Checks calendar. Right, it is now June, which means I am currently drowning in emails about how to keep my foof clean in a tent or something equally festival related.
"How to steal Kim Kardashian's style at a festival, while watching the World Cup"
No, no, no
I am 38 years old, I moan that I am uncomfortable whilst watching Glastonbury on the television. I want some sort of festival where I can sit, alone, in a chair, with the sun shining so that Ricky Wilson and all his chiefs can simultaneously bring me drinks whilst performing their greatest hits, with Guns & Roses (with Slash, OBVS) and Linkin Park being the supporting acts.
Festivals SUCK for me. I do NOT want tips on how to piss in a tent, or how to recycle toilet roll to wear as a fucking dress. (If that makes the edit, I'll be shocked) If I need to wash myself, I want to do it in a shower, or a bath, thanks very much, WITH BUBBLES. Not with a single wet-wipe that I then need to use again to clean my glass. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO WINE GLASSES AT A FESTIVAL?
I do NOT want to sleep in a tent anymore, or even in a sleeping bag. I want hotels, I will even rough it in a cabin for good music. BUT NO CAMPING.
I don't care if they add Elvis to the bill, it's not happening.
Festival Fashion, Festival Footwear, Festival foofs, and Festival sleeping bags,
THIS FASHIONISTA IS OUT