why they say it when asked the dreaded question

"Does my bum look big in this?"


So enjoy, and if you are a lady who lives in Cardiff and you want an honest opinion, DON'T ask your man.



DMBLBIT
Infographic Produced by Very.co.uk
Test 2.5



Do you ask your man his opinion on your outfit?


Would you believe him if he replied no?

And what would you recommend to make my bum look smaller? Maxi-dresses ? Pencil skirts? A diet?


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x


*Disclaimer* sponsored post
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Friday, 17 August 2012

Nom or Vom




Hello Friday, HELLO Nom or Vom


Well judging the amount of tweets I saw Wednesday night this guy is probably going to be received as quite nommy.

What frightens me is that I may have some people commenting with

"He's old enough to be my grandad"

"Yeah but WHO is he?"

So let me just get straight to it and I will let you make your own decisions


Ladies and Gentlemen


Todays Nom or Vom


Martin Kemp

















Please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember him in the last pic




So what do we think,


Martin Kemp?



Nom or Vom


Let  me know


Big Fashionista x x
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Thursday, 16 August 2012

Sexual healing PART TWO




So about a year ago I wrote a post about sexual mishaps.


Sexidents if you will.


Now it really wasn't my words that was the funniest part of the blog post (cries a little)


It was the comments. I asked you for examples of sexual "accidents" that either you or *cough* a "friend" *cough* had experienced.


Sexual Healing Part ONE

and man oh man you did NOT let me down.


From ripped out nipple rings, biting down in a place you really shouldn't, to Yoda impressions while reaching orgasm, mmmm, coming, I am (not strictly speaking an accident but funny as HELL) you guys had me literally in stitches (a bit like one of the commenters I'm sure)

And the best part of this post is that I positively encourage anon comments.

There have been FAR too many spiteful anons lately so let's use the power of Anon for the reason it was invented, to let people laugh at our expense without having to reveal our true identity.


So I want to know about your sexual mishaps, anything that went wrong,


Today I need a laugh.


Don't let me down.



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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Tuesday, 14 August 2012

We can all rest easy now it seems



So after The Olympics we all thought that we were going to experience a Post-Olympic lull that nothing (other than Tom Daley turning 19 to make it slightly less uncomfortable) could lift.


Well we were wrong.

Now I'm not talking about Miley Cyrus chopping off her hair, (The day I decide to get worked up over something like that is the day you have permission to take me out the back and give me a good kicking)


Yesterday was the day that we all finally got to stop worrying about Jennifer Aniston.


She got engaged.

Now personally, I didn't realise that I had to be concerned about the multi-millionaire business woman actress but APPARENTLY I did. (who knew?)

The amount of womens magazines out there that were positively frothy at the thought of Ms Aniston getting engaged was to be honest quite indecent. I had visions of them all sitting around like maiden aunts discussing her on a regular basis

"Well yes, she commands millions of dollars a movie"

"Yes she has her own home with a pool and gym and sunset views"

"Yes she is her own boss and a film star in her own right"

"But she's not married, she cannot possibly be happy"


Jennifer Aniston has got herself quite a reputation of being unlucky in love. I was beginning to think that all for all these years I had been hearing her name incorrectly and her full name was actually Poor Jennifer Aniston

"Poor Jennifer steps out of her home alone"

"Poor Jennifer gets dumped again"


STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.

The magazines are now heralding the nuptials of Ms Aniston as if they had personally sold her off for two camels and a slush puppy and are sending out the message that only now she has snared a man can she truly be happy.

and if that's what they are selling then they can peddle it somewhere else as I ain't buying.


and Jennifer, a word of warning, while you may have got them all off your back for a while I have a nasty feeling that within the next couple of weeks the mags will turn their attention back to you with the question,

Screw the Olympic legacy, WHAT IS Jennifer Anistons legacy? (Before looking pointedly at your uterus)


Don't say I haven't warned you.



What do you think,


Had you lost sleep over Jennifer Aniston before?


Can you rest easy now she has got engaged?


What do you think of the way magazines are portraying Jennifer Aniston and her engagement as if only now can she truly achieve her life ambition.


Let me know




Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 13 August 2012

Nail Art by Big Fashionista



I know, I know, I don't "DO" beauty (First one to crack a funny gets their IP address blocked innit)


But I have been working on some original nail art for quite a while now, and I thought that it was about time I shared with the world my work and give a step-by-step tutorial on how it is achieved.


I am sure that for some of you this may be slightly too difficult, it takes time and a special skill to really rock this look, sadly, I feel that for some of you, your patience will be sadly lacking.



