Monday, 16 December 2013
Oh Christmas Tree......
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Where are all your bloody needles?
For the first time EVER, I have a REAL Christmas tree. This is a big step for me, I got to pick a tree and watch a big metal thing reverse birth it into a netted bag at a garden centre, it was A-mazing.
We got it home, (after quite a few scratching of heads and a LOT of string) and placed the tree, pride of place in the living room and decorated it with loving care.
I remember that first night, looking at my beautiful tree with lights and baubles and tinsel, breathing in the soft green smell of it, thinking. WHY would anyone not have a real tree.
Two weeks later.
WHY THE HELL DID I BUY A REAL TREE?
It sheds needles worse than a dog sheds hair, there is genuinely not a room in the house where so far I have not found a needle that has fallen from the tree.
My hoover has gone on strike. it has been constipated with the needles twice and it makes a suspicious noise as if it is trying to electrocute itself rather than have to pick up any more needles.
Oh and my tree has an issue with remaining upright.
I have a base for it, but NO, it prefers the "flat out like a lizard drinking" pose. It is as if the tree is saying, YOU CANNOT CAGE ME, MAN, I AM A FREE TREE.
This tree also seems to have a nervous disposition, whenever you walk past it, it seems to jump, shed needles and spread baubles everywhere across the room. It also seems to have a pathological hatred of the 7yr old and tried to jump on her whenever she walks past it.
It also refuses to look good in pictures, it has a tilt to it that no amount of tying it to the wall can sort out. plus one side of the whole tree seems to be bald from diving head first into the floor (and the 7yr old)
Remind me again, Why did I buy a real tree?
And anyone else want to lay money on the fact that I will probably do it again next year?
ps, Anyone else want to take a guess which month in the year I will stop finding needles in the carpet?
Let me know.
Big Fashionista x x x