Thursday, 25 October 2012

An open letter to Superman.

Dear Superman, Clark, or whatever you call yourself these days,

I hear on the grapevine that you are considering jacking in your job and becoming a blogger, and I have a little advice for you.

Firstly, stop smoking the Kryptonite, seriously dude, lay off it a little, that shit has gone to your head. Now I don't know what is going on in that head of yours but these days? I don't think you are flying with the right licence.

Firstly, let's talk money. I assume you are being paid at The Daily Planet? You are? Well being a blogger is slightly different. As a blogger, you are expected to eat your "raised profile" sleep under "increased traffic" and wear "more followers"

Pretty cool huh? NOT

I can safely say that the world of blogging will not buy you more underpants to wear outside of your trousers when you get a hole in a pair. (Although a good PR might send you a pair every now and then, you don't mind wearing ladies underwear two sizes too small do you?)


Now I get that you have a USP, (that's Unique Selling Point) you are SUPERMAN for God's sake. I can see how the Bloggersphere will go crazy for you and your Instagram pictures from 20,000ft.

(Quick question, can you get your hair in a top knot? It's all about blending in)

And I can see how making it to 5 events in one day that are scattered all over London (and two in Manchester) wouldn't be a problem for you, what with your FLYING ability.


BUT Superman, honestly, this gig ain't easy, and if you think it is, it's only because us bloggers having been making it look that way.

Stick to your day job, I beg you.

Otherwise one day you will hear a cry for help and you won't be able to help them as you have three posts to write and a lot of pictures to edit.

Think about it, I beg you.

Big Fashionista x x



What do you think? Would Superman make a good blogger?

Or do you have any words of advice for him?


Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x


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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Taylors of Harrogate, Coffee heaven.




I only have a couple of vices, (that I admit to) and the main one has to be my love of coffee, I love coffee, drinking it, eating things flavoured with it and even the smell it.

So when Taylors of Harrogate asked if I would like to visit their factory I didn't have to think twice.

It was all I hoped it would be AND MORE.

Think how a chocoholic would love to visit  Willy Wonkas' Chocolate Factory?

Well the tour of Taylors of Harrogate was my equivalent.

We arrived at Taylors of Harrogate at lunchtime and firstly experienced some wonderful hospitality. If you want to make me happy, FEED ME, we sampled some of the wonderful food that they serve in their canteen (No wonder all the staff had smiles on their faces, it was delicious) as well as trying some of the famous Bettys cakes.

Next up for the twelve contented bloggers was a Coffee tasting masterclass ran by the very knowledgeable Emily

I have to admit I learnt a lot of new things, I am ashamed to say I never knew how coffee looked on trees or thought about how it is processed.

We tried the different single origin coffees first, coffee from different places all over the world and we were taught about the subtle differences in flavour.

Note to self, when you are given the choice of spitting or swallowing (the coffee) do NOT, I repeat, do not collapse into uncontrollable giggles which render you unable to look anywhere but at the ceiling. (And certainly not at Sally or Becky. Naughty ladies)

We then tasted different blends, the Hot Lava Java being my personal favourite.

Happily full of caffeine, our next stop was the factory floor, where we watched the coffee process from start to finish. We even got to wear hairnets and fabulous disposable long white coats. I have never been inside a factory before and found the whole visit insightful and not only that, a lot of FUN. (looking around the factory was like an episode of How It's Made)

Want to see some pictures of my day?









 


All in all a great visit to a great British company that has a well-earned superb reputation.

You can check out Taylors of Harrogate and all the different products the company has to offer here www.taylorsofharrogate.co.uk

I am now a huge fan, not only of their coffee, which I loved already, but the brand as a whole. A family-run company with a great product and staff that are quite rightly proud of themselves, from the lovely ladies on reception to the wonderful canteen staff who made us lunch, everyone was happy to go the extra mile and with a smile on their face at the same time.

If I ever move to Harrogate, I want to work at Taylors, (and drink the coffee non-stop)



So what do you think?

Are you Taylors of Harrogate fans?

