Thursday, 27 February 2014

Travels With Blogger Bear

In case you have missed what is going on,  Blogger Bear is now on his travels, it is still not too late to sign up, you can go and find out more here > Travels With Blogger Bear and the lovely Ella from  was the first person to jump in there and offer to show Blogger Bear a good time. Although Blogger Bear may beg to differ. Blogger Bear is now off on his travels again and looking forward to meeting new people, in the meantime, have a read of what Blogger Bear has been up to. 

Over to you, Blogger Bear and Ella.

Day 1

Having spent what seemed like a bloody eternity I finally saw the light. The last thing I remember was being shoved into an envelope. Apparently I am the pawn in some kind of sick game where I get sent from place to place and I am forced to spend time with more stupid humans and 'enjoy' their mundane lives. I wasn't consulted about any of this. I'm quite frankly livid about this. I glanced around at my surroundings with a distinct lack of optimism but at least there was a big comfy bed. That is where the positives ended. 

I was thrown down on a pile of stuff and just left there, whilst the human dined lavishly on pizza. I wasn't offered a thing. I took this cruel moment to look around and see what kind of prison I'd been sent to. Rope, shoes with spikes, torches, and ice axe..... WHY IS THERE AN AXE?! What in gods name is this person and why did my human think it appropriate to send me to this hell?! 

Without warning I was shoved into bag, again. FYI, I’m claustrophobic but these cretins don't seem to get that. 

Day 2

Apparently waking up at 4am is normal. The human met another human and we all left in a car. No one told me what was going on and no one offered me a coffee. Eventually, after what seemed like an age I was permitted to see where we were. WALES?! Why the hell would I want to go to Wales?! It's raining and cold and we were surrounded by mountains. Clearly she was more stupid than I'd originally thought. 

Too my absolute horror, I was dragged out the car and put back in bag. (see Day 1 re: my concerns) I couldn't see where we were going but it wasn't a comfortable journey. I amused myself imagining I was sat on the back of elephant but this joy was short lived when I was dragged out into the rain. The chump took a photo of me (I didn't smile) and proceed to shove me back in the bag. This process continued for hours. Each time it was wetter, colder and windier than before. It appeared as though we were half way up a bloody mountain. Seriously, who climbs a mountain in February?! Are they fucking nuts?!

We stopped again. To my utter disgust I was removed again. They were laughing at the weather. LAUGHING! I am reliably informed that it was -7 degrees with winds of 80mph. There was also snow everywhere. They felt it appropriate to hold me up into the wind and photograph me. I couldn't see a bloody thing and I was freezing. I never thought I would say this but I just hoped I'd be put back in the bag. 

Eventually I was and the downward journey begun. I next saw light when we stopped to sleep. Apparently the humans had an amazing meal. Yet again, despite my torture, nothing for me. At least I got a bed tonight, even though they would only fork out for a youth hostel. Cheap skates.

Day 3

I was rudely awoken at shit o'clock. As if being dragged up a mountain in the snow yesterday wasn't bad enough, apparently we had to rush back for a 'night shift'. NOT.A.CHANCE. I was shoved in a bag and that's where I stayed for most of the day. No food, no drinks. It's just plain wrong! 

I was suddenly transferred from one damp bag to another. I didn't emerge for a few hours when I found myself in an ambulance station. Why, the hell, am I in an ambulance station? I'm not even injured.

To my horror, I quickly found out that this mountain climbing imbecile was also a paramedic and that I was being taken out for a night shift. I made my feelings known but they fell on death ears. We spent the whole night going to smelly drunk people. It was relentless. By the time I was allowed to sleep I'd been awake for 26 hours, been in two countries and 'worked' a 13 hour shift. 

I have never been so pleased to be thrown onto a pile and left alone.

Day 4

Oh goody. Another night shift. See day 3. It was basically the same. I point blank refused to have my photo taken. Cheeky shit thinks that's all I'm good for. 

Day 5

No surprise. Another night shift. This time on an ambulance, not a car. The patients we went to see were pretty grim to be honest. One smelt so bad that I actually vomited. The human chucked a bowl at me and left me to do my thing. It turns out I was photographed during my time of need. THIS is the shit I have to put up with. It is just plain wrong. The night dragged. The human insisted that the 3am lull was a character building exercise. I just wanted to sleep. My character was just fine before this shithead made me come to work. I am one seriously hacked off bear right now.

Day 6

Now this is my type of day. Having finished work at 7am and sleeping for a good while the rest of the day was spent lying on a sofa watching TV and watching the human eat crap. Maybe she's not so bad after all. I could do with a few days of relaxing after recent torture. We went to bed early for what I assume is for a long long sleep! #happybear

Day 7

WHAT?! WHAT?! An alarm went off at 04:30. You've got to be kidding me?! Apparently, despite finishing a night shift yesterday, I'm now being dragged out onto early shifts. How is this even allowed?! I was shoved onto the back seat and off we went. It was still dark. I am quite frankly livid. 

The day was spent dealing with morons and their nondescript 'emergencies'. That, and dealing with the aftermath of idiots who can't drive properly. I was taken to a police station, and showed around. I thought that officers of the law would look out for my well being and offer me food and drink, but no. They are just as selfish and moronic as this bumbling idiot I have been subjected to.

During the afternoon I was left unattended and found the Entonox! P.A.R.T.Y!!! I drained an entire cylinder and was working my way through the next when she caught me. I was told off and shoved back in a bag as punishment. Whevs bruvs! I'm hiiiiiiiigh! 

Day 8

Work again. And again I was shoved on the dash board and photographed and regular intervals. Again, I didn't smile. Apparently we were sight seeing. 

Why I'd want to see a big clock I don't know. We went over various bridges, went to see the Prime Minister and some utter tools dressed in red and standing very still. Their life appears worse than mine. After 12 hours of torture my ordeal was finally over. I was shoved into an envelope and sent on my way. And not a moment too soon. I'm glad to be rid of this crazy fool. I need a holiday.

Blogger Bear x x 

Ella, you've set the bar HIGH. 

Thanks for having Blogger Bear, I may have to send him somewhere quiet for a week of relaxation, maybe a Spa day?

What do you think, guys, a great way to start Blogger Bear travels? 

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x



  1. Wow Blogger bear is one grumpy little git!!! Fantastic post, very much looking forward to his further adventures.

  2. Haha love it. Think Grumpy Blogger Bear should be grateful his grumpy bum didn't get left up that mountain ;-) Loving this series already!

  3. Eeesh, worried my week with Blogger Bear won't be anywhere near as eventful!

  4. This is the absolute cutest! What a little adventure :-)

  5. Ahhh this is the cutest! Looks like he had an adventure :-)

  6. o I loved it! blogger bear is rather grumpy!

    Catherine x

  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  8. Blogger Bear looks like he's having lots of fun! We would love to take him on a little adventure :) We have dropped you a Tweet so we can look at travel arrangements.


  9. Hahaha, this is hilarious! x x

  10. I am so looking forward to keeping up with the travels of Blogger Bear and cannot wait to have him come and visit me :) x

  11. Hilarious! Would love Blogger Bear to come & hang out with us! :)

  12. This was brilliant, can't wait to read where he ends up next


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