Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Slut Shaming


Let me start with a question.

Is the term "Slut-shaming" becoming the new "Well I feel that's racist"?

Now before you all jump down my throat, hear me out. 

Personally, I HATE the term slut-shaming. 

Someone does something that disrespects themselves or they act in a way which doesn't just push the boundaries, it jumps through the boundaries and so far past the boundaries that boundaries are just a distant memory, and I am not allowed to say anything to them because I am slut-shaming and basically stopping people from being who they want to be or are? 

Oh do me a favour.

I am the bad guy? I am OPPRESSING people? 

I am not just talking about women here, I treat men and women equally with no different rules. If a friend needed calling out on their behavior it wouldn't make a difference to me about whether they were male or female. 

In the same way that in some cases people have their arguments shut down by someone calling another person a racist, I am concerned that people are using the term slut-shaming to shut down reasonable discussions about boundaries and decency. 

Let us take the Miley Cyrus/Sinead O'Connor open letter as an example. I for one thought that Sinead was coming from a good place. She was trying to warn Miley Cyrus about the industry and make her be aware of what she is putting across. And yet people have accused Sinead of slut-shaming and have diluted her argument and knowledge of an industry that pretty much pulled Sinead apart and didn't care about her enough as a person to put her back together again. 

Was Sinead slut-shaming? I don't think so. 
I think Miley Cyrus HAS pushed it too far. Where does she go from here? She wants to shock, she wants to rebel. She wants to get her tits out. Do I want my daughters to look up to Miley Cyrus as an example of a good role model? No, I don't. And if that statement means that I too am slut-shaming then in my eyes that strengthens this point it am trying to make. 

We all have boundaries, we need boundaries, if I went down to my local Asda with my vagina hanging out, (I've had three children, it literally is hanging out) then I expect to be pulled on it. I would be more concerned if I wasn't. 

I choose my friends in my life for their ability to say NO to me, not their ability to say yes. 

That's not slut-shaming, that's CARING. 

You may disagree. And if you do I would love to read yor comments.

But at the same time, if you ARE one of the people out there who feels that people should be free to do whatever the hell they want without consequences or being judged and you then come at me with an anonymous hate-filled comment about me and my opinion, once again you strengthen my argument. 

So let me know how you feel, I do moderate my comments but all will be accepted and published. 

What is YOUR view on the term slut-shaming? Is it a way of oppressing the people who are oppressing peoples rights to be free? Do you feel that it is an acceptable term to use or do you feel it is being over-used and overplayed?


Let me know.


Big Fashionista x x 
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12 comments

  1. I do think there are people who make comments that can only be construed as "slut shaming". However those comments are generally by trolls and should be ignored. Unfortunately those who show concern over the actions of Miley et al get tarred with that brush.

    I for one think that if Miley or Rihanna want to get their bits out and flaunt their bodies that's fine. It's wonderful that they are body confident young women. Nudity is natural and beautiful. However, how they choose to portray that nudity is what I have an issue with. Simulating sexual acts in media which is available to children is not acceptable. Yes sex and sexuality is a natural and wonderful thing, but to be exposed to such stimuli at a young age can be damaging. These "artists" have a responsibility. They are aware of the demographic of their fan base. So why make sexually explicit images aimed at young teens and pre teens? By all means, if they wish to make sexualised videos they should be free to do so, but for an adult audience only. The media and music business should regulate this type of content and conduct. Music videos and images in the wider media need to be rated in the same way that films are.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Thank you. A superb comment.

      Delete
    2. Exposing a child (under 18s for the legal definition) to images of a sexual nature is illegal.
      How the media gets away with it, I don't know!

      Great comment.

      Delete
  2. I take it on a case by case basis. Sometimes, some people just need a big dose of cop the f**k on. Other times people need to live and let live. Sinead reached out to Miley and got a smack in the face for it. I think Miley definitely needs the former, not the latter.

    DollyRouge.ie

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  3. What Kat said. Slut shaming is a legitimate complaint if someone says a woman got raped because she was wearing a short skirt or other such nonsense, but Sinead did nothing of the sort, and anyone who thinks she did has fundamentally misunderstood or deliberately misconstrued her comments. As Marilynn said, there's nothing wrong at all with dressing or acting sexy, but people like Miley need to stand back and see who really stands to gain from her flapping her flange, why she thinks it's desirable or necessary and what her responsibility is to her fans and young people generally. The whole 'nudity is empowering' trope that has been pedalled to young women is remarkably convenient for the old men ogling them and making money off their backs.

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  4. The problem with all this is that if you do say gosh put some clothes on then all of a sudden people tend to say that in fact one doesnt have a sense of humor and you are getting old and weren't you young once etc. the thing is in my day, like a virgin that song by Madonna was a huge deal because it referred to sex or the abstinence of, can you imagine that being a big deal,now? So I don't k ow if it's me being "old" or slut shaming. So now I tend to say nothing bc people get wound up wither way

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  5. I'm a Naturist. I would love to be able to go to the supermarket au natural, just as we do in France, without a second thought but I agree with the general thrust of your article.

    We all need boundaries: should we be allowed to get our freak on in aisle seven, probably not!

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    Replies
    1. Personally I do not feel that being naked is a problem, I think it is the implied sexual activity that goes hand in hand with many of the people being shamed as "sluts" that's the problem!

      Delete
  6. I completely agree, my love. You can't comment on anything women wear/do/create (and it IS always women, of course!) without it now being treading on slutty eggshells. x

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  7. So pleased I came across, your post - I thought I was the only one who felt this way!!

    I don't have a problem with nudity, or people embracing their sexuality. I'm not bothered how many sexual partners have, or whatever they get up to sexually. BUT, I do not want to have to see sexual provocativeness everywhere I go, and I do not think the constant need some people feel to sexualise everything is pushing the bounds of decency too far!

    Miley Cyrus for example was the girl my daughter's generation grew up with and looked up to. She was marketed at a very young audience, and ultimately that young audience are now young teenagers and are still looking to her as a role model. I personally do not think that 13 year old girls need to be exposed to simulated oral sex on a sledge hammer, nor do they need to see a young woman with practically no clothing on, bent over wiggling her backside at a male singer! They do not need to see vaginas being rubbed up with foam hands and should not be exposed to this constant level of sexual provocativeness!

    I hate the term "slut shaming", I don't get it, and I don't get what all the feminist based fuss is about it. If somebody is acting in an overly provocative way, is prancing around nude or semi nude whilst actively demonstrating sexual acts, then people are going to think that this behaviour is "slutty". I feel that it is the same for both men and women, and I disagree with any men who carry on in the same way.

    The term slut is used to describe sexually active women who have numerous sexual partners. If a woman acts out this role, then she will undoubtedly be thought of as a slut, in the context of the word!

    I do not mind people getting their bits out, nudity is a natural state and all bodies should be viewed as beautiful creations. BUT, when sexual provocativeness is used alongside nudity, particularly with the likes of Miley Cyrus, I do not think it should be accessible by under 18's

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  8. "[C]alling anyone a slut, regardless of their behavior is slut shaming. the idea that anyone has the right to judge some's sexual habits is slut shaming. the practice of judging someone and calling them a slut along with the perpetuation of 'sluttiness leads to rape' hurts victims of sexual assault because people assume that if they were assaulted they were somehow at fault because of their behavior or previous sexual history."

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