I will try to keep it simple, if you have any questions, please feel free to comment below, I am only sorry that I don't have a Youtube channel so that you really can get the full effect. Sometimes pictures just don't do nails justice do they?



So first of all you need to paint your nails, you can use any colour for this part but I do find that a really bright base colour really does just add to the whole effect. For this example I used a bronze colour. (the rumour that it is in homage to Tom Daley is of course false)


and now for the second part, unfortunately this is the part that really does take the time, but to really achieve the look and do it well the devil truly is in the detail, now you do NOTHING.

yep nothing,




Now there are MANY dimensions to this look that I am sporting, forever to be known as the SKANK look.

As you can see I have gone for a "textured look" as well as letting the nail varnish grow out from the nail bed giving it I feel a "natural gradiated" look.


Do you need me to slow down a bit?


Let me show you a close up.




You need to really appreciate the time and the effort that has gone into perfecting this look. And although some of you may be questioning whether I have cheated and gone for a nail wrap, I can assure you that this IS all my own work.

This has taken me just a week to perfect, for the more inexperienced out there of course I expect it to take longer at first, I find that adding in a touch of stress really does help the nails to reach their full potential.




So there we go, my first attempt in the world of nail art, I WAS tempted to watermark all my pictures but then I thought what the hell, I have so much to teach you all, I want you ALL to learn from me.


But if Ciate come out with a kit in the next month, you all know who started the look right? RIGHT?


So what do we think of my first attempt at Beauty blogging?

Would you like to see more of my tutorials?

Anyone else think Ciate are going to not see the funny side?




Let me know




Big Fashionista x x
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Sunday, 12 August 2012

Just a little ramble

I've loved the Olympics, every second of it. It has been inspiring, emotional, a true rollercoaster of highs and lows that nothing will ever be able to duplicate.


BUT,


For me this last day has got me thinking. Have I been using The Olympics as a crutch? Pouring myself into someone elses hopes and dreams and living THEIR lives instead of my own?

Have I used this Olympics to take my mind off my troubles and issues (which quite frankly are too many to list) and instead of dealing with issues that I have I have simply put them off.


I know that I have been an emotional wreck these last couple of weeks. Crying when people win and achieve their life long ambitions and crying when they don't.


But am I crying for them?



Or crying for me?


I really couldn't say.




My apologies for the ramble but would love your opinions on this. Or if it has struck a cord of recognition.



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 10 August 2012

Nom or Vom



It had to be an Olympian this week didn't it and let's face it, there has been plenty of choices with many, many an Olympian being pictured in tight lycra with what can only be described as a semi (at the the very LEAST) on

Now, here at Nom or Vom we consider ourselves slightly more classy than that. (It's not Tumblr you know)

No gratuitious cock pics here.

Well.........................


I did say SLIGHTLY more classy



Ladies and gentlemen may I present to you Ryan Lochte




















So what do we think? Ryan Lochte?



Nom or Vom




Let me know




Big Fashionista x x


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Thursday, 9 August 2012

Stain removal with Vanish



When Vanish contacted me the other day to ask if I would like to write about their products I have to admit I wasn't sure whether it would really "fit in" with my blog style.

True I have three children that could represent Team GB in the the 2013 Stain Olympics and also being overly blessed in the chesticle department it means food (when I am not eating like the delicate little flower that I so obviously am) stains do unfortunately happen to me occasionally (ok, A lot) but I thought that if I was going to do this.......

I was going to do it properly.


Take one white towel,



Throw some coffee on it,





Smear some ketchup on it





let a brown felt tip seep into it





drip some blackcurrant juice on it




At this point I was starting to worry I was enjoying this a little too much.



So I left some lipstick on it





and then rubbed mustard on it





and just to finish up, I rolled it in some grass.




I really did want to add blood but I wasn't bleeding and to be honest, I am not sure you guys are interested enough for me to open a vein for you, (and I'm not being paid enough)




So then I left the towel on the line in the sunshine to bake for three hours.



(probably confusing the hell out of my neighbours)


then it was time to play with the product.


I have used the Vanish powder before and found that it works but I have never used the Vanish Oxi Action Crystal White Gel before.



I must admit that I found the instructions slightly confusing on the back, It said add a dose to each wash but I didn't know whether to also use my usual detergent as well.

It said use 60mls or 100mls in the measuring cup depending on how deep the stain is but I wasn't sure whether I needed to put the actual measuring cup in the wash or just pour the liquid into the drum,

but these small hitches aside I put my machine on a 30 degree wash and took just one more picture




I sat there for AGES watching it go round and round, I didn't pre-soak as I wanted to see what just using the liquid would do.