What's your favourite blend?

and how hot do I look in a hairnet? :-D


Let me know x x


Big Fashionista x x

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Monday, 22 October 2012

Monday Rant




I'm quite getting into this Monday ranting malarky, I quite like finding things that I can store up to then let ooze out of me on a Monday. It's like lancing a festering boil, it hurts a bit, but oh the relief as all the poison floods out. (A beautiful bit of imagery for you there on a Monday morning)


So let us begin.

Last Monday saw the return of Made In Chelsea and it really didn't disappoint. Unlike TOWIE where if you appear in other programmes you are dead to them forever, it seems that MIC have welcomed back Spencer Matthews with open arms. Well, I say open arms, what I really mean is that they have welcomed the chance to script him as a MASSIVE BELL-END.

When he stepped out of the car and uttered the words "Matthews, Spencer Matthews" was there a single woman in the country watching who DIDN'T have damp knickers?
(Through pissing themselves laughing that is)

He's a twat, she's a twat, they're all TWATS.
(What time is on tonight again?)



Megan Fox has given birth to a baby boy I hear. It would be wrong of me to hope that she is now covered head to toe in stretchmarks and she finds it impossible to lose the baby weight. WOULDN'T IT? (Jessica Simpson took one for the team, Come on Megan, don't let me down) I just really cannot stand the celebs and film stars who appear 3 weeks later in their skinny jeans, I still wasn't even DRESSED three weeks after giving birth!! The Victoria Beckhams and Abigail Clancys of the world give normal women a bad name, I want Megan Fox papped eating biscuits, wearing crumpled clothes with sick down them, yelling, 'I AM SO FUCKING TIRED'.

DO it for womenkind Megan, do it for us all.



Also this week, the odious toad of an oxygen thief Nick Griffin tweeted out the address of a gay couple that had won a court case recently against the couple who refused to allow them to share a bed in their B&B.

Nick Griffin is a cunt, pure and simple. Now I know that some of you are offended by that word and for that I apologise, but Nick Griffin offends me far more than you could ever be by a simple word. How that much bigotry, racism and hatred can be shoved into one tiny little man is beyond me. The man must just fart hatred, and yet I still cannot find a single ounce of pity for him. I hope he drowns in his own bile and chokes on his hatred one day.




Also on my TV last week, there was a programme called My Tattoo Addiction. (Channel 4 obviously) This could have been a FANTASTIC documentary, I think it is really easy to get addicted to ink, I have 3 of my own (so far) but instead, Channel 4 decided to concentrate on the stupid muppets who get Aya Napa 2012 tattoo'd on their arse! and wankers covering girls names with scorpions on their FACE!!!! TYPICAL CHANNEL 4. What did they do? Ring a bell? Bring me your weirdos, your
freaks and your Miley Cyrus STALKERS!!!!!!

What a WASTED OPPORTUNITY Channel 4. WASTED (A bit like most of the participants actually)



and lastly, one of the biggest laughs I got this week was the Gangnam Style parody, "Eton Style"

Have you seen it? I watched it, I laughed, I watched it again, I laughed again, I watched it................ with dawning horror that one of those toffs doing the Gangnam style dance will probably one day be our Prime Minister.

Makes you pray the Mayans are right doesn't it?


So what do you think?

Is Spencer Matthews the next Daniel Craig? (Or is he more Craig David?)

Channel 4, Did you watch the Tattoo programme? Share with me your thoughts.

Is there anything that I missed this week you would like to have a rant about?


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x x
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Friday, 19 October 2012

Nom or Vom




This weeks Nom or Vom was another suggestion via Twitter and the reason that I do like this guy is that he is certainly looking better with age and a bit of grey around the temples (Just because there's snow on the roof and all that)

So without further ado,


Ladies & Gents

Timothy Olyphant


















So what do we think?


Timothy Olyphant?


Nom or Vom?



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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Thursday, 18 October 2012

Mutually Beneficial, A Bloggers Rant



"Mutually beneficial"


As a blogger I am SICK and TIRED (See, capitals. That's how sick and tired of it I am) of being used as free advertising.

