Everywhere you turn lately, you have probably been assaulted with pictures and headlines screaming about False Widow Spiders getting all bitey and shit.
According to the tabloids, False Widows Spiders are now so prevalent that they may as well put their names down for council houses.
In fact, has anyone checked The Daily Mail recently? (I don't buy their filth, in fact I won't even read it online and give them the satisfaction of a click through that their obvious trollbaiting is just begging for)
It would not surprise me if The Daily Mail ran an article interviewing a Black Widow Spider discussing how The False Widow has come over here, taking all the good jobs and leaving the Black Widow with fuck all to do.
(Although the Daily Mail would also wonder whether the Black Widow was claiming benefits for hundreds of children, would probably throw in her age, whether her children all had the same father and also pass comment on how she is flaunting her curves, to entrap another man so that she could have another couple of hundred children that WE WOULD ALL END UP PAYING FOR)
It must be an extremely slow news week for the tabloids because False Widows aren't exactly a new thing in the UK, they have been here for over a hundred years. It isn't as if they have just turned up on an Easyjet flight, (Although if they had, they would be a lot easier to catch as they would all still be in the airport waiting for their luggage to arrive)
I am starting to think that this hysteria is all a massive PR campaign by Urban foxes to get the spotlight taken off of them for a while. Weren't they were the last animal to be targeted in the press for being all up in peoples faces? (and bedrooms) Now they are the ones laughing on the other side of their snouts while people ignore them and start on the poor spiders.
(Does anyone know if the False Widows bite the heads off the men still? Or whether that neat little trick is just exclusive to the Black Widows? I want to know if there is a knack to it)
You also have to bear in mind that now there are billions of normal spiders out there that are going to fall foul of the "mistaken identity" SQUISHING. Whereas before, most people would get a glass and a piece of paper and gently scoop up the spider and then throw it out of the window. More people will be throwing shoes, large magazines or blowtorching the fuck out of those poor defenceless spiders JUST IN CASE.
You know, Just in case that spider was A, poisonous. B, could be arsed to take its poison and bite you somewhere, and C, not just a False Widow but ACTUALLY A REAL LIFE BLACK WIDOW.
Noi one is going to bother with the glass trick while there is a chance the spider may run up your arm and start chewing on your jugular like an extra from The Walking Dead, are they?
Oh Christ, Zombie spiders? If the Daily Mail gets a whiff of that, we will NEVER hear the end of it, will we?
So I for one am not going to start worrying about dying from a spider bite, or a zombie bite for that matter.
(I run from Spiders anyway)
But how about you? Have you stopped with the glass and piece of paper and now turned into a spider murderer, JUST IN CASE?
Or are you carrying on as normal and not falling for the tabloid hype?
This could even just be a great Halloween publicity campaign for a supermarket or something, has anyone thought of THAT?
Let me know.
Big Fashionista x x x