Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Funny Things Our Children Say

Children are funny aren't they?

Ok, now not at 3am in the morning when they are trying to have a conversation with you about whether Dora The Explorer could beat Barbie in a fight. (True story, My money is on Dora by the way, that kid has dragged herself up with only a monkey as company, hard as nails.) or at those times when you have to be somewhere five minutes ago and they are insisting on packing a lunch bag larger than the one your mother used to give you for a school trip, and no, they do not need any help thank you very much.


But occasionally the little cherubins come out with comments that leave you in stitches, or yes sometimes even red with embarrassment. (I can see you nodding) 

For me, the most embarrassing moment has to be when my youngest, S was about 2yrs old and was going through a stage of repeating words that she knew would make me die with humiliation, bad words, SWEAR words. You have to bear in mind that my youngest looks like a doll, a sweet little tiny thing who looks fragile and angelic. (Ha, appearances are deceptive)

The F Word had been used a couple of times, (I say a couple of times, there was a point where even Gordon Ramsey would have wanted to step in and say that she was perhaps kicking the arse out of it) but it was nothing that couldn't be dealt with, either by pointing out that it was a bad word or ignoring it so that she didn't get a reaction. It was bearable, and as the third child nothing I hadn't dealt with before.
UNTIL the day we walked into a rather busy toilet at a petrol station where not only were the cubicles all full, there was also a queue, (Always good to wait for an audience, huh S?) we patiently waited our turn, and then entered the cubicle where my sweet little angel said to me, LOUDLY, "Mum, mum, mum, Look mum, That's a fucking big toilet roll isn't it?)

Cue dying from me, snorts of laughter from the queue and other cubicles and one woman tutting her disapproval at the bad language coming from someone so small.

We got out of there fast.

Also this weekend, S, who is now seven remarked upon the fact that as I am 37 I am over halfway to death. (It was 8am on a Sunday morning, I hadn't had a coffee, to be honest I felt closer to death than just halfway) 

Bless them, if they are not embarrassing us then they are looking for new and interesting ways to make us feel as if we have to choke back our amusement.

So how about you? Have you been embarrassed by your offspring or a small child you know? Or have you had to bite the inside of your mouth to stop yourself from laughing at some of the things a little one has come out with?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x



  1. haha great story

    at work (nursery) a little girl told everyone that her daddy sometimes sleeps on top of her mummy ;)

  2. Big nephew (5 at the time) turned round to my Dad in the pub and said 'Grumpy, you're a DOUCHEBAG', thankfully my Dad didn't know what that meant but judging by the giggles in the pub, everyone else did!

    Little nephew aged about 3 at the time, was out having lunch with Mummy & Daddy and started to make friends with the little old lady on the table next to them. She was asking about his toys and then asked what Mummy and Daddy do for jobs, turning his angelic little face up to her he said 'Daddy works with mad people, and Mummy works with SKANKS' (my brother is a psychiatrist, his wife is a midwife in a rough area!) at which point my SIL gasped in horror and said 'B we don't say that word!' so darling B put his head in his hands and loudly proclaimed 'OH BUGGER'.

    Same nephew, out in France on a nudist beach, Daddy is trying to keep him entertained by taking him on a walk and pointing out the beach chalets and other landmarks. Spying one that was double height compared to the others, my brother said 'Look B, that's a big one isn't it'. Cue my nephew spending the rest of the day pointing at the other nudists on the beach and exclaiming very loudly and clearly 'That's a big one, DADDY SAID'

  3. I'm not exactly a kid friendly person myself, but I absolutely love those little moments where they say something hilarious without even realising.

    My favourite was on the tube one day. Standing in the carriage was a mother with her two children. She was carrying the youngest, who was maybe 18 months old and the older of the two who was about 5 was stood next to them.

    The train pulled into Holborn and there was the usual announcement of "mind the gap between the train and the platform".

    The mother looked at her older daughter and said "Listen to the lady, you have to mind the gap. You know what happens if you fall down there."

    The kid, without missing a beat said "Yeah, I'll be on the news".


  4. We have a lot of orthodox jews come to our town in the summer and youngest said quite loudly " Look Mummy, Pirates"!


  5. Ohhhhh yes, my darling son:

    * Passing a foreign couple in the Supermarket and shouting "What the FUCK are they saying?" aged 3/4

    * Standing in line behind a man with rather prominent teeth and crying "Please don't eat me" aged 3/4

    * Telling his Uncle "My Daddy calls you a bollocks, what's a bollocks?" aged 4/5

    * "Teacher told me that Hitler killed all The Beatles".

    * Him - "We did the Seven Wonders of the World in School today. They discovered an Eighth." Me- "Did they? What is it?" Him - MEEEEEEEE!!!!"

  6. I don't remember this myself as I was a baby at the time but apparently when my older brother was about 3 he asked my mum "why doesn't Kirsty have a willy?". I'm guessing there were some biology lessons going on in our house after that!

  7. Brilliant story, I'm yet to experience it for myself by hopefully a good decade! I was a naughty yet angelic child - when I was around 3, I copied my dad in telling a bad driver in Portugal to F off, oops! x

  8. Totally relate to this...my 3 year old is more sensible than I am most of the time so I get "turn the music down I have a headache" and "mummy you are driving too fast" a lot. I've given birth to my father. How Greek tragedy of me!

  9. My boyfriend's eldest daughter (aged 3) comes out with some crackers, including an argument with her older brother:
    Brother: "You smell like poo"
    G: "You smell like ballerinas"
    B: "You smell like cheesy feet!"
    G: "Well you smell like mermaids."
    And then there was a time she thought her bum was a good place to keep a marble: "It fell! It fell into my bumbum!"
    Ah, kids.
    My mum has some great stories about me as a child, too, like the time I went to climb in bed with my parents one morning aged around three, lifted the duvet, dropped it with a look of horror, and announced, "Mum! Daddy's got a tail!!"

    Jess xo

  10. When I lived with my friend some years ago her young son was a constant source of amusement. One day she'd got diarrhoea and couldn't take littlun to school, so she asked me to. She told him she couldn't take him to school as she had syrup coming out of her bum, which was her polite way of saying she had the shits. On the walk to school he said 'Have you got a syrup bum?' to which I said no. Then he went through just about every body part asking if it was syrupy. Then he asked me 'Have you got syrup tits?' to which I burst out laughing, so for the rest of the walk to school, in a sing-song voice and alarmingly loudly he trilled 'You've got syrup tits!' I was too busy laughing to tell him off.

    When I was about 7 or 8 I was coming out of church with my mum when the Pastor asked what was on my lip. I had a cold sore. My mum always treated me like an adult and had told me about the herpes virus - the kind I had on my lip and the other kind, which adults got from nookie. So of course I replied 'It's herpes, but not that sort!' Hahaha.

  11. I remember taking my daughter to the cinema where she insisted on asking for everything herself - tickets etc.... I think she must have been 4. L then asked for some cockporn instead of popcorn! I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or the poor guy serving us!!!!

  12. Once, when collecting my little man from nursery, I was taken aside and told that he had been heard muttering "oh, for fucks sake" under his breath when his friend couldn't do the jigsaw puzzle...


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