If you blog, you know what I mean, How many of you have had drop into your inbox lately, an "Exciting Opportunity" only to read on to find out it is essentially an advert for the company involved, with no benefit to you whatsoever?

Oh I tell a lie, because the latest way to try to draw bloggers in, is to offer us the CHANCE to win something. Whoop-de-do.

Oh FABULOUS, so while the company involved is getting lots of links and traffic back to their site, the bloggers involved get?

Oh thats right, NOTHING. (Nada, zip, zilch, not a sausage)

How is that mutually beneficial?

And I am seeing this happening more and more lately, if I don't get at least one of these competition style blog post requests in a day, I think my email has broken.

Now I understand that some people find them fun, some people see them as content.
But it isn't for ME. I personally find them insulting. If you want a sponsored post on my blog, ask me my rates, don't wrap it up in a pretty bow and call it a present. (Although, I do like presents)

Because I get nothing out of it, and the company involved gets everything. Now I am not being a diva here (Stop rolling your eyes) but my blog is my baby, I have worked HARD to get it where it is today, and I'm not going to spoil that so that companies can get a free advert on my blog.

If a company gets something out of it, why shouldn't I get something out of it?


Mutually beneficial, are they such nasty words?

Let me know.




Big Fashionista x x x


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Monday, 15 October 2012

Weekly Rant round up




So last week this was quite popular, so let's do it all again.


My weekly round up of news and rants


Jimmy Saville,

Now this is a difficult one. Firstly, it makes me so angry that there are people coming out of the woodwork to say that were aware of what Jimmy Saville was doing. How on earth could people just stand by and have done nothing? And then have the audacity to put their faces out there NOW and admit this? If I had let children and young people down like that, the LAST thing I would be doing now is dancing on the front of newspapers wringing my hands to alleviate my own guilt. Sorry Esther, (I'm really not) I am looking at you here.

And secondly, people are saying, oh he is dead, let it lie. He can't defend himself. Well the victims are not dead, and they couldn't defend themselves either. My sympathy is with them. MR Saville can look after himself.



Wayne & Colleen Rooney.

Wayne and Colleen have announced that they are pregnant with their second child. My instant reaction was, SHE HAS SLEPT WITH HIM TWICE?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?


Madonna,


You know we all have that crazy relative that is a total embarrassment?

Spare a thought for Lourdes, SHE has Madonna for a mother.

Last week Madonna decided to remove her clothes and dedicate a song to Malala  Yousafzai, the 14 year old girl shot down by the Taliban.

Some fan could argue (and probably will. It has been a while since I received death threats from Madonna fans) that at least it drew attention to the girls plight and highlighted her situation.

Couldn't she have just lit a fucking candle or something?


The Kardashians

So the Kardashians are going to be releasing a collection, oh I'm sorry, I mean a Kollection for Dorothy Perkins very soon. Now I have enough issues with the Kardashians existing without having to put up with them changing letters in our alphabet. Do you know how tempted I was to write Kunts here?
(Whoops, I think I just did)



One Direction

X Factor losers One Direction have this week made chart history in America by scoring the fastest-selling track by a non US artist EVER.

Congratulations boys,

Fancy staying there? Please?

Thanks.



Anything I missed this week?

Want to have a little rant? Or disagree with something I have written here?


Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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Friday, 12 October 2012

Nom or Vom



I'm always happy to take requests (apart from that suggestion you made via Email, I really don't do that.... anymore)

and when someone requested this guy this week, I thought, Hmmmmmmm, Let's take a look at what he has to offer.

Firstly, I have learnt he doesn't like to wear clothes. (I know, I can sense your disappointment)

Secondly, I have learnt that he doesn't really do anything for me.

Soz.


But for you guys, hopefully he may be just what you are looking for.

So this weeks Nom or Vom is...............................


Adam Garcia
























So what do we think?


Adam Garcia, Nom or Vom



Let me know
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Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Hulkmania? Shudder




I am fully aware that different people need different things to help them, how shall I put this delicately? Arrive?