The minute the machine finished I grabbed the towel and put it on the line,


then when it was dry I brought it indoors to see whether the stains were still there.


Er NO



Not a single stain was left, not even the grass stain which I was surprised at, and the mustard stain was gone as well (I swear that stuff has some toxic abilities, I have thrown tops away with mustard stains on before)  


So colour me impressed with Vanish Oxi-Action,


plus I must admit I had a LOT of fun putting this post together.




If you need more information on Vanish and their stain removing skills you can check out

Grass stains and also Stain removal for more details.




What do you think?


Are there any stains you have found hard to remove?


Do you use Vanish?


Do you think my washing machine needs a wipe down?
(and why did you just scroll up again to double check)


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x






Disclaimer; This is a sponsored post.  All product provided by PR, content as always, is my own.
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Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Children as Howler Monkeys, a scientific study revisited



Two years ago I wrote this post ----------> My Children as Howler Monkeys

in which I compared my three children to a pack of small Howler Monkeys (It must have been the beginning of the summer holidays as by the end I was comparing them to a pack of rabid wolves)


and I thought that now would be the right time to revisit the pack of Howler Monkeys to see how two years had changed them.



The last time we visited the pack, the youngest female Howler monkey was 4 and the eldest female was 9 and in between them was the male Howler monkey, just 8 years old.


We revisit the pack to see just how the dynamics of the group have changed.

The first thing that we notice is that the dominant member of the pack is surprisingly the 6 year old female. This small female howler monkey has learnt that exercising her vocal chords (SCREAMING HER FRICKING HEAD OFF) usually gets her what she wants. The other howler monkeys may not like it, but to be fair, they were the ones who originally gave into her and taught her how to win at this game so they only have themselves to blame. (so there)


The two elder Howler monkeys have lost a lot of their baby ways now, the eldest female communicates mainly in grunts with the occasional scream thrown in for good measure. She is easily distracted by shiny things like money although she quickly buries it in places such as Forever 21 and quickly forgets that she ever had it, pestering the grown up Howler Monkey (that would be ME) for more.

The male Howler monkey at this time has lost all interest in self grooming, (which is lucky as the elder female spends most of her time in front of the mirror) This urge to groom will not return until he spots a female Howler Monkey that he likes the look of and will then mean I will have to purchase another mirror to stop the carnage that will otherwise ensue.

Another thing that I have observed about the more grown up howler monkeys is their inability to do anything for themselves, they seem to have lost the use of their arms and legs especially at meal times. They have turned from being helpful little howler monkeys who were proud to tell you they had cut up their own food and mutated into a new sub-species that lose all ability to function when asked to set a table.

The pack of howler monkeys also seem to be locked into some kind of power struggle game that demands constant refereeing, their constant battle cry of MUM, MUM, MUM is designed to not only phase their opposition but drain the hell out of the pack leader who cannot even go to the bathroom in peace anymore.

So let me bring you my conclusion to these very scientific findings.


Two years on the Howler Monkeys seem to be growing at a very fast rate and consuming more than their bodyweight in food each day.


The mother Howler Monkey needs a bloody break from looking after the bloody Howler Monkeys every now and then.

and if my children really were Howler Monkeys I would have shipped them off to London Zoo a LONG time ago as perhaps this is not possibly the right habitat for them anymore.



What do you think?


Does the mother Howler Monkey need a break?


What scientific study are you carrying out in your home during the six weeks hell-iday, what animals would you compare your little angels to?



Anyone know the number of a good zoo?

Let me know


Big Fashionista x x


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Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Armchair athletes





So forgive my obsession with the Olympics but lately it seems like the whole nation is now going Olympic crazy so one more post really won't make much of a difference will it?

I promise I will try to cram all my opinions into one post so that we don't have to keep going over this (keeps fingers crossed behind my back, ner ner ner ner ner)




Firstly, How hard do we think Spandau Ballet and especially Gary Kemp are pissing themselves laughing at their rapidly rising bank accounts right now. I bet their F5 button is almost worn out.


Secondly, have we all got completely behind the fact that our athletes are superb role models for our children? Yep? Better than TOWIE stars and Kardashians? Yep? We all have that memo? Yep?

I shall move on.



I've loved the Olympics so far, absolutely loved it. I wish it could go on forever, Perhaps like a travelling circus it could move straight onto Rio and they have to do it all over again for our viewing pleasure, then immediately after then, Tokyo bound. I for one certainly wouldn't complain.

