Monday, 9 December 2013

The Gift I Don't Want You To Keep On Giving

So Christmas is fast approaching, I mean fast, really fast. (slightly scary, maybe I need to start shopping) and it is about this time when I start to think of all the presents out there that I really don't want my children to unwrap this christmas.

Whether you are a parent or the person giving a present, please pay close attention to the following safety announcement, (I'm talking your own safety here because if you give these to my children, I will throw a bitch fit.

Felt tips. 

For the love of God, no. Just no. There is not a parent out there that will ever thank you for buying felt tip pens for a toddler.

"Why do you hate me"? WILL be the words that go through my head if my little cherubs unwrap felt tips on christmas morning. Do you think I like the thought of raising miniature Banksy's?
Why do you hate me? Just why?

A Drum Kit.

You don't just hate me, you want me to suffer, Don't you?
The same goes for any instrument, unless you have suffered recorder practice you have no idea of the hell that is a musical instrument. If you are thinking about buying a child a musical instrument, ask yourself this. Would you be prepared to have it in your house and let my child come over and play it whenever they want. You wouldn't? Don't buy it then.


Oh what did I ever do to you? Did I forget your birthday or something? Plasticine is fun, for five minutes, and then you spend the next month digging it out of the carpet, sofa, cups and forks. the bottom of shoes and everywhere that plasticine is not meant to be.

Anything With Bits.

You know, bits? I like baby dolls, but then why must they come with a bottle, a dummy, a small spoon and other little crappy bits that are going to get lost after two days. A garage? Fabulous, but then it comes with three cars, a small petrol pump, a little man, and other bits that will be stuck down the side of the sofa, never to be seen again. Take the bits out if needs be, or you will see me cry, and you don't want to see me cry, do you?

Must I remind you that Glue is a no-no? Because if I do, then I don't have a clue why we are still friends.

What presents do you  not want to see your child unwrapping on christmas morning? Or what presents will you buy for the offspring of a person you hate?

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x



  1. My neice is three and my sister has specified NO MAKEUP. NOT EVEN A STYLING HEAD. My neice loves playing with cosmetics but in reality it just ends up all over her, her clothes, her walls and then the battle to scrub her clean commences before they leave the house...

  2. I have a 2 and a half year old and he's into everything! I think definitely pens, or paints or glitter would be a complete nightmare! I already have a living room covered in stickers and a coffee table covered in biro! :D xxx Thou Shalt Not Covet

  3. I've bought my niece a craft set because she loves doing crafts but her mum hates the mess so I should suitably piss her off on Xmas day (I'm not even sorry ;) I wouldn't be too bothered by anything to be honest unless video games which are unsuitable that's a real bug bare with me!

  4. I don't have kids, but I have a feeling this might be universal - Christmas cards with sprinkles hidden inside. That end up EVERYWHERE.

  5. This made me laugh a lot. I'm very sorry to say that we bought our nephew a drum kit for Christmas last year. We've not been forgiven yet!

  6. My brother seems to think it's OK to buy my 4yo the most annoying noisiest cars/trains out there. Oh there will be payback..

  7. Anything noisy that cannot be turned off or batteries that cannot be removed will be on my list next year (this year is that it stays in its bump until after new year)


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