But may I suggest that you never, EVER, ever (Are you getting the severity of this) watch the most traumatic video to currently be floating around the internet

(More traumatic than the Cameron/Johnson Gangnam Style gif currently doing the rounds)

There is a Hulk Hogan sex tape.................


And I have watched it.............


I need counselling, honestly. I have never watched anything quite so traumatic in my life.

Firstly, WHY?

Can anyone answer me WHY on earth this exists? No not the tape, someone who actually wanted to sleep with Hulk Hogan?

Secondly, WHY? (did I already ask this?)


Thirdly? Have you seen it? All he does is moan. And I don't mean in a good way. whinge, whinge whinge. Dear lord, if his idea of dirty talk is going on that he feels like a fat pig then then the man needs to watch a Kardashian or two.

Or preferably take lessons from Paris Hilton and feign boredom, it's quieter.


Have you seen Hulk getting his bodyslam on?

If you have, how do you get it out of your brain without tipping bleach into your eyes and ears?


If you haven't. Please, don't search for it. I beg you. It is too much for any one person to deal with.


Save yourself.




Big Fashionista x x x

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Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Let's talk politics




Oh you guys, Politicians. Where would I be without you?

There I was, thinking I was going to be reduced to writing about David Blaine and his constant search for validation by teasing us with his attempts to die for our viewing pleasure by messing around with electrickery in a metal suit while standing in a puddle.

(You big tease you)

and then, like a vision in blue, along toddles a couple of politicians who open their trap and lets this stuff just write itself.


Firstly, David Cameron has joined Twitter.

I miss my trolls, but I understand. They are busy playing with a new toy, I'm sure they will get bored and come crawling back soon, just don't expect me to engage with them now I know where they have been, I expect a certain level of class from my trolls (excluding the one that just calls me a c*** every now and then that is. From you I expect nothing) and if you have left me high and dry just to go and bait David Cameron for shit and giggles don't expect me to welcome you back any time soon with a warm smile and a open policy on anon commenters.

(I'm sorry, it just stings a little, but I will get over it soon)

As I said on twitter the other day, David Cameron is going to be the only person in the history of Twitter to get "This person has said mean things about you" DMs and they won't be spam!!!!!!!! (I imagine that person will be Boris by the way)


Speaking of Boris Johnson (seamless link there) he's another politician who has been making me slightly uneasy lately. I like to think of Boris Johnson as a bit of a clown, a buffoon, an over-friendly uncle with bad taste in christmas jumpers. The joke wore a bit thin when he was elected to be the Mayor of London but hey, if you don't vote, you can't moan about it. But now there are mumblings that he is being touted as the next leader of the Conservative party........


Now hold on, a jokes a joke but that is just pushing it a bit too far, The Conservatives, they are the one in charge of ruining, I mean running the country? (I think)

And someone thinks Mr Boris 'Whoopsy, I'm stuck on a zip wire. Quick, call the paps' Johnson is the best we have to offer?

Seriously, stick me in there, I'll show you how to run a bloody country guys. I've got my game face on and I am ready to give it my best shot.......


Who is your other option?

George Osborne?


George Osborne who yesterday spoke about workers surrendering their employment rightsin return for shares in their companies!!!!!!!


Hang on, did I read that correctly?

See what I mean? I don't even have to crack a funny here? Mr George 'Always leave them needing more' Osborne is doing it for me.



David Blaine might as well just give up now. With gold like that out there, why do I ever need to write about him?




So what do we think?


Has David Cameron given you a virus yet? (Or a twitter bug)

Boris Johnson? Political threat or likeable buffoon?

George Osborne? What a twat.


Let me know



Big Fashionista x x
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Monday, 8 October 2012

A weeks worth of rants in one post



It's always the way, you take a week off and the world goes insane.


I have a weeks worth of rants stored up and I am about to vomit them all out here for you like a 15 yr old on the Cherry Lambrini.


Get comfy people, I'm gonna blow.





April Jones, just 5yrs old and taken from outside her parents home by a sick and twisted individual. and WHAT is the first thing that people talk about?

