Saturday, 6 April 2013

Chatted up by Justin Bieber


So I think Justin Bieber is trying to chat me up through the medium of song.

Below I give you my thoughts on his loving words.

Enjoy.

Justin Bieber - Boyfriend.

If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go

(What, like NEVER?)

I can take you places you ain't never been before

(Your basement perhaps?)

Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know

I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow
Swag, swag, swag, on you
Chillin' by the fire while we eatin’ fondue

(The 80's called, they want their chat up line back)

I don't know about me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag


(Can we talk about your use of the word swag, Justin, and exactly what sort of woman you are trying to attract)


I’d like to be everything you want
Hey girl, let me talk to you

(Not if the restraining order goes through in time)

If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone

(That's what I'm concerned about)

I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go


Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t
I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe

(Anyone who uses Buzz Lightyear in a chat up line is possibly too young for me. Actually, make that definitely too young for me)

I don’t ever wanna fight yeah, you already know
Imma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow
Burr

(If I'm laying in the snow, I don't think I will be shining bright, I may be dead, or possibly drugged, either way, I
don't think shining is in my future, Justin)

Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
You could be my girlfriend until the w-w-world ends

(I really don't wanna)

Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and
Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirlwind
Swaggie

(Swaggie? Mixing it up a bit are we? At least you are listening to my constructive criticism)

I’d like to be everything you want
Hey girl, let me talk to you

If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

(We've been over this)


So give me a chance, ‘cause you’re all I need girl
Spend a week with your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend
If I was your man (If I was your man),

(Man? Ummmmm, may I refer you to the Buzz Lightyear comment)

I’d never leave you girl
I just want to love and treat you right

Na na na, na na na, na na na
Yeah girl
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
If I was your boyfriend
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
If I was your boyfriend

(Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin, now you are bringing your nan into it?)



Sorry, Justin. Don't call me, I'll call you, okay?

Big Fashionista x x


Has Justin been trying to chat you up too? Let me know.

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8 comments

  1. This had me in stitches! Sadly Justin tries to chat me up too... He just can't seem to keep his swag in his pants!

    He also tells me -

    As long as you love me, I'll be your platinum, I'll be your silver, I'll be your gold...

    I can tell you he is none of these things or I'd be selling him down the local pawn shop to make some extra cash!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Three, two, swag"? I have so little idea about what's going on in this song. I knew he was an arse when I saw a photo of him wearing two watches. Swaggie! x

    ReplyDelete
  3. As IF bitch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's Big Fashionista, Bitch.


      (Sorry, Britney)

      Delete
    2. Ah Kel, little Belieber has come out to play and defend the honor of a total prick!

      Delete

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