Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Not All Men,

I have a son and I REFUSE to blame all men for what individual people do.

I do not blame ALL men for a man that refuses to take no for answer.

I do not blame ALL men for a man thinking that a woman was asking for it because of what she was wearing.

I do not blame ALL men for women being paid less, or being treated differently or being whistled at or being shouted at in the street, or being harassed or being stereotyped.

WHY is this the fault of all men? I do not understand? I have a son and two daughters, I am bringing them ALL up to believe that they can be who they want to be, to be proud of who they are. and neither my daughters OR MY SON should be ashamed of their gender.

The battle is not with the whole sex, the battle is with individuals and I refuse to hate all men including my son and my partner who support me in all that I do because of assholes.

How can I teach my daughters to be individuals, while the world tells my son that men are all the same? 

There are some sick, sick people out there, male and female. but no-one deserves to be tarnished for something that someone else has done. I am seeing hatred, I am seeing anger, but aiming this hatred at a whole gender? Is that fair?

My son is 12 years old, he has two sisters, he is being taught to be respectful of everyone, not just women, everyone, and my daughters are taught the same.

It is NOT all men who are the issue, it is not my son. and I refuse to have the man that he will grow to be, tarred with the same brush just because of gender.

It is NOT all men.

How do you feel about this? do you disagree with what I am saying here? Let me know. As always, this is a friendly place to be and everyone's opinion matters to me. Let me know what you think.

Big Fashionista x x x



  1. It isn't all men. I think feminism has become a thing I don't recognise, advocating broadscale man hating. That isn't feminism. Most men I know are kind, compassionate and caring. Yes they can be utter cockwombles at times, but they aren't evil. I think all men and women are possibly capable of evil, however most of us have enough scruples, ethics, morals not to act on evil impulses.

    My life is full of men, my best friend is a man, my husband is a man, my son will be a man. I can't be a man hater or it will be a very lonely life

    I have an amazing brother who is almost as big a "feminist" as my mum & I. People are people whatever category their cromosomes or genitalia place them in. If a skinny person went on a killing spree we wouldn't claim that it was because of the privilege ALL skinny people feel.
    Not all men are like that & not all women are perfect. I've seen too many things suggesting that all men are born rapists this week, what about the women that rape? What about the men that get raped? I don't know how feminism got to this point where hatred is the answer but it is just plain wrong. I want a new term that means I am for people, be they male or female, & I am supporting true emotional, financial, physical & social equality for everyone.

    Rant over lol


  3. This is a fabulous blog post, Kellie! You have completely summed up all my recent concerns with "feminism". As a man (and one who I think it a pretty decent, respectful guy), I am increasingly growing tired of the perception that somehow I am a member of an evil gender - and the only evil gender out there. Yes, men have done some horrible things and yes as a general rule, women face more oppression than men, and that is not right and should be corrected. However, *I* am not evil, and I deeply resent the notion that somehow because I have a penis that I part of some anti-woman organisation. I admire both men and women equally for all the beauty and kindness that they bring to this world.

  4. I agree with everything you've said. Not all men are like that, and not all men deserve blame for those things. It would be a sad society that does sweep everyone together in such a way.

    I think the feminist argument (or at least the ones I read online), where they rage against the phrase 'not all men', is more about the way this phrase is used as a counter-balance to a discussion, or a point that is used for the other side of the argument.

    I'm fortunate enough to have some wonderful men in my life, my father, my brother, my son, even my ex - none of whom would ever consider doing anything disrespectful to women, I have also been unfortunate enough to come across misogynists. Disrespectful men. Men who make assumptions based on gender and looks. Men who feel entitled.

    I can see where the argument lies with this. Some women are raising this as a problem. And it is a problem - there is too much violence perpetrated against women, too much sexualisation of women, not enough representation, too many quashed under the weight of gender expectation.

    But then when some people raise these issues, and I have seen it online, the response is - well not all men do that. As is that makes it ok. As if that invalidates that individuals argument or experience. As if that means that they don't have a point - that there are enough men who do it, or enough people in society who condone or collude with it that it needs to be discussed and challenged.

    I follow @everdaysexism - it's enlightening how often and how prevalent the experience is of sexism is in the country, today. It's frightening how many people experience sexual assault and violence only to think, or be told, it's not that big of a deal. It's obvious not all men do these things - but judging by the shear number of reports on this account - enough of them do!

    I think, like in all groups, there are intelligent people who will have discourse, and those who will take it further and become more extreme. I guess the point I am making is you shouldn't write off ALL feminism because of the diatribe and extreme views of a small but vocal group. NOT ALL feminists are man-hating, angry, keyboard warriors. Just like NOT ALL men are misogynistic sexual predators.

  5. Thanks Kellie, yes there are a lot of twats out there and there are a lot of people that frankly need locking up for the way they behave towards the opposite gender. There are many with views and opinions that have no place in a civilised society, let alone in the 21st century, but these individuals can be found among both genders. There are ignorant, disrespectful and even abusive women as well as men. There are women that put up with terrible treatment from men and vice versa.
    There are also some nice guys out there who are loving, caring, respectful and treat their partners as equals (no, they're not all gay) instead of as objects or slaves or worse. We're not all bad, just as not all women are wonderful and amazing.

  6. I agree that it's not all men however, it's not all women (or all "whoever") who tarnish them as a gender - it's the media. We can take ownership and challenge it (as you have done here) but there will always be some narrow minded individuals who either think that their opinion is the only one that matters or they are unwilling to listen to another point of view.

  7. THANK YOU!!!!

    I think instead of constantly blaming men, blame society that some men are brought with these values and that they think it’s normal
    Society and the way our young are brought up is the problem!
    For example “you run like a girl” “stop being a big girl” when someone cries. it’s ingrained into our children

  8. I am NOT afraid of men. I REFUSE to be made to feel as if I should be afraid of men.
    And yes I have suffered at the hands of a man before, but I believe the cause of his behavioir lay between his ears rather than between his legs.
    Further more I dont believe that this broad condemnation of men as bad/dangerous does anybody anu favours because it gives the small minority of men who have violent tendencies a get out clause in their own minds at least 'its not my fault in just a man'.

  9. Not all feminists hate men, they simply want equality. That's not what a feminist is- a man hater. Only radical feminists have that hatred for men that some comments have said. The last thing we want is for feminist to become an even dirtier word than it already is. In some ways, every single woman is a feminist.. well, in many ways. But I completely agree with the 'not all men', it's the same for 'not all women'. Condemning an entire gender is completely pointless. As with everything, it's about education. Just like you're doing with your son & so many wonderful parents are with theirs.

  10. I don't think this is about extreme behavior that men show toward women, but general prevailing attitudes that women have been second class citizens whose opinions and rights should not be taken seriously, as if they were inferior forms of life trying to pass as adults, but, "Ha ha, isn't that cute. Let's take advantage of that."


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