Monday, 9 September 2013

Playground Parents


So the school holidays are now over. Congratulations to you if you survived, not only with your house intact but your sanity too.


But now we have new worries to deal with.

The school playground.





Trying to fit in has never been so hard. The looks, the stares, the hope that friends for life can be made and you know what?

The kids have it hard too.

In all seriousness, (well, as much seriousness as I can muster anyway) The school playground can be daunting for a parent taking their child to school for the first time. I have just moved from London to Leeds and when I walked my little girl into the playground on that first day and saw all the parents chatting and milling around catching up on what they all did in the holidays, it immediately reminded me of my own first day at school. (Except without the wetting myself and hiding behind my mum part-that's my story and I am sticking to it.) 

There are always the same type of mums in the playground though, aren't there? No matter where you are.

There will be the "nice" mums, the ones that are always getting involved. They are usually part of the PTA and they run around the playground trying to sell you raffle tickets to raise funds for the school, make sure you are going to be attending the parents evening or trying to get you to help out at the school fete. (I am not that mother)

There are the "fashionable' mums, the ones who can turn up at the school gates at 8.55 looking as if they have just stepped out of the pages of Vogue, (Usually while I look like I have just stepped out of a train wreck. Bitch I am NOT a morning person, stop that) (I'm not that mother either)

You have the mothers who stand there watching their children go into school with tears streaming down their face as if someone has just ripped their beloved offspring from their arms and told them they will never see them again. (Nope, that's not me either. The only tears I have running down my face at the school gates are tears of joy after a long six weeks school holiday. Oh who am I kidding, I have tears of joy every Monday morning) 

You get the PJ mums, (No that isn't bloody me, cheek) Now if you want to rock up to the school gates at 8.55 in your fluffy pyjamas then that is your prerogative, just realise that it is also my prerogative to judge you, loudly if need be. I have three children of various ages that I manage to get to school on time and quite frankly I would die rather than walk to the school in my pyjamas, (Also if I didn't die, there is a strong possibility that one of my children would murder me in my bed rather than face the shame of admitting that they are related to me) On a side note to the PJ parents, I will forgive you for your PJ indiscretions if you do it at 8.55. HOWEVER if I see you at the school gates at 3.15 in your PJ's or dressing gown then be prepared for hellfire to rain down upon you in the way of sneering judging looks.


You also have the habitually late parents, the ones kicking their beloved offspring through the gates just as everyone else is leaving with a stressed out look on their face that makes you want to give them a hug, and a better alarm clock. I have been this parent once or twice in my lifetime so I won't judge you, there seems to be a time-slip in the space/time continium that means you glance at the clock and you have twenty minutes left before you need to leave and then the next time you glance at the clock, "Sweet baby Jesus, have you seen the time? RUN, RUN you little bastards, RUN"


Other parents you may see at the school gates are the working mums and I love this group, some of them I really wish had the time to stop and chat and get to know but unfortunately they have to drop their children off at their line, wave them in and rush off to work. I admire these mums who manage to multi-task. (PJ wearing parents, take note. These women have not only got their kids ready but themselves to a professional standard. Cough cough, raise your standards)

I don't really know if I identify with any ONE of these groups, I think I can be nearly of them in a school week. which is kind of fun.

But how about you?

Can you think of any other parent in the school playground that I may have missed out?

Or what type of school run parent are you?

Let me know.


Big Fashionista x x x





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18 comments

  1. Am the working mum & by the grace of flexitime the habitually late one too.

    This made me giggle as I checked them off mentally ;)

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    Replies
    1. Can you think of any groups that I have missed?

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    2. The scary competitive Mum with everything perfect....

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  2. The gossipy cliquey mums - the ones that stand there talking in a huddle and then go quiet as you come near and look you up and down, whatever you are wearing. HATE that, hate that!

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    Replies
    1. Now I'm in Yorkshire I haven't seen that so far. Seems a lot friendlier here.

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  3. I am the working mum who is also habitually late. I say hello to one or two people, but I'm always alone.

    A big group at my school is the Wear The Same 'Uniform' Mums in Superdry coats, see-through leggings and cheap Ugg style boots whose soles slip to the sides, making them shuffle like zombies.

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  4. I'm the working mum who's also trying to be a nice one. Never going to be the Vogue mum,even though I sometimes wish I could be one of those too!

    The worst kind are the mums who think they are better than everyone else, they exclude the working mums because they don't stay at home all day waiting for the children to finish school and their aim is to make them feel inadequate for asking questions about things they've missed because they've been at work!

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  5. There's no excuse for going out in public in pyjamas, sorry. I hate this "I don't have time, I'm sooooo busy" crap - we're all fucking busy!! Get up earlier!! I would not want to mortify my son by showing up at the school gates looking like I just crawled out of a cave.

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  6. I am absolutely dreading the school gates! Thankfully I have a few years to prepare yet! Great post!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks hun, there are a lot of good groups too, I wonder what group you will end up in. Good luck and let me know how it goes when you end up in the playground.

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  7. This made me laugh! As my baby is starting school this week i know i will be the working mum...with a hint of niceness. Never will I be seen in my pj's sorry i just cant do it to myself...

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  8. I was often the one in pj's! Am I ashamed? Well ummm nopes! :D

    I am just glad the horror of the school run is no longer in my life, until I'm a Nana lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I think Nana's have to be embarrassing, that's the law.

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    2. I so hope so :D I cannot wait lol

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  9. Congratulations on your move and the new chapter in your life Kellie. Much love xx

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  10. I was one of the rare Dads at the playground and didn't fit in with any of the groups, standing there in my trusty battered painted leather. I think some of the Mums were slightly jealous of my long blonde locks, especially the peroxide brigade..... xD

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  11. Haha what a fab post! Three days a week I am the working mum who can be seen sprinting at high speed through the playground and then on my days off I still sprint at high speed to get home for my cup of tea!!!! x

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