The only issue that I have with the Olympics is that for as many young people it inspires to take up a sport, it also inspires an army of what I like to call "armchair athletes"


They are everywhere, absolutely everywhere, there isn't a sport at the Olympics that somewhere, someone (who had never even heard of this sport two weeks ago) doesn't know everything about.

Even Omnium, (Which I thought was that song from The Muppets)

But we are learning a lot from the Olympics I must admit.

A week ago I thought a pike was a fish, now I find myself tutting as the the diver over rotates as they enter the water creating a larger splash than is needed (I mark them down for that)

I find myself talking about the rowers techniques, now as I used to row I consider myself not only qualified to talk about this but consider myself an EXPERT, honestly, if it came to court, they could call me to testify. (testify, testify)

Although I also once got thrown from a horse and still consider myself an expert in all things equestrian.

In fact I also once ran for a bus so consider myself an expert in the 100 metres as well.


Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I have become one of THOSE people haven't I?


I'm an "armchair athletic"


Oh DAMN it.

Goes back to watching Womens Laser Radial and checking the tides and wind speed.

(As one does)


So what obscure sport have you found yourself watching and LOVING during the Olympics?


Have you become an armchair athlete?



And am I the only one thinking that an Olympic gold in BMX riding will be the coolest medal ever?


Let me know



Big Fashionista x x



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Thursday, 2 August 2012

The Telegraph, Andrew M Brown and my reply




So I'm angry, I'm not a little angry, I'm a HELL of a lot angry. And THIS is why

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/andrewmcfbrown/100174361/womens-judo-its-disturbing-to-watch-these-girls-beat-each-other-up/


Meet Andrew M Brown, This man has decided to try to undo all the hard work and effort that women all across the world have put into the 2012 Olympics by making this the first time that EVERY team has had a woman competing.

Now these women are not here to make the tea Andrew, they came here to compete, to win medals, they are OLYMPIANS.


And with this ill-advised, sexist piece of trash below he has not changed my opinions on Judo, or athletes of any sex, all he has done is shown himself to be a dinosaur.

A man that fears change, a man that fears women can be as strong as a man or work hard to achieve her dreams. has he supported these women in their chosen sports?

No, he has belittled them, he calls them girls for gods sake, why not cap it all off and enquire why they are not protecting their ovaries or wonder who is cooking the dinner that evening?


I have two daughters, this Olympics has inspired them, it has shown them that they can be what they want to be with hard work and dedication,


I also have a son, I will NEVER let him read the blog post by Andrew M Brown, I do not want that man to influence any of my children.


Andrew just because you admit something sounds sexist it doesn't make it LESS SO.

would you write something extremely RACIST, or homophobic and then think you could just laugh it off by admitting it sounded bad?


No you couldn't.


I hope the Telegraph realise just how awful this blog post by Mr Brown is, it positively drips with patronising words and sexism.


We should be supporting our Olympians, not trying to protect their "soft limbs"


I for one am disgusted by both Andrew M Brown and The Telegraph.


Are you?



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x


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Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Any questions?



 
Continuing on in the blogger theme (because I'm massively hormonal and too stressed over the school holidays to write about anything else) of the other day, the one thing that I found really encouraging in my last post is that there are a LOT of really superb new blogs out there.

Now this is a good thing, it is. It is a rare sort of person that sits there and says, "You know what we need LESS of?  Blogs"

I really love finding new blogs and people who are at the beginning of blogging and seeing how they grow and find their own voice.

I've been blogging for just over two years and in the great scheme of things that really isn't that long. I've made plenty of mistakes along the way (and I'm sure I will make more) and what really helped me was other bloggers who always took the time to answer my questions, however stupid they were and steered me away from trouble when my big mouth ran away from me (this happened surprisingly often, or maybe not so surprisingly, I dunno)


So here's what I can do. Pay it forward.


Are you a new blogger?


Got any questions?


Or need some advice?


Then leave your questions here. I have asked a couple of other bloggers if they wouldn't mind popping in and being on hand to answer any questions that they can help with. Or if you see a question that you know the answer to, feel free to jump in and help out.

Or if you would prefer to email me you
 can do so on bigfashionista@sky.com


I don't claim to know it all (before Anon decides to pipe up again) but I do know a bit, and if I can help someone else how people helped me then why the hell not? I'm not doing it to be big, brave or clever, Just a genuine desire to help make sure people don't make the same mistakes I did or fall into the same traps.


So if you would like to, leave your questions here and we will try to help.



Big Fashionista x x


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