Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Squeezing The Apple Juice

I am a destroyer. I cannot keep one for more than a month or two before it dies a most horrible death. It is never a quick death either, when I kill one. It dies slow and painfully, reviving itself from near death on numerous occasions before finally expiring, giving up on existence, ceasing to be, here no longer. (No, I'm not talking about a puppy)

My name is Kellie and I am an iPhone charger murderer. 

I manage to murder chargers in horrible ways, and I have all the guilt. I can kill official Apple leads, I can kill cheap ones, I do not discriminate. I kill them ALL.

I am currently the owner of two chargers. cheap ones this time, and both have decided today that they have served me enough juice, and are now on their way to the great Apple store in the sky.

Which is sad............


I have become skilled at trying to sustain the life of an iPhone charger. My current trick is the "sneaking up on the charger and plugging it in quickly" trick. (This sometimes works, sometimes it doesn't)

Also, another tried and tested method is plugging it in and unplugging it a million times before finally getting it to charge. (Making sure that you do not turn the bloody thing off again as you know it won't charge the next time you switch it on)

You can also try bargaining with it. This involves sneaking up on the aforementioned charger, plugging it in quickly and switching it on and off while begging it to work. iPhone chargers are notoriously cruel and able to ignore this method on most occasions.

Now, it is time to go HARDCORE.

"Why don't you work, you cheap piece of crap?" is my go-to question for my iPhone charger when it is on it's way out, or "I paid twenty quid for you, you useless piece of crap and you don't work any better than an eBay charger, SHAME ON YOU, I say"

I do get strange looks in Costa, I must admit.

Am I alone in being a murderer of iPhone chargers?

I can't be, can I?

How do you sustain the life of your charger, let me know. I cannot stand to murder another one...... (after these two, that is, there is no hope for these two)

Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x



  1. Kellie you make me giggle! This was me with my last iPhone luckily this ones not too bad but that last little bugger had me wiggling it for ten minutes or holding it in or standing my phone on its head to hold it in.. Why oh why apple do you make brilliant phones and such crap chargers!

    Damn you!

  2. Yes, this!!! I cannot make my Apple chargers last very long and I blame Apple - they make great products but the chargers are all really fragile - what's that all about? Glad it's not just me, my brother (an IT engineer) says it's something I'm doing wrong.

  3. Apple make shit chargers on purpose. I only buy from pound land now and they last me a while before giving up the ghost pfft

  4. If you buy a Kindle Powerfast charger then you can plug in your white iphone ipad cable and it charges much quicker than a standard adapter. It's uber speedy. Like shit off a shovel. Also, if you buy a cable from Poundland, and keep the receipt, and take it back complaining it's faulty and ask for a replacement, this will save you needless expense.

    I know, because this is what I do.

    Much love,


  5. Yer on yer own there Kel, I am still using the same charger that came with my 5year old Phone. I got it second hand from my father-in-law. You are clearly a butcher. But its ok. We love you anyway.

  6. Apple chargers are awful, I used to work in a phone shop and the amount of people coming in to buy new Apple chargers was crazy! I have 2 Samsung chargers - one of which has lasted me nearly 3 years so I really don't understand why Apple can't make them of a similar quality.

  7. Mine refuse to charge unless it's an official charger :/ luckily I've only killed one charging cable and replaced it with one my mum kindly donated! Where I work we sell these http://www.blottshop.com/product/Bobino-Cable-Wrap/3173 which are amazing at protecting charging cables, especially if you keep it in your bag, it stops mine from getting tangled around all the other crap I keep in my bag!

  8. I put a wire round mine like this - http://lifehacker.com/5943071/keep-your-charger-cables-from-fraying-with-an-old-pen - it just helps to keep it straight and protected.
    Gem xx

  9. ever since I first read this all my chargers are breaking or running away from me, I was absolutely about to start hitting my family at 2am this morning when I couldn't find one at all! So distressing.


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