"What was she doing outside at that time"

Now personally that made me seethe, Perhaps people wouldn't mind turning their judgements on the person who actually took the poor child instead of rounding on the parents.  At a time I cannot and wouldn't even want to begin to understand what the poor parents were, and still are going through, they have to deal with snide comments and people wondering why their child was allowed to play outside.

Zip it, it isn't important, it doesn't matter if it was 1am in the morning.

NO-ONE has a right to take a child, NO-ONE.

And I won't hear any different.





Jeremy Hunt wants to lower the abortion limit to 12 weeks does he? Has Jeremy Hunt ever been in a position where you miss your period, and hope and pray that your cycle is just a little messed up that month, so you wait, you daren't even think about being pregnant, you push it to the back of your mind and yet all you see are babies everywhere, even though you are desperately trying not to think of them. the next month, your period still doesn't come and you do a test. You are pregnant, your world caves in, it isn't what you want. You make an appointment for the Doctor, you can't get an appointment for another week and a half and then the wait for a referral is another few weeks after that, pushing you over the 12 week limit.

What then Jeremy?

What then?

I am not saying that men should not be responsible for making decisions about womens bodies, What I am saying is that Jeremy Hunt should sit the fuck down and not get involved in anything he knows fuck all about.


Conservative Party Conference?

Britain can deliver is the tag line.

Not if we use Yodel we can't.



X Factor?

Are we surprised that Fame-whore Rylan stayed? Of course we aren't. The man may be as irritating as Thrush and now obviously showing himself to be harder to get rid of than genital herpes but he is going to be TV Gold. He is what would happen if Jedward, Katie Weissel, Wagner and Cher Lloyd all got together and had a gang bang at the back of Sugar hut and created a baby together.

Facebook and Christmas


For the love of all things holy, PLEASE stop telling me how many days it is until christmas, I have a calender, ironically it was bought for me last christmas. Stop it, I cannot stand it. You dont see me counting down the days until my birthday do you? (December 19th if you are interested) It isn't cute, it isn't funny and I WILL unfriend you.

Profiting from Pink


I am going to be posting about the wonderful Breakthrough for Breast Cancer as it is Breast Cancer Awareness month very soon, they have a huge list of products you can buy where a percentage of the profit goes to them and will hopefully one day stop this hideous horrible disease from happening.

What I cannot understand is that there are companies out there pushing their own pink coloured products that are not donating a penny to breast cancer.

SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU

Companies that do this disgust me, I will name and shame like I did last week on Twitter, ANY company that I see doing this.




Phew, I feel better now.

I fancy a kebab.



Anyone have an opinion on any of these rants,

Let me know.



Big Fashionista x x x
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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Writing a post about not writing a post.




A bit like the title says, this is a bit of a weird one (Waits for everyone to mutter, nothing new there then)

You may have noticed that there was no post yesterday (Tumbleweed. Bastards) and I think that this week, posts might be a bit thin on the ground.

Now obviously, if a footballer trips and falls into a reality stars vajayjay or someone from X Factor finally gets their style sorted out (Rylan, Fame whore-That is all) then I won't be able to resist popping up and giving you my opinion, but I am actually going to be taking a couple of days off.

I'm (trying to) write a novel, and it is extremely difficult to concentrate on both the blog and writing a book at the same time.

I am only really right at the beginning of writing my novel, just 10,000 words in but I am really enjoying developing my characters and plots and want to really give it 100% of my attention, if only for a little while.

I've been structuring it for a long time now and decided that if I didn't start to write it soon I would keep putting it off. I love to write and I could forever be content just writing on this blog because it makes me so so happy, but part of me needed to just go for it.

Who wants to think about what COULD have been.

Maybe I will get bored halfway through and push it to one side, maybe I will finish it and hate every word, or maybe, just maybe, I will finish it, love it and get it published.

I just don't know, but I owe it to myself to try.


So, forgive me if I neglect my blog just a little bit. Rest assured I will NOT be giving it up completely, (Nom or Vom is safe, chill yourself) I'm just taking a little holiday for the rest of the week.


Back soon,


Big Fashionista x x


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