Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Adopt A Blogger

There are (Insert figure here because everyone I asked came back with a smart-arsed comment) bloggers in the UK, and this figure is climbing on a daily basis.

The internet, the bloggers natural habitat, cannot sustain this number of bloggers for much longer, and soon, very soon, we will start to see some catastrophic results.

Beauty Bloggers, will have no original lipsticks.

Food Bloggers, will run out of recipes.

Lifestyle Bloggers will probably be ok as we have fuck all anyway. 

and Fashion Bloggers everywhere, will have completely exhausted all poses known to man. 

These HORRIFYING scenarios could soon become their reality. 

Unless we act fast. 

The climate is changing, conservation is no longer an option. These once magnificent animals that roamed free upon the internet are in serious danger and only you can help them.

By adopting a blogger this Christmas you can help protect this once proud species and their environment. 

Adoption Packs.

For a very affordable fee, just one lipstick a month, you can adopt your very own Beauty Blogger. You will receive Instagram pictures of your chosen blogger in a variety of pouty poses.

To adopt your very own Fashion Blogger costs just a one-off payment of a pair of shoes. For this you will receive two heavily filtered pictured taken on a borrowed DSLR or a special one off print from an iPhone app which will make them look like a conjoined twin. The choice is yours.

If you adopt your very own Food Blogger you will get the fantastic opportunity of seeing this proud creature running wild in their natural habitat. A YouTube video of their kitchen will be available for a premium fee. Price available on request.

Please, please. Do not let the bloggers suffer in vain. 

Your gift could be the gift of protecting a species.

You don't owe it to them.

You owe it to your children.

Adopt A Blogger today.

And remember, a Blogger is just for Christmas, not for life. 

Big Fashionista x x x

What do you think? Are you moved by the plight of the wild blogger. Do you want to help protect their environment? Or do you suggest a cull to help protect the species?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x



  1. *smiles winningly for the front cover of the Adopt A Crap Blogger pack*

  2. Kellie, you're brilliant. I wouldn't adopt the average blogger now even if I was paid to, hawhaw x

  3. Oh wow, I am moved to tears! Those poor souls, SOMETHING MUST BE DONE TO SAVE THEM!!!!!

    Thank Feck for you Kel, otherwise I would be sitting here feeling flipping miserable wallowing in my flu-sodden tissues.

  4. Oh, I needed this. Thank you. My miserable day just got a little bit better. And now there is hope someone will pick me *makes best puppy eyes ever*
    Dani x

  5. *takes selfie to use instead of business card*
    *invents a couple of extra children to get toys to review*
    *opens new eBay account to sell review products*
    *reinvents self as "LIFESTYLE BLOGGER" to win the internet and obtain sponsorship from all*

  6. anyone want to adopt a ranty blogger? Just throw outrage at me.....

  7. Haha :-)

    Ally // Digital Diva

  8. OMG I just died! I love you Kellie I would adopt you any day xx

  9. I've only ever seen two poses on most fashion blogs - hand on hip & and looking down at the ground....


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